


Healing Touch

by MrBarnesIfYaNasty, PrimaDea



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Healing, Hope, Hydra (Marvel), Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2018-11-14 11:40:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 58,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11207343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrBarnesIfYaNasty/pseuds/MrBarnesIfYaNasty, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrimaDea/pseuds/PrimaDea
Summary: Steve, hoping to save his friend, goes to find and bring back a mysterious woman rumoured to have worked for Hydra during the Winter Soldier experiments. The soldier will recognise her, but will Bucky?





	1. Chapter 1

The humidity was almost too much to bear. Steve silently thanked his sense for leaving the Captain America suit back at the Avengers Compound. Even in just a thin t-shirt, he could already feel his skin getting sticky with sweat. He looked down at his phone, consulting the map that Friday had uploaded for him. According to the AI's directions, he was in the right village. He'd done as much as prep as possible including spending the last week or so with Bruce who'd taught him enough of the local language to get by should he get lost and need to ask for directions. Bruce didn't talk about his time in India much and Steve certainly wasn't going to push it. 

Steve had arrived in India that morning, courtesy of Tony's private jet. Things were still a little awkward between them since the fiasco that had been the Sokovian Accords so it had been somewhat surprising when he'd offered the use of the jet when Steve announced his intentions to track down this mysterious Maidchen he'd read about in the Winter Soldier files. It was the closest to an apology you were ever going to get from Tony Stark.

He'd located the right house quickly enough. Between Friday's map and Natasha's intelligence, it hadn't been hard to track down. He didn't want to knock. It would be much too easy for her to escape out of a possible alternate exit. He hated to admit it to himself but he needed her. Couldn't run the risk of her escaping, there was too much at stake. He pushed open the door, deciding to go with the quiet option. He hadn't brought the shield but, if need be, he could fall back on his hand to hand combat skills. He crept across the dusty floor, his hiking shoes barely making a sound. He swept the only room in the tiny house, there was nobody to be seen. Momentary panic stirred in his stomach until he took in his immediate surroundings. There were glowing embers in the firepit. Maidchen had obviously been here recently and most likely would be returning. Steve sat down on one of the rickety chairs. He would make sure to be there when she did, no matter how long it took.

 

Walking into her home from the market and she knew something was wrong. The air felt..... different, the smell of the packed earth floor and last night’s roasted meat was off and instead a weird leather and plastic smell replaced it. Something akin to a too-perfumed shampoo and a very feminine soap made the atmosphere a bit too flowery. 

Taking her time she emptied her bags and put the kettle to boil over last night’s embers. She shook the embers around before settling the kettle and, taking the time to cover her hair with the length of her sari, she turned to face her uninvited guest. She’d sensed his presence upon entering but had soon established that he wasn’t an immediate threat. Besides, his sudden appearance in her home hadn’t been a surprise to her. 

He was taller than she had thought he would be, wide shoulders, muscled chest, he seemed poured into the shirt he wore. Simple white T-shirt with a pair of jeans, leaning against the bed, he seemed to fill the whole room. He looked agitated, his stance and jaw tense. 

She had been expecting him, ever since the Soldier had materialized, showing up in the news and on the front pages of newspapers. Being condemned for a crime he had not committed. And here he was, Captain America, leaning against her bed, slightly bending at the neck so he wouldn’t hit the main beam in the ceiling of her little home. She smiled sadly, knowing full well this would be the beginning of something utterly painful. Memories don't always bring joy, and hers would more than likely be bringing pain.

She sat there ,perfectly still, looking at him, her light brown hair seemed to burn in the light coming in from the only window matching her rust coloured Sari, a sole strand kissing her forehead while the rest was swept up under the beautiful silk. Her eyes seemed to take him in and see through him all at once, and the light knowing smile on her lips confused him so that he almost felt ashamed to have been intruding in her home. 

Almost.

The kettle whistled and he saw her calmly pick it up by the handle stretch to grab 2 glasses and poured the dark liquid equally in both receptacles. She cocked an eyebrow, inviting him to sit and handed him his glass. It burned his skin, even being whom he was it was more than uncomfortable. But she didn’t seem to mind. He sat, legs crossed under him and waited for her to take the first sip. 

Slowly she blew on her tea, a remnant from when she was a child, before looking up at the steel blue eyes staring at her. 

"I was expecting you, The Soldier has been all over the papers lately. " She tried to not let her emotions come to the surface, this was business. THIS, between herself and the tall blond American was nothing but emotionless business. "How is he?" It was an afterthought coaching her voice to not shake but not trusting it; knowing that Captain America would see right through it. She looked away, hoping the unshed tears in her eyes wouldn’t show. 

He could hear it in her voice, a certain something that made him feel that maybe she regretted what she had done all those years ago. Working with mutants and Nazi experiments weren’t for the faint of heart, and this woman did not fit the bill, she lacked the bravado, the pride and self assuredness of the others he had met, Rumlow, Pierce, Zemo none of them had ever cared.

"What makes you think you have the right to ask that question?" He replied coldly. He would not be fooled by her unshed crocodile tears. "You need to come with me. Pack anything you think you'll need. I don't know how long this will take." He added shortly.

"I have nothing;" She said as she got up, dumping the rest of her tea on the hot embers, she stretched to her full height before heading out the door, bending a bit at the neck to fit through without hitting the lintel. She was taller then most women he had seen here. Out there in the sunlight, she seemed so young, her brown hair turning to fire, her fair skin glowing. She did not fit here, in a remote village, in fact, Steve was sure she wouldn't really fit anywhere. 

 

Leaving the village, heading to the nearest airport, both Steve and his passenger stayed silent. For hours they sat there, him driving while she sat beside him, playing with something around her neck, a chain with a pair of rings on it. She twirled them and pulled on them, moving her hand away before bringing it back to her neck, it was a rinse repeat, a nervous tick maybe. Her hand seem unsteady, it was not something he noticed right away, but now, taking his time, looking closely, there was a tremble. 

A lifetime of good manners instilled by his Mother made Steve want to talk to her but what would he even say? It was fine giving her orders. After all, he was a Captain. ‘Come with me’, it was simple, to the point and didn’t warrant further discussion. But now, in the overwhelming silence of the car, he wasn’t sure what to do. 

Did he even want to talk to her beyond the mission? What would he even say to her? Could he trust himself to keep a lid on his emotions? In his eyes she was just as bad as every other Hydra bastard who’d brainwashed his best friend. There were things in those files that he wished he could unsee and sitting right next to him was somebody who had a hand in that. He glared at the road ahead. His knuckles turning white as he gripped the steering wheel. They would be there soon. She would be put to work and then he wouldn’t have to deal with her again. To hell with manners and pleasantries. She didn’t deserve either. 

What made the situation ever more strange was how young she looked. Steve kept sliding his eyes sideways to glance at her. According to the dates and information contained within the files she should’ve been at least 100 years old. She didn’t look a day over thirty. The SHIELD database, combined with Friday and Tony’s knowledge had found no evidence of the serum being used outside of Erskine’s experiment and the Winter Soldier project. She didn’t look the sort to have been selected for the serum anyway. So how had she managed to stall the aging process? It made Steve even less trusting of her. 

 

Her file stated that she had been recruited from a cloister somewhere in western Europe. But before that, nothing, No birth certificate, no marriage or even death certificate, this person had, as far as he could see, never existed. He tried not to care, made himself not ask her about her past. But it bothered him, a lot. 

The car stopped and she blinked, pulled out of her reverie. She’d allowed herself to be lost in the past, back when they had been together, always her brain brought her back to him, she shook her head to clear it, looked at her driver and smiled, a sad smile, it was time to get on a plane and face her fear. Meeting HIM, the soldier, for the first time, again.

She often let her mind wander, it was a way for her to stay sane, to remind herself that it had been real. That these rings she wore around her neck did actually mean something, that it hadn’t all been a figment of her imagination. 

She remembered when they first brought her to him, snarling and growling like an animal, sitting on the floor, blood and dirt caked all over him, They had tried a new mind control tactic, they had said, and it had failed, completely. They needed him back, needed him strong, needed him to be mission ready in a few weeks, and waiting for their scientists to figure out the glitch in their weapon was not an option; so they had sought her out. The little nun from nowhere. 

*** Walking into that room, a simple square room, with only a cot and a toilet in the corner, she couldn’t believe that anyone considered an ASSET would be held this way, she heard a snarl, some thrashing, there were men there trying to hold down someone…. The Asset. 

She heard a voice behind her give an order and in seconds it was just her and the snarling man, the heavy metal door closing behind them, the latch turning. They were alone 

She could feel him, fear, hatred, panic. He reeked of it. Slowly she came closer, saw him wince, try to hide under his cot, anything to be far from her, far from anyone, like a pained animal. There was a sheen of sweat across his back, his long, lank hair greasy tendrils as he shielded himself with the metal arm. Blood was caked on his face as if he had scratched it and there were rivulets of dirt all across his back, he was black and blue where he had been beaten and he seemed unable to stand, he was exhausted. 

 

It seemed like hours later but eventually, he tired himself out, he huddled in a corner all wrapped up on himself, softly she went to him, sat next to him and felt his fear, even in sleep he was terrorized. Assa let herself feel calm and comfort, knowing he would react to it, hoping he would imprint on the feeling of wellbeing she was trying to emanate. Slowly, impossibly slowly, he unfurled, eventually finding himself with his head on her lap, his arms tight around her waist. 

She softly ran her fingers in his hair, damp with sweat, sending out her tendrils, her healing magic gently making their way to him, making themselves soft so he would let them in, gentle so he would not fear them. Getting to where she needed to be, she saw the damage, felt it, they had scrambled his brains, quite literally. There was nothing left of him that was human. 

His brain was a minefield and it took days of sitting with him, laying with him, holding him, him holding her, before she managed to find what she needed, a light, something akin to human thought, and she held onto it, coaxed it out, managed to pull it out into the open where she could soothe it, until finally she felt him coming back, somewhat. 

His arms tightened around her waist, something he only did when he slept, but this time she could feel him waking, felt his thoughts branch out, his legs stretched out and he turned his head to look at her, not the empty gaze he usually had, but one of curiosity. He had let go of her and she wished he hadn’t not quite sure why. 

Slowly, softly, she pulled herself out of his head, leaving as little of a trail as possible. Working on thoughts was always careful work. 

He had gotten up then, the door had opened and the same man that had brought her here walked in, he gestured to the guards to take The Asset away, the fear in his eyes was palpable, but he followed. 

The man had taken her to another set of rooms, there was a large bed, a sitting area and a door at the end probably hiding a small bathroom. There was a tray left on a table near a window, the man said nothing and left, locking the door behind him. 

She had pleased him it seems, there had been no harsh words, no raised hands, no slaps like the first few days. Before they had brought her here, to this place, to be The Asset’s personal healer. 

She had been brought here to help with The Asset, that was her job, to heal him, physically and psychically, to make sure the control tactics worked, to make sure they kept as tight a leash on him as possible. She had been kidnapped and brought straight to the beast’s den. She was now working for Hydra.

Whoever he was now, he still held a little bit of his prior self hidden in the depths of his mind. She could sense that he had a strong spirit and no amount of electricity or sickening control tactics could zap that away. 

Soon she was trusted enough to be left alone with him. When the techs were done for the day and the STRIKE team had disappeared to their barracks, it was just the two of them. Then, and only then, would The Asset let his guard drop. He would let her touch him. He wouldn’t snarl at her when she came into his personal space. Her hands moving over his pale, soft flesh would calm him, soothe him. She soon learnt the map of his body, where to place her hands to ease his mind and calm his soul. The techs were always rough, treating The Asset like he was some sort of animal. And it was her job to make those bruises disappear, to make the assimilation easier. 

She would spend the evenings with him, making sure the tech’s latest tests had worked correctly, having a meal with The Asset, though mostly silent, sometimes he would speak, but never did he string more than a few words together.

When she did spend the night in his cell, she would then be allowed to spend the day sleeping with no interruptions. If not, then she was expected to be present for the ‘wipe’ sessions.***

 

A sudden jolt brought her out of her reverie. The man, Steve? The Captain? she didn’t know how she should address him. Had braked a little too heavily. Wordlessly he got out of the car and she saw him pass by the windshield briefly before a rush of humid air entered the small space. He’d opened the door for her. 

She stepped out, immediately recognising her surrounding as the ramshackle little runway not far from her village. At the end of the runway, which was little more than a dirt track, stood the ostentatious splendor of a private jet with ‘Stark Industries’ emblazoned across the side. She grabbed her bag, holding it to her chest as he led her towards the jet. She didn’t need to ask where they were going. 

He didn’t sit next to her on the flight. Not that she’d expected him to. The seats were more like booths, sets of two facing each other with small tables in between them. The leather was soft and supple, almost too comfortable. He sat two booths down from her, back ramrod straight as if he was refusing to give into the plush surroundings. His jaw was still tense, his mouth a thin line of concentration, his eyes cold steel as he observed her. Observed was the right word. This wasn’t quick glances or even an outright stare. Those eyes were watching, sizing her up, wordlessly noticing every nuance of her movement. It was clear he still hadn’t made his mind up about her. Whether or not she should be trusted. She spent a lot of the flight looking out of the window, her fingers occasionally finding the rings once again. 

 

Her fingers were slim but strong, and her hands seemed to have seen manual labour at some time during her life. Her sari had slipped and her hair was now in full view, it was closer to red then brown, with a hint of blonde and came to about half way down her back. Her eyes were somewhere between green and blue, set in a pretty, round face. She was striking in a melancholy sort of way. Steve was sure this woman had not smiled in years, not a true happy smile anyways, though she seemed to have a ghost of a smile etched on her lips permanently. 

Her eyes found his and he felt like a child caught lying. Felt embarrassed to be found staring at her. There was an eerie quality to her, something so different he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He looked away, focusing on the clouds outside his window.


	2. Chapter 2

Warmth, softness, folding itself over him, his thoughts were seemed far but he was almost capable of grasping them. He heard words, sounds but nothing made sense. He shuddered, involuntarily and tried to straighten up but couldn’t. The warmth was spreading. There was light behind his eyelids and he tried to open them but finally after struggling, he decided he was better like this, eyes shut, warm and most of all comfortable. ,He felt like he was floating, he was being pushed and pulled into every direction, but it was soft, gentle and it seemed to serve the purpose of calming him.

Little by little the light became brighter and the sounds became sharper, the warmth around him turned into wet heat and he opened his eyes slowly to find himself neck deep in a hot tub. 

None of this matched with his previous experiences of coming out of cryo, or ‘the freezer’ as the low-level techs used to call it. Hands would tug his shoulders forward, yanking him from the chamber and then he would be half-dragged, half-frog marched down dark seemingly endless corridors. His brain would struggle to take in surroundings that always seemed different. He would be touched all over, multiple hands touching places without his consent. Rough grips and needles and electrodes…

But this, this was different, they were treating him with almost respect? Like he was a human and not some weapon that wasn’t allowed to have thoughts and feelings. It still scared him. Especially those first few weeks in Budapest, holed up in the shitty apartment trying to piece together whatever was left of his brain. Slowly but surely parts would come back to him. He learned to sleep when he got tired, he learnt to eat when he got hungry. He allowed his memories to come back to him, piece by piece, without fear of retribution. 

The water was soothing on his muscles. They always ached after cryo. Slowly the feeling in his extremities came back. It was like being wrapped in a heavy blanket. Fleeting images came back to him, cold winters in Brooklyn, a kind face, most likely his mother, covering him with a blanket and singing a sweet song before he drifted off to sleep. One of the mysterious kindly strangers offer him a drink, he reached for it with his left hand and then realised, it was no longer there. It seemed after all of these years, he still wasn’t immune to the phantom limb pain.

Taking the hot mug in his right hand he thanked the stranger with a forced smile, he took a taste and immediately felt better, it brought him back to winter days going skating and throwing snowballs, the thick creamy chocolate taste making him feel warm and comforted.   
“Sergeant Barnes,” a man stepped forward into his eyeline. He stood tall and proud, his back ramrod straight and he carried a certain air of regality. “My name is T’Challa and you are safe within the walls of my palace here in Wakanda.”

Bucky’s eyes widened, his relaxed muscles suddenly tensing. He remembered that voice, he remembered being chased down by someone who spoke that way.   
“You have nothing to be afraid of here.” T’Challa continued, noting Bucky’s suddenly change in body language. “While it is true I once wanted revenge for the death of my father, I have come to realise that you are not the perpetrator. Consider this a safe place for you and your friend, Captain Rogers.”

“Steve’s here?” Bucky replied, his voice croaky, his throat scratchy from disuse. 

“Currently he is away from the palace but I am certain he will return in due time. Until then, you may treat this place as your home. We have a very good medical staff here who will be able to cater to your needs. You must speak up if you require assistance” 

Bucky nodded, unsure of what to say. He felt as though so much had happened in such a short space of time. One minute he was fighting for his life against Tony Stark, the next he was in some plush, palatial medical room being told that he could make choices, he could make decisions. It was overwhelming. 

He finished his hot drink and handed the empty mug to the same person that had handed it to him a few minutes ago. He decided it was time to get out of the hot waters and stood up; suddenly there were two attendants there, one with a large towel and another trying to help him out of the tub. His balance was off, probably due to the lack of his arm, he was so used to compensate for his heavy metal appendage that he ended up almost toppling over the right side of the large hot tub. 

He was wrapped up in a warm towel and gently nudged towards a hallway at the end of the large laboratory like room. A few minutes later and he was shown to a large hotel like room, but much fancier than he was used to. There would certainly be no roaches crawling across these floors. The furniture was flawless, bearing no scuffs and marks from previous owners. And the bed, the bed was like nothing he’d ever seen before. It was a black wrought iron four poster. Plump pillows were stacked at the head of it and an intricately sewn purple and gold comforter was laid neatly across it with no wrinkles. There was even thin purple muslin netting around it, obviously to keep out whatever bugs were native to Wakanda.

At the other side of the room was a large two panel glass door, leading out to a large balcony, the sun was setting and the view was magnificent. He walked out, leaving the door open behind him and admired the landscape. Far off were snow capped mountains, he could see the plains and some forests, the courtyard was vast and well taken care of, with a fountain in the middle and large coconut trees. He could hear birds and other animals, none of which he could name. 

He wondered if Steve had looked out at this very same view. He could picture it now, Steve lounging in the bamboo lounger that was on the balcony, perhaps with a drink next to him. His sketchbook would be open on his lap and he’d be drawing the perfect vista. Did Steve even draw anymore? He frowned at the thought. It had been so many years and, he was quickly beginning to realise, maybe he no longer knew Steve Rogers anymore. It was not a pleasant thought. 

There was a distant droning noise that seemed to be getting closer. Bucky’s eyes turned to the glorious blue sky. He could see a speck on the horizon getting closer and closer, the droning getting louder. He realised that it was a plane. His chest tightened, breath catching in his throat. Had someone found him already? There were plenty of people who were still convinced that James Barnes was a threat.   
“I see Captain Rogers has returned.” Bucky jumped, startled as T’Challa approached him. “Sorry, I did not mean to alarm you.”

“S’fine.” Bucky muttered. He still wasn’t used to speaking all that much. He was free of the physical mask but that didn’t make speaking any easier. 

“He will be most pleased to see you,” T’Challa continued, joining Bucky on the balcony to watch the plane’s descent. “He visited you frequently whilst you were in cryostasis. I believe he has been putting all of his efforts into finding someone who can help you.”

Bucky nodded, keeping his eyes on the ever approaching plane. He’d meant it when he’d said those words to Steve back on the Quinjet. He wasn’t sure if he was worth it.

 

The plane disappeared behind their building and Bucky followed his host, walking along many hallways and not sure he could find his way back to his own room. They emerged outside, in the waning sunlight, palm trees cutting gorgeous silhouettes against the orange and red on the horizon. Bucky stopped to appreciate the view, to anyone else it might have been mundane, but to him, it was breathtaking. 

A few more yards and they entered a huge hangar, there he spotted a few cars, half a dozen motorcycles and two planes, one of them slowly rolling in towards them from the opening on the other side. 

The plane stopped just a few feet from them, the side door swung open and the stairs were lowered. 

First to come down was Steve, he looked just the same as he had the last time he had seen him, before entering Cryo, hopefully for the last time. He saw him talking to someone, but couldn't hear what was said, a person followed him out, slowly coming down the stairs.

He heard Steve talking to him, felt him embrace him in a huge hug, but he didn’t respond, he couldn’t, his attention was riveted on Steve’s companion, he couldn’t quite place her, but he knew, he was sure that he’d seen her before. He just didn’t know where. 

“Buck?” Steve’s voice was sounding concerned now. He flicked his eyes back to his best friend whose eyes were alight with worry. “You with me?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Bucky replied. He couldn’t keep from looking back at the woman. The months in hiding had helped him get back a lot of his memories and although they were clear, they were jumbled. Pictures wouldn’t match voices or vice versa. When he looked at this woman it triggered something, whether it was good or bad he wasn’t sure. Nothing came clearly to him like the other memories. It was like he was looking at her through a streaked window. 

Steve turned to his companion and motioned her to step forward. 

Bucky, this is ..” 

He never got to finish the introduction before Bucky cut him off. 

“Maidchen.”


	3. Chapter 3

She woke up slowly, it had taken hours for her to fall asleep, the bed was too soft, too large, making her feel so tiny in this huge room. Getting up she pulled a woven silk robe from the closet and threw it on, walking out on the balcony. The place was beautiful, the sun just peeking over the skyline, two storeys below her she could see the Captain and their host talking on a terrace. 

Looking around she found her tiny travel bag and took out the only clothes she had brought, a pair of linen pants and a tunic; getting dressed quickly she went out to find them. She went down two flights of stairs, turned at a corner and had to stop someone to ask for direction but soon enough she had negotiated the labyrinthine building, she was there.

 

“No.” Steve shook his head adamantly, arms folded tightly across his broad chest. Bucky was upstairs getting a thorough check-up with the medical staff. Tony, via Friday, had sent the Wakandan technicians the specs for a new arm and they were currently carrying out some tests to make sure it would be the best fit. More proof that Tony was desperate to make up for their almost fatal fight in Siberia.

Steve and T’Challa were on one of T’Challa’s private terraces. A small space off from the ceremonial throne room with chairs and table. T’Challa had told him that it was one of his personal favourite places to sit and think when he needed to. One of his seemingly countless assistants had provided them with tea and some traditional cake. Steve didn’t partake in either. While T’Challa had immediately taken his seat, Steve had stubbornly refused, choosing instead to remain standing. He felt like tightly coiled spring.  
“No way,” He repeated, shaking his head. “I’m not letting her do that.” 

“Steve, you asked her here to help your friend did you not?” T’Challa said calmly, ever the peacekeeper.  
“Exactly,” Steve replied angrily. “Why should I give her free reign to do what she wants? She’s Ex-Hydra T’Challa. Do you think that really means anything? How do we know that she actually is?”

“You will have to trust her.” T’Challa replied. “We have discussed this at great length have we not? Your good friend Miss Maximoff was lacking the ability to remove those triggers from your friend’s mind. Whether or not you trust her, you must accept that she remains your only hope.” T’Challa reminded him calmly.

“I just…” Steve let out a sigh, his shoulders slumping. He knew the younger man had a point but Maidchen being his only hope wasn’t something he was readily willing to accept. He remembered Wanda’s barely contained tears when she’d returned from the medical room shaking her head and apologising that there was nothing she could do. “I can’t lose him again.” He continued, his voice softening somewhat.

“I have faith that you will not my friend. I have promised to protect Sergeant Barnes and I will stand by that promise. Your friend will come to no harm here. You have my word and the protection of my people, the Dora Milaje.” 

 

They both recognized her presence, going quiet as she walked in; she found a seat across from the Captain, not feeling like she needed to defend herself, she accepted the cup of tea offered by the attendant and served herself a piece of cake, it had been ages since her last meal. 

“The Captain was just informing me about his reservations when it comes to your work with Sergeant Barnes.” T’Challa explained when Steve offering no further words. 

She took her time, sipping her tea and tasting the piece of cake, giving the Captain time to settle himself.He was radiating frustration, his face flush and a vein in his temple throbbing. 

“It’s not that…” He said trying to sound calm. “It’s that, letting you get into his head like that… purposefully triggering The Soldier, well we all know what happened last time. Don’t you think he’s had enough of that treatment? and you’re asking me to consider putting people’s, YOUR people’s lives at risk?” 

“I understand your reservations Captain.” T’Challa continued with a nod. “Perhaps you should sit down, take some tea and cake and you can discuss your reservations with Maidchen here.” He motioned to her. “I can assure you that we will not allow her to carry out her work unchecked. I promised you that this would be a safe place and it will remain as such.” With that, he rose from his chair. “I think it would be best if I were to leave you to talk to each other. I have some business to attend to. Please feel free to treat this palace as your home and, should you need anything, do not hesitate to inform of my attendants.” With a graceful nod, T’Challa left them on the terrace. 

 

The Captain sat down reluctantly, his elbows resting on his knees, looking straight at the table.

“Maidchen..” he started awkwardly, but she stopped him with a touch of her hand to his arm. 

“I haven’t been Maidchen in a very long time Captain, I prefer Assa; it is the name my father gave to me.” She explained gently.

Looking at her he nodded, it was a concession he was willing to make.

“Call me Steve.” He replied, albeit a little reluctantly. He still didn’t trust her but, as she was making the effort, he felt he should at least reciprocate a little.

 

“Steve,” she said tentatively, trying out his name for the first time. “ I understand that I am the last person you would trust around your friend.” Slowly, she leant forward in her chair. “May I touch you? I ask because my powers mostly come from touch and I would like to open myself up to you, so I may assuage your fear.”

“Well,” Steve replied, considering. “It wouldn’t be the strangest power I’ve come across.”

She smiled before gently taking his hand in hers. She took a moment to feel the softness of his palm, the delicate ridges of his lifeline. The tips of his fingers that were calloused from holding the shield. Soldier’s fingers. 

“It won't hurt a bit.” she said reassuringly as she let out soft tendrils of soothing and comforting energy. As she did that she also opened herself up to him, let him slowly into her mind. She hoped that seeing this, feeling it, might make him less fearful of having her work with The Soldier. 

What he felt, what he saw was remarkable, as if he were living someone else’s memories which, technically he was. 

 

*** “While you are here you shall be called Maidchen.”  
It wasn’t a question. It was an order. The mysterious figure stood in front of a large window, shadows casting perfectly so that she couldn’t see his features. There had been names whispered amongst the guards. Some had called him Johann Schmidt, others had referred to him by a much more intimidating name, The Red Skull. Others had been too terrified to speak either name, bowing and leaving the room as soon as possible. 

She could understand why. The waves of hatred he cast out were almost inhuman. She had never met a soul consumed by so much evil. She struggled to find the good in him, as she believed it resided in everyone, but it seemed there was none to be found in this man. He was a megalomaniac pure and simple.  
“You are to be in my service and my service only.” He continued. “You will be told only what you need to know and you will be called upon whenever I say. Just because I’m putting my faith in you to do this does not mean you have a higher standing here. You are a tool for me to utilise.” He marched back and forth across the window, chest puffed out like a male peacock trying to impress. “Shortly you will meet my colleague, Arnim Zola, and he will tell you more about what you are to do here. You will do exactly as he says.” He continued, summarily dismissing her.

She nodded her understanding. She turned around and followed the guard that had been assigned to her, from now on her life would be far different than the lifetimes she had spent at the cloister. Thankfully, she was adaptable and resilient. The cards of fate had dealt her this hand and she would have to accept. ***

Steve’s eyes widened in shock. He was dumbfounded. After discovering her name in the Winter Soldier files he’d assumed that she was just like the others, Pierce, Rumlow, Zola, faithful members of Hydra, believing in its hateful doctrine. He’d tarred her with the same brush, imagining her to be a believer. Yet, as he’d just discovered, she’d been a prisoner too. He wanted to find out more, ask her questions, had she suffered as much as Bucky? but it didn’t feel like the time or place.  
“You…” He swallowed hard. “You were a prisoner too.”

“Let’s just say I had nowhere else to go.” She looked away, almost embarrassed. “Prisoner is not quite the right word. I was there against my will, yes. But I was never forced to do anything I didn’t want; not truly anyways.”

She saw him reel and held onto his hand. “What I did for the Soldier, to HIM, I did it to help, to sooth, to alleviate the pain. They didn’t care what they did to him, as long as it worked, as long as they had control…. What I did Captain, Steve…. What I did was to save him.” 

“Were you there for the...procedures?” Steve asked tentatively. The files had referred to them as ‘wipes’ but he couldn’t quite bring himself to use that word. He’d read in horrible, vivid detail the exact guidelines the techs had followed for each session, from the types of restraints they used to the amount of volts they put through his brain. The night he’d read those particular notes, he’d had to hurry to the bathroom where he’d thrown up his entire dinner.

She swallowed hard, feeling his unease and knowing full well what she was about to tell him would make it worse. But she couldn’t lie to him. 

“I was.” she whispered. “I calmed him before and I soothed him after.” She let his hand slip from hers. “ I held him at night when he screamed and thrashed, I fed him when he wanted to starve. I held him while he whimpered before he fell asleep.” She looked up at Steve’s deep blue eyes. “I did all of it because I wanted to.”

Steve didn’t know what to say. He was completely wrong footed by this new information. Guilt grew in the pit of his stomach, slowly starting to gnaw away at him. He’d judged her. Assumed that she was evil just because she’d been affiliated with Hydra. It made him no better than those reporters who’d been so quick to condemn Bucky. He wanted to apologise but he knew whatever words he came up with would sound hollow. He needed to show her that she’d earned his trust. A small part of his brain was nattering away at him, telling him this might be some ploy but his heart was convinced. Nobody could speak so openly, with so much emotion in their eyes and it not be real. He knew he could trust her.  
“Can I be there?” He asked shakily. “When you bring out The...Soldier”  
She looked at him, he seemed a broken man. 

“There are things you might not want to know.” She got up. “Things that would be better left unknown. I don’t know who he is to you, I mean, I can guess, but The Soldier is a different man. He had a life, as hard as it was, and not everything in that life needs to be brought out for you to see.” She looked at him sadly. “You might not like what you hear and see.” She whispered as an afterthought.

“He was my best friend.” Steve argued back. “Soldier or not. We fought a while back, when he first came back into my life.” Steve flinched at the bittersweet memory. “I said his name and just for a second, he looked as if he knew me…” He saw the expression flash before his mind’s eye. ‘Who the hell is Bucky?’ follow by that momentary look of confusion before he ran away. He’d seen it so many times during his and Sam’s searches that he couldn’t forget it even if he tried. Another image followed, the twisted, deformed version of Rumlow he’d fought in the marketplace. ‘He remembered you, your buddy, your Bucky’ the man had spat at him before he’d tried to kill them both. “I need to be there.” He continued, realising that Assa was looking at him with deepening concern. “It’s my right.” 

 

“I won’t argue with you, but you need to realize that some things that will come out, he might not want you to know.” 

“We told each other everything.” Steve said. “I knew him inside out. We shared an apartment before the war, a shitty little place really but it was ours. I knew what he liked to eat, I knew the type of dame he liked to date, how he took his coffee…”

At the word Dame, he saw her frown. It was an involuntary reaction, but still it made him wonder. He was reminded of that embarrassing car ride with Peggy. He couldn’t help but smile a little at that memory. He still struggled with the whole ‘talking to women’ thing. There were some things even Erskine’s serum couldn’t fix.

“When can I see him.” She asked suddenly, her hand playing with the set of rings again. 

“If I may, can I ask about those rings?” Steve questioned. “Do they have something to do with your powers?” 

She smiled at him, a true smile, almost a laugh.  
“No, nothing to do with that,” She answered letting go of them. “They were our wedding bands, my husband’s and I, a very long time ago.” She looked away, a sad look crossing her face. He had obviously hit a sore spot. He knew better than to question further. He’d always hated the look on his Ma’s face when the nosey, well intentioned, do-gooders had questioned her about the whereabouts of ‘Mr Rogers’ over the years. 

“I’m sorry,” He said with meaning. “I didn’t mean to pry” Assa shook her head slowly. 

“It’s fine Steve, it’s something you would have found out eventually.” She made herself smile again, that same sad smile as before. 

Steve sensed he needed a subject change, and quickly. Taking a quick sip of the tea next to him, he continued.  
“The techs should be done measuring up for his arm, you can see him now if you want.” He said as he offered her a kindly smile.

She followed him through the corridors, finally ending in a large room full of medical equipement, in one corner there was a cryo unit, she recognized it from long ago, this one was smaller, but its function was the same. There were people buzzing around, talking and working, she could feel the anticipation, they were working on something important. 

Suddenly she stopped; there he was, sitting there, smiling, he was talking to a nurse while she took some blood samples, and the way he moved, the way he talked brought her back to then. When they had been just the two of them. She had always thought he’d kept that look for her, but it seems Bucky Barnes was a born charmer. 

Assa tried not to read anything into it, until she saw him eye the nurse from afar, it shouldn’t have bothered her, but it did. Even though she knew this man was not The Soldier, he looked like him, sounded like him, the way he had said her code name, with such neutrality, as if she meant nothing to him, it had hurt. 

He looked up and saw her, cutting his flirting short, those grey eyes looking straight at him, that sad smile, he knew that smile, he knew those eyes, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Instead of worrying about it he went forward and hugged his friend, him he remembered. 

He saw her fidget with something around her neck, something he had seen her do in the hangar the night before, letting go of Steve he sat back down on the table behind him. He knew she was there to help him, but part of him just didn't trust her, she had worked for Hydra and that but her on his shit list.


	4. Chapter 4

He looked healthy, a lot healthier than he had been the last time she’d seen him. He was bulkier too, the swimmer's body she’d become so familiar with had been transformed to that of a bulky gym junkie, and she liked it. 

The look he gave her when he noticed her presence, was uneasy and full of doubt. She could understand his hesitations, Gods only knew what he had gone through in the years they’d been apart and she completely understood his reaction. The way he looked at her broke her heart, he had never looked at her that way before, this mix of fear and hate, disgust even and Assa could not help but wonder if that look would still be there once she had done what was asked of her. She didn’t like the idea of it being a permanent fixture. 

She stood there, waiting for The Captain to greet his friend, unsure about how she would make Sergeant Barnes trust her, or if she even could. Her hands went to her neck and she felt the smooth lines of the bands, she had always loved those rings, simple silver rings, hand made by one of her guards, one of the nicer ones. His name had been Erich and he had always been kind, though he followed the rules, he had never been rough or harsh. Always said please and had never given her an order. She had known he had an interest in her, but he never acted on it, never said or did anything out of form. There had been too much at risk for him, not only his job but his life too. In fact, he’d been the one to offer the bands she now wore when he had heard of her union. She smiled slightly, remembering him, before coming back to the moment at hand.

“Assa.” She heard Steve call to her, shaking her head before looking up at him. “Would you please go through what you’ll be doing in order to cancel the triggers.” She stepped up, Steve slid a chair behind her and she sat back straight, uncomfortably. 

She was front and center, this was now her show, she cleared her mind and organized her thoughts, the two large men looking intently at her. She felt Steve’s hand sliding into hers, comforting. Looking up at him she saw the hope in his eyes, the tears threatened to overwhelm her. Nodding her head she took a deep breath. 

“As I’m sure Steve has told you, I have certain … powers that I can -” 

“Like you did before?” He’d cut her off, voice full of anger and pain. He was halfway off the table he sat on, Steve’s other hand was on his knee, silently coaxing him to say seated. “I mean, am I just supposed to let her into my brain and scramble it all over again?” His voice got louder and his face turned red, she could feel waves of hatred and hurt, he felt betrayed by his friend, felt trapped, like an animal. She felt the hand holding hers tighten and felt suddenly better. “Dammit Stevie, what were you thinking?” 

“Bucky let her speak.” Steve’s voice was firm and it made the dark haired man relax slightly, although albeit reluctantly, grunting he leaned back, staring at her. Steve turned to her, squeezing her hand. She noticed Bucky looking at their entwined hands and frowning. She caught the quick flash of confusion, before he levelled his eyes with hers once more. 

“I can get rid of the triggers.” Assa stated simply. “I’ll need to trigger The Soldier, but I can undo them, get rid of their connections to your psyche.” She saw the doubt in Bucky’s eyes, the hope in Steve’s; she got up and, her hands going to her rings again, paced back and forth in front of her audience. 

Looking up at the men she saw they were listening to her, intently. 

“I’ll start by triggering you.” She said gently, walking towards the table Bucky sat on. “I’ll have to touch you.” A sly smile appeared on his lips, and she rolled her eyes. “Not like that.” She whispered. The atmosphere was lighter now, easier to work through. “I’ll make my way to your thoughts and gently i'll work my way through every trigger word. “ Bucky seemed uneasy and Steve got up from his seat to move closer to Bucky, squeezing his shoulder. 

“Then what ?” Asked Bucky. 

Assa took a deep breath, he seemed to be receptive, that was good. 

“Then, I’ll make my way through the rules they set up, the protocols.” She looked away, walking around, her hands on the rings again. “I know where the protocols were set, I can disable them.”

“You set them?” It was Steve, in his Captain’s voice. “You know the protocols because you set them.” It wasn’t accusatory, it was simply a fact. Assa nodded, barely. It was something that she deeply regretted even to this day.

Bucky grunted, shrugging off Steve’s hand and getting up. He strode purposefully over to the nearest wall and punched it, hard, almost losing his balance for lack of his heavy left arm. 

“Why would you help me now?!” He screamed at her, his eyes were wild and blazing with anger. “After doing this to me; why would you go out of your way to do this?” He came at her with fury, pinning her against a wall almost nose to nose. “You made me into this….this killer. This thing.” He spat the word.”And now you walk in here wanting to fix the damage you caused.” 

Her hand came up to his face, soft.

“Because I can.” It was a whisper, but it damaged Bucky’s anger, his fear; she saw him waver, saw a hint of confusion, maybe even recognition and in an instant it was gone, and so was he, storming out of the room.

“That went well.” Steve sighed “Though it could have gone much worse.” He brushed his hands through his hair. “He’ll come around.” He said before following his friend through the room and out the door.

She stood there, leaning against the wall,hearing a slight noise she turned to see her host appearing through a side door.  
“I did not mean to intrude.” He voiced softly, it seemed to be his way, soft spoken, calm, the personification of self control. 

“It’s fine your Majesty, I was just thinking.” Assa replied, glancing towards the door that Steve had just left through. 

“Sergeant Barnes has had to make a lot of adjustments in his life.” T’Challa continued, smiling gently. “He is a strong man in spite of what he has been through and I am certain it will not be long before he realises that you are here to heal rather than hurt. He will trust you in time.” 

Assa smiled sadly, as was her way. T’Challa patted her on the shoulder gently, she could feel the strong waves of reassurance he was trying to get through to her. There was a sadness there too, about what, she could not focus on.  
“It does not take much to see that you had a history with him.” He said. “I cannot begin to imagine how hard this must be for you, after so much time has passed. Perhaps you would like to join me in my private chambers, I feel we have much to discuss.” 

“I’d like that.” Assa replied with a nod. 

Following T’Challa’s lead, they moved through the corridors until they reached a small room. T’Challa pushed open the door to reveal a beautiful marble table with matching chairs. Upon the tabletop was a tea set, white china with blue painted Koi Carp swimming around the rims. T’Challa pulled out one of the chairs and she sat down dutifully. 

A few moments later, one of T’Challa’s assistants arrived bearing a silver tray. He placed a matching tea pot in the middle of the table, followed by a plate of what looked like small pieces of fried dough, coated with a honey glaze. The assistant bowed to the King before leaving them in peace.  
“Please help yourself to the Koeksister.” T’Challa said, indicated the plate of dough. “It is a very popular dish in Wakanda that I believe every visitor should try at least once.” He smiled. He leaned forward in his seat and picked up the teapot, pouring the both of them a cup. “This tea set was my mother’s.” He explained. “She was very fond of Japanese culture.”

Assa nodded, gratefully accepting the tea and plucked one of the dough pieces from the plate. It was soft and tasted very sweet. It was a welcome change to the bland food she’d grown accustomed to.  
“You keep much to yourself.” T’Challa said as she munched on the food. It wasn’t said in an accusatory manner, it was clearly meant to be an observation. 

“It’s easier that way.” Assa replied. “I’ve been expecting this for a while,” She continued, staring down into the amber tea. “But I didn’t expect how I would feel when I saw him again after so long.” 

“It is easy to underestimate how greatly a loss can affect you,” T’Challa replied sagely. “It can taint your views, I know what that is like. I lost my Father recently and I was guilty of allowing my grief to consume me.”

 

“I am sorry to hear that, I give you my most genuine sympathies.” She was somber when she continued. “But you see, this is not abnormal for me, The Soldier and I we spent years apart sometimes.” She took a drink trying to control her emotions, this whole situation had her emotions in a tailspin and she wasn’t sure she could take back control. 

“Would I be correct to assume that you developed feelings for him beyond that of healer and patient?” T’Challa asked gently. 

 

She tried not to look at him, she didn’t want him to see, to divine how she felt, what she felt. She simply nodded her head.  
“It happened slowly, over a few years, but eventually, yes, things… happened. It wasn’t meant to. I mean, I was part of the order, I had given my vows.” Her voice trembled and so did her hands. “But I was weak, am weak, and nothing I could do, could imagine, prepared me for the feelings I have for him.” 

“This is something you have not spoken about before?” T’Challa questioned. 

“No one knows, the only one that was privy to it died many years ago.” Her eyes seemed to hold all the sadness in the world, in that instant, she was lost. The tears came to her and she could not stop them, was it the exhaustion, or the emotion filled day, she wasn’t sure, but what she did know was that she was showing a part of herself, a part that she had never shared before. 

“Cry if you need to.” T’Challa said, leaning forward again but this time placing his gentle hand on her shoulder. “Were you ever able to act upon these feelings?” 

Assa looked up startled, she had not expected him to be so bold with his questioning. She stood up to look out the window. Clearing her head. 

“We were married in November of 1963.” It was barely a whisper, something no one knew, something she had kept to herself for so long. She had married The Soldier as he came from his mission. As a country mourned their leader, she married his assassin. 

 

*** It had been unusually cold that fall, the guard had brought her more wood for the hearth. Erich, she liked him. The Dacha was usually easy to keep warm, even in the dead of winter, but this year, well this year was different. The door opened and HE walked in, freshly showered, they left him a bit more room here, he was free to move for the few days he had left before being sent back to the cryo unit in the basement.

Picking up a few pieces of wood he set them in the fire, his metal arm gleaming in the light. There was a knock on the door and Erich peeked his head in.

“I have someone here for you.” He said reverently, as he always did. Assa nodded and he let the stranger in, dressed in a heavy woolen coat boots too large for him, the man was obviously drunk. “He will marry you for four bottles of Vodka and a hot meal.” Erich quickly closed the door behind them. 

The drunken priest stumbled closer to the hearth, leaning on the mantle, he said a few words, held their hands together and asked them to says their vows, nothing too complicated. He blessed them, then blessed the rings, pretty silver bands that Erich had made. The soldier slid the ring on her finger, his eyes full of something she hardly saw in them, he was happy. Sliding the other band on his finger, he pulled her to him before she was done and kissed her. 

“My wife.” he said smiling before kissing her again. *** 

 

  
“It was a fucking mistake Steve,” Bucky fumed as he paced in front of the window in his bedroom. His hand was aching from where it had made contact with the Med Bay wall and it did nothing to improve his mood. “She worked for HYDRA! at what point did you think that was a good idea?”

“Bucky...Buck, calm down,” Steve replied, holding his hands up defensively. “I felt the same way you did at first but it wasn’t like I had that much choice. We’ve pretty much explored every avenue we could to get that stuff out of your head and she’s-”

“She’s what?” Bucky spat. “Our only hope?” He shook his head, his pacing increased. “I’d rather stay fucking under than trust Hydra scum!” 

“Can’t you just trust me?” Steve said pleadingly. 

That seemed to stop Bucky in his tracks, temporarily at least. He rounded on Steve, looking furious. The last time Steve had seen Bucky this angry was way back in the forties when he’d told Bucky he was going to try and enlist. He was pretty sure the neighbours had complained about all the yelling that had come from their apartment that night.  
“That’s a fucking low blow Steve and you know it.” Bucky snarled. “Has she even given you or T’Challa any reason to trust her?” He demanded. 

“Please Buck, just trust me.” Steve repeated. Bucky narrowed his eyes and Steve suddenly felt like he’d been put under a microscope. 

“What do you know?” He asked, keeping his eyes on Steve. “You know something. I may not have been in my right mind for the past seventy years but I know when Steven Grant Rogers is keeping something from me.” 

“Can we at least sit down?” Steve said with a weary sigh. He motioned to the bed. Reluctantly, Bucky sat down on the edge of it. Steve followed suit. “She wasn’t working for Hydra in that sense,” He began to explain. “She was there against her will. She was a prisoner just like you were Buck. That’s how I know I can trust her. That’s why you should too.” His shoulders slumped. “As much as I hate to admit this, she’ll understand your time with Hydra more than I ever will and yes, she is our only hope, but I think she’s the right one so please Bucky, trust me ok? I’m never going to let anyone hurt you again.” 

Bucky grunted and made a noise that sounded like it could’ve been agreement.


	5. Chapter 5

*** She fussed over him like she usually did when he returned from a mission, laying her hands on him, healing the tears in his skin before healing the ones in his mind. She had always been around, he couldn’t remember a time when she hadn’t been present. They would sit for hours, just basking in each other’s company, the more time he spent with her the more human he felt. She soothed him, let him be himself, or at least what he was now. He had no clue whom he had been before. 

He couldn’t be sure how long they’d known each other. He was in cryo mostly, sometimes for years, but she was always there when he would wake. She was the only constant in his life that didn’t cause him pain.

She walked by him after pulling his shirt off his body, it was full of tears, holes and blood and Assa needed to make sure just how much of it was his. She took a wet rag and gently wiped the blood of his torso, a bullet had gone clean through and she softly send her tendril to repair the flesh; it took seconds. She splayed her hand over the new skin and smiled; he loved that smile. 

She passed by him again, getting rid of the rag, and on her way back The Soldier did something he had only thought about doing for the past few year. Reaching out he hooked his arm around her waist and pulled her to him; her eyes met his and she gasped in surprise before his lips gently met hers. *** 

He opened his eyes and the vision dissipated, desperately he tried to keep a hold on it, but it slid through his grasp and Bucky was left with only a feeling, Satisfaction, Pride, something akin to feeling complete. It was not something he could remember ever feeling before. Usually he would have nightmares, visions where he did things while trying to stop himself, where he’d be caught in his body not able to stop himself from hurting people, where he had absolutely no control. But today was different. He felt a sense of longing, of needing to know, needing to remember what had been in this particular dream; only he couldn’t. 

This hadn’t been the same as the other dreams he had. The images and sounds that tortured him back on that dusty floor in Bucharest. He would hear screams, shouts, pleas and then there would be red. So much red. 

He must had fallen asleep sometime after midnight, the day before had been strewn with arguments, Steve trying to make Bucky understand his point of view, but for Bucky, it was a mute point, he would not, could not let this….. Maidchen, into his head. Not again.

Looking at the time he realized he hadn’t slept but for a few hours, still a little unstable from his missing arm he made his way to the shower, he could think better under the hot sprays, he had learned that early on.

Serving himself another cup of coffee, Steve grabbed a croissant and sat back at the table, T’Challa had been there when he had first arrived but had left a few minutes ago, having business to attend to. He enjoyed his coffee, the rich flavour infusing him with warmth and comfort. Hearing footsteps in the hall he turned to greet Assa, her Sari covering most of her silhouette as well as her hair. He liked the look on her. Making a mental note about visiting the local market, he greeted her with a warm smile.  
Assa smiled back, her usual sad smile, heading to the breakfast bar she served herself a cup of tea and grabbed a plate of fruits; she walked around the large table and came to sit across from the only other person in the room. The two ate in silence, looking at each other between bites, a socially awkward dance. 

Steve took a bite of the croissant and set it back down on the plate. He longed to make some kind of conversation but didn’t know where to start. For the most part, this woman was a mystery to him. He ached to change that. After all, she was going to heal Bucky, she was going to bring him back, free him from Hydra’s chains. 

He watched her nibble on one of the fruits from the platter. She put it down and poured herself a second cup of tea. Steve struggled to think of a conversation starter, anything! But he came up empty. 

She leaned back in her chair, her hand coming up to the two rings. He thought it must be a self conscious action, similar to the way he used to chew on the end of his pencil or fiddle with his dog tags in between missions back in the war. 

“The rings,” he said, his voice coming out stilted and awkward. “I remember my Ma doing a similar thing after my Dad passed away,” 

“I’m sorry to hear that you lost your father,” She replied, letting go of the rings and turning her attentions back to her cup.

“I didn’t know him,” Steve replied, grateful of a subject to talk about. “He died in the First World War, mustard gas. My Ma used to wear his wedding band on a chain around her neck. “What did your husband do?”

“He was...a soldier,” She responded, choosing her words carefully. “He was…... taken from me.” she added after a moment’s thought. 

The door opened suddenly and Bucky entered the room. He was dressed in a pair of soft grey sweatpants and a white tank top. He looked refreshed. His hair was still slightly damp from the shower. He surveyed the room quickly, probably checking for threats, before taking a seat opposite Steve and Assa. He wordlessly helped himself to a couple of pastries and some fruit before pouring himself a large cup of coffee. 

An uncomfortable silence fell upon the room. Assa became focused on her plate of fruit, Steve sipped his coffee trying to hide how awkward and uncomfortable he felt.  
“Mornin’ Buck,” he said eventually when it became obvious neither Bucky nor Assa would be venturing any conversation. “Sleep well?” 

Bucky grunted and took a bite out of his apple. Steve bit back a sigh, he was obviously still in a bad mood. It was strange, even after everything he’d been through, his years as The Asset, he still looked like the grumpy old Bucky from Brooklyn that Steve knew so well. 

“I didn’t mean to ruin your date Buck,” Steve said apologetically. They were sitting at opposite ends of their shitty little breakfast table. Bucky had given Steve the last of the ham so he’d had to settle for just eggs. “I didn’t think she’d get so steamed up,”

Bucky just grunted, continuing to shovel eggs into his mouth.  
“How ‘bout I make it up to ya?” Steve continued. “Hot dogs at Coney Island? I’m payin’” 

Somehow Steve didn’t think hot dogs would cut it now.  
“If you’re ready, we can start getting rid of those triggers today,” Steve said, looking to Assa for confirmation. 

“Certainly,” She agreed. 

“Great,” Bucky replied but it was acidic, sarcastic. Steve fought the urge to roll his eyes. Seems that Hydra hadn’t killed Bucky’s ability to act like a total jerk. He gave Bucky a look. Bucky swallowed the last of the banana that he was eating and glared back. “I don’t remember much but I remember that fuckin’ look punk,” 

“Whatever jerk,” Steve automatically shot back, resisting the urge to stick his tongue out petulantly. 

Assa watched the two of them during this exchange and smiled slightly. She knew a little about The Soldier’s background, including how close he’d been to Steve. It was nice to see them falling back into what was obviously an old routine. But there was a hint of sadness too. He’d never been that lighthearted with her. But, she supposed, he’d been an entirely different person back in the forties. 

“Sorry to disturb your meal,” T’Challa He entered the room. “But my medical team have prepared a space where you may carry out your work,” he continued turning to face Assa. “I can assure you the room is calm and you will not be disturbed,” he slid his eyes sideways a moment, looking at Bucky. “Given the nature of what you will be doing, I hope you will understand that I have arranged some precautions to be present. They won’t interfere unless required.” 

“I’ll be there too Buck,” Steve chipped in encouragingly. Bucky just shrugged. He kept casting glances over at Assa but it wasn’t a look of distrust like it had been the previous night, it was more confused, like he was trying to connect wires within his brain. She wasn’t looking at him at all. 

“I said NO Steve, I’m not going to let HER in my head.” He looked back at Assa. “Where do you come from?” He asked in a perfectly calm, conversational tone.

“ I was born in Sweden. In the north. “ She answered softly. 

“North of Sweden,” Bucky continued, still conversational, cutting a pear into pieces awkwardly with his one arm. “I remember being there, probably murdered some of your ancestors,” he added casually.

“Bucky!” Steve said in a warning tone.

They both heard a bit of a laugh, like bells.  
“I hardly doubt it Sergeant Barnes, My ancestors are quite a bit older than you might believe. “ 

“Give me a moment to find my fucks,” Bucky shot back. “I wanna know why you, a small scrap of nothing thinks you can undo the work of people a hell of a lot smarter than you,” he shrugged. “I mean, look at you, you gotta be like what? A hundred pounds soaking wet?” He laughed bitterly. “I don’t think so Lady.” 

“Bucky…” Steve said pleadingly, he turned to Assa, his expression apologetic, “I’m sorry”

Assa blotted her lips with her napkin, smiling slightly. She wasn’t happy, far from it, but she would give him a fight, if that’s what Bucky ached for. 

“You should say sorry to her for wasting her damn time,” Bucky muttered. 

“I am not wasting my time, and the decision to be here is my own. I believe i can undo the work of these supposedly smart people, because I am the one that was there when they did it to you, and because I made sure that you came out of every session in one piece. I KNOW I ca fix you because I am smarter than all of these people put together. As for my weight and being a Lady, you never complained about it before….. “ She said getting up and leaving them to their plates.  
T  
Steve blinked, watching her go, he was taken aback, it was the most he’d ever heard her speak and he was fully aware he was gaping at the door, mouth open. He looked at T’Challa who held his left hand over his mouth, barely holding back a chuckle.

Steve recovered himself and turned back to Bucky.  
“You were a total jerk Buck,” he said flatly. Bucky simply shrugged and continued to demolish the pear. “I’m going after her,” Steve added, throwing down his napkin and leaving. 

 

T’Challa watched the scene unfold. He calmly took a seat next to Bucky, watching him struggle with the pear for a moment. Wordlessly and gently, he eased the plate away from him and serenely cut the pear into neat slices before sliding it back.  
“You see how things become easier when you allow yourself to accept help,” he said. 

“Yeah cos I’m really gonna listen to the advice of a guy who runs around dressed as a giant cat,” Bucky replied with an eye roll. The monarch picked up a piece of the cut fruit and ate it, looking sideways at his guest.  
“One of the hardest things we do as humans is reach out and allow others to help us. Especially when we are wary and do not want to because we have been hurt in the past.” T’Challa continued. not put off by Bucky’s unfriendly tone. “I believe you have experience with that do you not?” He nodded towards the door where Steve had exited. “Your friend, the Captain, I have read much about his history. He was not always the specimen that he is now is that correct?”

Bucky, who refused to be engaged, shrugged.  
“And after his mother died, you were his only family. He was sickly when he was younger, he did not want to accept your help when those illnesses would befall him. Yet you gave him the help anyway and it does not take a smart man to know that if you had not helped him, he would’ve died.” 

Bucky nodded reluctantly and sighed.  
“Yeah, little asshole never would accept help,” He agreed. 

“And yet, here you are, doing the very same,” T’Challa continued. “I do not pretend to know you, Sergeant Barnes, all I know is what I have read and what your friend has told me, but surely taking a risk, accepting the help that is offered to you, is a much better alternative than spending your life on the run and having to look over your shoulder? You have a right to be in this world Sergeant, do not deny yourself of that right because of your fear.”

“So you trust her?” Bucky asked, staring at the neatly sliced fruit, starting to feel more than a little bad about the way he’d acted.  
“The matter is not whether I trust her, or whether your friend trusts her. If this is to work, you will need to trust her,” He raised from his seat, bowing formally. “I think, if you look deep within, you will find that trust,” He added enigmatically before excusing himself and leaving the room.


	6. Chapter 6

Longing. 

A chair, leather, lights above his head, bright. 

Rusted. 

Metal restraints locking around his wrists, his ankles, his chest. Holding him down. 

Seventeen. 

Vomit hurtling to his throat. Increased beeping from the monitors connected to his heart. 

Daybreak. 

Sweat rolls down his back. Pain in his head. Throbbing. Insistent. 

Furnace. 

His muscles twitch. His eyes close. No. Please. Not this. 

Nine.

Not again. The cold table. Zola’s hands. 

Benign. 

Sergeant Barnes. 32557038. 

Homecoming. 

Think. Steve. Brooklyn. 32557038. 

One. 

His Ma. Sarah. Newspapers in her shoes. 32557038. Fight it. 32557038. 3255…

Freight Car. 

 

Готовы соблюдать. 

He looked up, his eyes tired, his voice hoarse. And there she was, like every other time before.   
The people around him seemed nervous, even more so when she took it upon herself to unlock his restraints. Once the chest piece was taken away she hovered there for a second before he leaned forward and kissed her gently. 

Steve, who had been watching the trigger words unfold, jaw clenched and fighting the urge to stop her, stopped dead when he saw the kiss. The ‘precautions’ T’Challa had arranged, the strongest women in the Dora Milaje, were standing poised, weapons raised. He raised his hand then lowered it slowly, giving them the signal to stand down. T’Challa stood at the back of the room, right hand clutching his chin, seemingly deep in thought. 

“Where am I?” his voice was different from what it had been earlier, another light kiss and he gently pushed her away and stood up off the chair.

“Wakanda.” She answered, for the first time since she’d arrived, her smile was a genuine one. 

The Soldier’s eyes grew wider, wilder when he saw the various members of the Dora Milaje standing around the room, armed with weapons. His steely eyes settled on Steve. As an added precaution, he’d brought along the Shield but was otherwise dressed casually in jeans and a white tank top.   
“Моя миссия.” He growled out. 

“My mission,” Assa translated. She laid a calming hand on Bucky’s forearm. “He is not your mission, not anymore my Love.” She said softly. “He is a friend.” He looked at her, unsure, before his eyes fell lower. 

“Как долго я был на этот раз?”

“English please my love, we need to understand you,” Assa said gently. 

“How long was I gone this time?” He repeated.   
Assa slid her hand to his and squeezed. 

“Almost four years.” 

“What about our child? Is he safe ? “ He seemed desperate for the answer, his hand holding hers tight. He didn’t care about the dozens of people around, he wanted to know about his son. 

Assa almost cried then, he seemed so sad, so hurt, so alone at that precise instant. 

“Our son is with my mother, he is healthy, handsome and absolutely perfect.” She said through her unshed tears. She turned to face the gathering, her ‘protection’. “Can you leave us please? I promise that he’s not a threat to me,” She pleaded.   
T’Challa shouted orders in Wakandan and, just like that, the members of the Dora Milaje slowly left the room. Only Steve remained, as if he were rooted to the spot, mouth open, trembling slightly, unable to take his eyes away from Bucky. It almost looked like he was about to cry. Assa watched as T’Challa waited until the last of the Dora Milaje had gone, before approaching Steve, laying a gentle hand upon his arm and slowly pulling him towards the exit. Finally there were alone. 

 

The Soldier pulled her to him and held her tight, something he always did when he felt emotional, it was his way. Assa felt safe, for the first time since he had left for Washington she felt like maybe, just maybe he would be there to stay this time, but the truth was, he would not. Her job was to make sure The Soldier never appeared again. 

She would be signing his death warrant so another man could live. 

 

“This isn’t...he...I never....” Steve’s arms flailed as he paced up and down on the balcony. There had been nothing in the Winter Soldier file, nor the files Nat had released online about Bucky being the father of a child. He couldn’t believe it when the words had come out of his best friend’s mouth. Why hadn’t he mentioned it before? why hadn’t he said anything in that dingy garage he’d found himself in with Bucky and Sam when they’d rescued Bucky from the people that were baying for his blood.   
“This is a shock to you Captain,” T’Challa said, calm as ever. He leant against the balcony’s marble railing. 

“I just...I didn’t...I” Steve gabbled. He shook his head in utter disbelief. Bucky had never talked about having kids, if anything, he’d been dismissive of the subject. 

“Can you see me with a kid Stevie?” Bucky laughed as they lay back on the grass at Fulton Park, watching the fourth of July fireworks explode in the night sky. He took another bite of his hot dog and shook his head. “Where would I fit in time for the dames and the dancin’ if I had a screamin’ kid at home huh?” 

“Well, you wouldn’t Buck. You’d be with the baby’s mother, probably married.” Steve replied, trying not to let his bitterness show. He’d never even danced with a dame, let alone coming close to marrying one.   
“Oh yeah, I can really see that! Bucky Barnes with the ol’ ball an’ chain,” He mock-punched Steve on his skinny arm. “You’re a laugh riot Stevie,” 

“You don’t think about havin’ kids?” Steve questioned. “Not ever?” He’d thought plenty about having kids. He wanted two, a boy and a girl. The boy would be the perfect gentleman, popular with girls and women alike and the girl, his daughter, would be sparky and clever, just like his Ma had been.   
“Nah, s’not for me Stevie, I like enjoyin’ myself too much. You should hear my Ma though when she starts her naggin’, always on at me to find the right girl and settle down. Nah” Bucky shook his head. “S’far as I’m concerned as long as there’s dames to dance with, I’ll be right there on the dancefloor.

 

“And now he has a son,” Steve said quietly.

 

The room was quiet except for his heartbeat, she knew that heartbeat so well, she could recognize it in a throng of strangers. 

“There’s something I… My Love, I need to ….. I have to access your thoughs. There's something I need to do.” 

He looked at her, a bit confused about the request, but sat down and motioned for her to go ahead. Assa stepped forward, standing between his legs, her hands sliding on his temples. 

“What do you need to do?” He asked tentatively. 

Assa wanted to cry.

“I have to free your asset. I have to undo the triggers.” His hands shot up to her wrists.

“Tell me his name. I might not remember you or him, but please Assa, tell me his name.” 

She breathed in, trying to control her voice, but it was to no avail, the tears already loose on her cheeks. 

“Alarik” 

Slowly, she reached into his thoughts, feeling her way to every trigger, every wall that had been built in his mind, she remembered all of them and broke them down one at a time, it took hours, but by the time she was done Bucky lay sleeping on the metal table. He would be his old self, would probably not remember her, but most importantly he could never be controlled again.

 

She watched him sleep, the gentle rise and fall of his chest, with trembling fingers she reached out, daring to run them across his stubbled cheek. She’d seen plenty of women in the village lose their menfolk and they would kneel by the body day and night just reaching out and touching, committed the feeling of their skin to memory. They would weep and then they would remove the wedding ring, placing it on a chain around their necks. With her other hand she reached up and touched the rings. She leant forward, her forehead coming to rest on his   
muscular chest. She began to weep silently. 

 

Stepping out onto the terrace she joined Steve and T’Challa, Bucky would probably sleep most of the day, if not till the next morning. She had done a lot of work. 

“You could have told me, said something. Instead of springing it on me like that.” Steve was livid. “He is my best friend, where do you get off not telling me something like that?” 

“Because it’s none of your fucking business Steve.” Assa was mad, how dare he think he deserved to be a part of her private life. “Where do you get off thinking that you deserve to know this about me, about my life.” She was openly crying now. “I have spent the past seventy years  
Taking care of him, healing him, feeding him, loving him, saving him, he might be YOUR best friend Steve, but he is MY HUSBAND.” She went quiet then. “... was. My husband.” 

She walked around a bit, calming down. 

“He will sleep now, but once he wakes up you will have your good old Bucky again.” Her tone was mildly acidic. She nodded at T’Challa before heading back inside, Steve hand on her wrist stopping her. 

“What about HIM,” he asked concerned.

“He is no concern of yours anymore.” She answered curtly. “He is gone.” And with that she left. 

 

Her room was dark and she refused to turn on the light. She sat there in a plush chair, crying. There was nothing more she could do but mourn the loss of her Soldier. Holding the rings in her hand she sat still, her forehead touching her knees. Loss so strong she could not express it in words. 

She wanted to scream, to howl, to scratch herself to the bone, anything to let out this pain. But she knew nothing would work, like any wound of the heart, this one only needed time. 

There was a knock at the door but Assa could not be bothered to answer, whomever it was would either come in or go away. 

Moments later, Steve’s head popped around the door.   
“May I come in?” He asked politely, almost apologetically, a dog with its tail between its legs. She nodded, not having the strength nor the inclination to argue. Slowly he opened the door, he was dressed only in a pair of soft blue sweatpants, obviously having readied himself for bed. In his hands he carried two steaming mugs. There was a small table by her chair, he set them down on that and she could instantly smell the richness of hot chocolate. He pulled another chair up to the table and sat down. His face was full of sorrow.   
“Cocoa,” He said, motioning to the mugs. “My Ma said it could heal anything,” He added but then shook his head, “I’m sorry, that sounded flippant.” He clenched his hands together and looked down at them.

“No, it’s alright. I’m sorry i snapped at you.” She sipped the warm liquid finding it perfect. “I just…..” The tears started flowing once more. “ He’s gone.” She turned to look at Steve, a desperate sort of look in her eye. “He’s gone and I’m still here…. And I don’t know what to do without him.” 

“I lost him back in The Alps,” Steve admitted, still staring as his clasped hands. “We were chasing down Arnim Zola. We made it to the train he was trying to escape on and…” Steve swallowed hard. “Bucky fell. I see it all the time even now. All I need to do is just close my eyes and I see him fall, again and again and again. I see the fear in his eyes, hear that horrible scream over and over. Bucky was, is, my best friend. Even when I thought I had nobody, I had Bucky. And then he was just gone...I know how you feel and I acted like a total jerk to you.” He shook his head. “My Ma would kill me if she knew I’d spoken to a woman like that,” 

Assa shook her head. 

“I’m sorry Steve but i don’t think I can do this right now. ….. I just. I can’t.” Her hands shook, spilling some of the hot cocoa and she put the mug down on the table. “ I miss him so much.” 

“Bucky was always there to remind me that I’m not alone,” Steve continued. “And I guess what I wanted to come and tell you is that I’m here to remind you that you’re not alone. I know we don’t know each other all that well but we both know what it’s like to lose him so whenever you need me to be, I’ll be here for you ok?” He offered. “Would you like me to leave you alone now?” He asked gently. 

She smiled sadly, the usual smile. 

“Go see him, be there when he wakes up. And Please let our host know I’ll be leaving in the morning. I am not needed here anymore.” 

“I’d really like it if you could stay,” Steve continued. “I don’t want to get your hopes up but,” He took a deep breath as if he were still trying to process the idea. “You have a child together, maybe what you had...isn’t gone completely,” 

“I’d like to believe that.” She said softly.

“So you’ll stay?” He questioned. She nodded in agreement. He smiled at her, a genuine, warm smile. “Good! I’m hoping that you’ll protect me from T’Challa,” He said, blushing slightly. “There was an...incident in the kitchen when I made the hot chocolate.”


	7. Chapter 7

It had been close to two days now that Assa had worked her magic on the trigger words, and only now was he beginning to stir. He had been asleep long enough for the technicians to install his new arm. They hadn’t even needed to give him any anesthetics. Assa had seen to it. Keeping a light hold on his thoughts and his wakefulness she had kept him under while they worked, afterwards, the body had needed time to adjust and he had naturally slipped into a deep sleep. 

Steve sat at the end of the bed, reading, something to do about the Dalai Lama and his appearing only when his assistance was required. 

Steve had thought about the day he got Bucky, his Bucky, back. After events of Project Insight, when he’d trawled from shitty motel to shitty motel, following countless leads with an exhausted Sam by his side, he fantasised about finding Bucky. He’d lay on some dirty flat mattress and stare up at the peeling paint of the ceiling and tell himself that the next motel, the next state, 8 would lead them to Bucky. He wouldn’t be The Asset, he would be Bucky again. Steve knew that there’d always been a part of Bucky hidden away in the shell that Hydra had created. After all, he’d saved him from the Potomac. The Asset hadn’t done that, Bucky had. 

And then the Sokovian Accords fiasco had happened. He’d found Bucky and after a mess bigger than anyone had been able to comprehend, it was all over, only for Bucky to demand to go back in Cryo. 

And now, now things were totally different. The Asset was gone but he still didn’t have his Bucky back. Not really. Sure, he could lie, he could withhold the truth and not mention anything about Assa or their child, but what kind of man would that make him? He’d be denying that child, that boy, a chance at having a father. Something that he, Steve, had never had. He couldn’t do it. It was too cruel. It was no longer about bringing his Bucky back, it was about bringing a father back. And, when the time came, he would respectfully step aside in order for that to happen. 

It was around noon the next day that Bucky’s eyes finally fluttered open. He sat up, the blanket sliding down his chest as he rubbed his eyes and looked around, confused. When he saw Steve sitting at the foot of the bed he smiled.  
“Hey Stevie,” He said, his voice sandpaper rough from disuse. 

“Hey Buck,” Steve replied, trying to keep his voice light and melodious. The past few hours he’d been struggling how to handle this. Should he talk to Assa and see if she wanted to talk to Bucky? or should he warn Bucky that not all of The Asset was an unthinking killing machine, that there was another layer to that side of him?   
“How long’ve I been out?” Bucky scratched the back of his head, pulling a face when he discovered how greasy his hair was. “Long enough to need a shower I guess,” He added after giving his armpit a cursory sniff. Steve waited patiently for him to realise. Bucky had used his left hand to scratch his head. He smiled slightly when it dawned on his friend. Bucky held his new appendage out in front of him. He looked at Steve questioningly. 

“You can thank the medical techs and Tony Stark for that. Top of the range, you can feel things with it, heat, cold, whatever,” Steve explained. 

“Stark?” Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Really?” He added doubtfully. “So what? he’d just forgetting the whole ‘hey man I kinda killed your parents’ thing?” 

“It’s his way of apologising,” Steve continued with a shrug. “He realised he was wrong but there’s no way you’re ever going to hear those words actually coming out of his mouth. Tony would much sooner drop a million dollars rather than say ‘sorry’ which works out for us I guess,” He smiled. “I mean last time he forgot my birthday and Pepper reminded him? I ended up with a new bike helmet!” 

“Good, I guess-” 

Assa walked in, startled to see Bucky up and about; she apologized softly, bowing her head and headed out the door, hoping to not have bothered the men. Steve looked up and smiled while Bucky just looked at her, a blank expression on his face.   
“I remember that freaky chick,” Bucky said once she’d left. “You let her fuck around in my head yet?”

“Buck,” Steve said in a warning tone. “Have some respect. Yes, she’s done what she needed to do and the triggers are gone,” 

“Pfft, yeah right,” Bucky rolled his eyes. “I doubt it. One tiny little woman saying she can undo decades of shit, if that’s true I’ll go down to the garden and pick the dame a shit ton of roses.” He added with a snort. 

Steve simply rose from his chair. He walked over to where he’d left his Starkphone on the chest of drawers and it up, flicking through the files until he came to the right one.   
“Longing,” He said, clearly and without fear. “Rusted, Seventeen,” 

“Steve-” 

“Daybreak, furnace, nine, benign-”

“This is not fuckin’ funny Steve,” Bucky growled, he was beginning to look like a caged animal, muscles twitching, the fist of his new metal arm clenching tightly.   
“Homecoming, one-” Steve continued, showing no signs of letting up. Bucky drew his knees to his chest and buried his forehead into them, trying to make himself as small as possible, waiting for the inevitable. He pulled at his hair, not caring that strands were getting caught between the grooves of the metal and tugging painfully. Maybe, hopefully they would keep him grounded. Keep The Asset from returning although he knew that never worked. He screwed his eyes shut and let out an involuntary whimper as Steve said the last word. “Freight car.” 

Bucky opened his eyes, unfurling as he looked around the room. Steve was standing at the foot of the bed, Starkphone in hand, a huge dorky grin on his face. Bucky narrowed his eyes for a moment before the relief rushed through him. He’d said the trigger words, all of them, and he was still there. The Asset had not taken over. He was Bucky Barnes again. It had worked. Steve was grinning wider now, that self satisfied grin of his.   
“Oh you think it’s fuckin’ funny punk?” Bucky smirked and, quick as a whip, with sniper-like accuracy, hit Steve in the chest with a pillow. 

 

Assa flattened herself against the wall, keeping herself hidden behind the door. Trying to control her emotions, this was not the right time nor place to cry. Now that he was back, awake and in perfect health, it was hard for Assa to even think of staying. Everyday she would see him, be around him; why in the world had she agreed to stay, why had she let Steve swa  
y her decision. 

Her hands went up to the rings again, feeling their grooves and working her fingers around their edges. How long would she wear them, now that he was truly gone. Being alone was not something she feared, in fact it was part of the deal, living as long as her people did, she had expected to be alone for most of her life, maybe even love and loose, but she had never expected it to be this painful. This deep. 

Maybe it was time for her to go home. Walk away from all this, break her word to Steve and just head back to her people. She had family, her mother, her son. Assa thought about it and shook her head. She had more to do here, even though it didn't feel like it, maybe working with Captain America would aleve some or her guilt over what she had done for Hydra. She continued her long lonely walk down the corridor.   
“Assa!” Steve’s voice called after her, she turned around and he was heading towards her. She sighed internally, she was not in the mood for another conversation, not now. 

“I wanted to see if you were ok…” Steve paused, then rolled his eyes at himself. “Ok, that was dumb. Of course you’re not. I just want you to know that I know how it feels to have someone taken away from you but you still have to see them everyday. It’s not a normal situation. When you feel more like talking, we can but I get for now that you want to be alone,” He continued. “I just want to thank you for what you’ve done and I know how hard it was for you and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express how much it means to me. Just know that you’ll always have a place at the Avengers Compound, if you want it.” She appreciated the effort, she really did but right now what she needed was a purpose, not an invitation to a sleepover. She sighed and smiled at him, her usual response to everything. 

“Thank you Steve, I’ll think about it.” Before pushing passed him and walking on to her room, it seemed she would be packing and heading home.

She didn’t have much, only her Sari and her hair brush. Throwing them in her bag she zipped it, trying not to cry. Her emotions were all over the place. Taking time to breath deeply, she unclasped her chain and laid it down on the table in front of her. Maybe if she cut from her past it would be easier for her to move on. 

Picking up her bag she walked out, leaving her door opened behind her. Without difficulty she found the terrace, it was empty. Breathing deeply she channeled Heimdal and asked for a gate, her request quickly answered.

“You should stay,” said a voice from behind her. She turned around and The Sol- Bucky, was standing there, dressed in a black tank top and black sweatpants. His hair was still mussed and he was obviously in need of a shower. He offered her an apologetic smile. “I was...kind of a jerk,” He admitted sheepishly.

“It doesn’t matter,” She answered trying not to look at him, it simply hurt too much. “I don’t belong here, It’ll just be harder for all of us.” 

Bucky shook his head. 

“You and me we have history, I might not remember it, not feel it right now, but I deserve to know what it was. “ He seemed almost embarrassed to ask. “I was a complete jerk to you; for that I’m sorry, but you can’t leave without telling me more. I’d like you to stay, even if it’s just for another couple of days, and anyway, I gotta give you these,” The flesh arm he was hiding behind his back was suddenly revealed to her, clutched in his fist was a small bunch of roses of varying colours. She noted, with a smile small, that the fingers and back of his hand were covered in dozens of tiny red prick marks from the thorns. He saw her looking, his grin became even more sheepish. “Gardening wasn’t exactly up there in my list of programming,” 

“I can tell,” She replied. 

“So yeah? think you could stay? give me a chance to make up for being a jerk? I mean, I personally think the Jerk Judgement takes forty-eight hours,” He continued with a shrug. “And you’re only halfway through the experience so I could still come outta this smelling like...well, roses.” He finished, holding them aloft again. 

Looking up at him she smiled, she could see herself staying, but would it be fair to her, to him, what she was hoping for, expecting maybe ; was nothing he could give her. Not now, and maybe not ever. But hope being what it is, she took the offered flowers, making sure to heal his scratches as her fingers brushed his. Hi eyes shot up in surprise but he said nothing. Assa tried not to blush and let him usher her back inside, mentally thanking Heimdal for the unused gate. 

Steve waited for them, a grin stapled to his lips. He looked at her and quickly turned away, trying not to smile too brightly. He gently put his arm around her waist and walked her to the main dining room, Bucky grabbing her bag. 

Bucky could see the distance Assa tried to keep from Steve, her back straight, her body not leaning into him, there was no chemistry there and Bucky felt relieved, though he wasn’t sure why. Hed had so many questions, one of which being why he felt like a dumb teenager every time he got close to her. His pulse would skyrocket, he was sure he was blushing like mad, and the dumbest thing came out of his mouth, sometimes bravado being a jerk was a defense mechanism, sometimes just ……. Well he babbled…. And Bucky was not known to babble around dames. 

That night, Bucky tossed and turned in his sleep. The trigger words were gone but the nightmares still came out in force as soon as his body gave into exhaustion. He’d tried his best to stay awake, to fight that oncoming tiredness and, around 3am, he’d finally conceded defeat. He’d laid back in his bed, covered himself with those silk sheets which felt way too soft, and closed his eyes. 

Like always they came to him, a roll call of every person he’d killed. They crept through his dreams, screaming at him as he saw them die over and over again. His mind would always take him back to that fateful December where he’d caused the Starks to crash. He wiped them out so quickly, so efficiently, that it had almost not seemed real. But now, in his mind’s eye, he saw it in full technicolour, played out for him to watch. He could smell the gasoline that leaked from the torn fuel pipe. He could hear the gravel crunching under his heavy combat boots as he stalked towards the crashed car. He saw the fear in the woman’s eyes, smelt her rosy perfume as he choked her to death. His attentions turned to the man, Howard, whose eyes flickered with the briefest hint of recognition before he too breathed his last. 

Without warning he was back in Siberia, back in that brutal fight between Stark’s son and Steve. He felt the blast hit his shoulder, thousands of burning hot needles searing into his metal arm all at once…

 

Assa opened her eyes. She could hear movement from the next room. She sensed that The Soldier, although she should really call him Bucky now, was dreaming. She wasn’t sure where it was by design or pure coincidence that one of T’Challa’s assistants had placed her in the room next to his but she was grateful for it. Slipping out of bed and pulling a silk robe around her, she left her room and made for the one next door. She slowly turned the ornate gold doorknob and quietly entered the room. The bed was in the middle, large and four poster, just like hers. There was a lump in the middle, half tangled in the sheets. He was growling and muttering words in Russian. She moved slowly towards the bed, not wanting to jolt him out of his nightmares. 

When she reached the head of the bed she could see that his face was contorted with pain. Tears were seeping out of his closed eyes and running down his flushed cheeks. His hair was a tangled mess. He was bare chested so she could see the sweat that was glistening in the soft moonlight. Slowly, tentatively she reached out, placing her left hand on his forehead. He stilled almost instantly, the growls softening to quiet whimpers as he flipped over onto his back. Assa brushed a few errant strands of hair from his cheek and smiled as he instinctively leant into the touch.   
“That’s it my love,” She whispered, barely audible for fear of disturbing his now peaceful slumber. She kept her hand on his cheek, sending out her calming waves. The frown on his face was now smoothed out completely. “Sleep,”


	8. Chapter 8

There was a knock on the door and Assa slowly opened her eyes. She was on her knees, next to Bucky’s bed, still holding his hand. Looking up she saw Steve peeking through the open door.

She walked by the blond, holding the door for her and took the mug of coffee he offered thanking him with a smile and a nod. They walked in silence, as they had the past few mornings heading to the main terrace. There was a table waiting for them already filled with fruits and breads. 

Steve pulled the chair for her then sat across from her, serving himself a brioche and taking the coffee offered by the attendant.   
“Bucky had a rough night?” Steve questioned. It sounded innocent but there was a slight edge to it, was it jealousy? 

“Yes, nightmares,” Assa confirmed. Steve nodded, his mouth forming into a tight line as he stirred his coffee.   
“It’s to be expected I guess,” Steve replied with a sigh. “I guess I was hoping…I don’t know, that maybe when the triggers went some of the nightmares would go with them,” he finished, looking mournfully into his coffee cup.

“I could get rid of the nightmares, but then how would he deal with his guilt, his fears. Sadly, Dreams are how humans deal with difficult emotions” She sipped her coffee and thanked Steve when he refilled her cup. “Eventually he will learn to manage, the nightmares will be less frequent and will be able to live with them.” She shook her head, “Every night it’s the same, it’s horrible. So much death. Like before, but now there's so much more guilt. The Soldier had no place for guilt. Only orders, mostly.”

She wore a blue sari today, one Steve had specifically gone to the market to find. He figured that it was the least he could do. He had looked at a few, and settled on three, all beautifully hand woven Wakandan silk. It was a small token for for all that she had done. Today she wore it with a turquoise stone on her forehead, something he had not seen her wear before and she looked beautiful. 

 

“Will you be staying here, or were you thinking of going back to the States?” She asked, her eyes boring into his. “I’ve never been to the Americas.” She stated plainly. “Maybe it’s time I work my way there.” 

Steve smiled. 

“When I was a girl the fishermen never dared to go very far, they had a fear of sea monsters and getting lost in waves one hundred feet tall. We battled with shields and spears, our enemies feared us for our bravery, our fighters were known all over the lands, as far south as what you now call Germany, to as far north as the Laplands.” Steve was shocked, to say the least. “But now, people travel by plane, in the sky, fight with computers and never even see a drop of blood, my people are long gone Captain, what am I to do? Find my little hut in India, go back to being no one, a nun again, maybe….. NO.” She said shaking her head. “It’s time I become myself; I’ll come with you if you want me to. There’s nothing else for me; not really.”

“It’s your choice Assa,” Steve replied. “America, Brooklyn specifically is mine and Bucky’s home and I think it’ll do him good to be back in a more familiar culture.” He cleared his throat, “As for your people being long gone, I know how that feels. I’m sure you’ve heard about Captain America’s origins,” 

“It’s a hard story to escape,” Assa said in agreement. “You understand my pain to a degree, more than most are able to,” 

“I really want to ask you something,” Steve continued, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. He’d woken with the question on his mind and had been internally willing himself to ask it ever since he’d found out but it never seemed like the right time. Assa had just opened herself up to him somewhat, so maybe now he could ask. She was looking at him inquiringly, silently giving him her permission to continue. “I was wondering...where your child, your son, is now?” She looked at him with a slight smile, something people do when they remember fond memories. 

“Asgard, with my mother.” Assa answered, saying it in such a way that Steve could tell their conversation was at an end. He nodded at her apologetically and made his excuses to leave. He needed to talk to Natasha. 

 

 

“You’re jealous.” Natasha said, frank as ever. Steve had gotten her up to date with everything that’d happened so far, including the revelation that Bucky was a father.   
“Well...I…” Steve stuttered, beginning to wish that he’d chosen a voice only call rather than video. Natasha was looking at him with that expression, the one that could see straight through any wool he’d try to pull over her eyes. 

“Face it Rogers, you’re jealous,” She repeated. “You thought you’d be able to repay him for all the times he sat at your sickbed and held your hand,” She continued with a shrug. “It’s not a bad thing Steve,” 

“It’s not just that,” Steve admitted. “I owe him,” 

“Owe him what?” Natasha raised one perfect eyebrow. He could see that she was in the Avengers compound, sitting at the table in the kitchen. Wanda and Vision were milling about in the background, she was obviously teaching him to cook again.   
“He fell from the train on my watch,” Steve explained, feeling that terrible pang he always felt when he talked about that fateful day. “It’s-”

“I swear Rogers, if you blame yourself for that one more time-” 

“Ok, ok,” Steve held up his hands defensively, he’d been on the end of a Natasha threat before and it wasn’t something he wanted to experience again. “She stayed in his room last night, made sure his nightmares stopped,” 

“Are you actually pouting?” Natasha asked teasingly, trying to lighten the mood. When he didn’t return her smile she rolled her eyes, “She’s obviously good for him, have you tried talking to her about how you feel?” He grunted. “Guess not. She said matter of factly. Maybe you just need to approach her, get to know her better. I mean you guys hardly shared bosom stories.” He saw her accept a spoonful of something, smiling, she tasted it and did her best to keep her face neutral. Steve saw Vision walking away in the corner of the camera. “He means well, but his recipes are horrible.” She said with a barely disguised frown. She leaned closer to the webcam, and whispered, “You have no idea what I’d do for a Big Mac right now,” 

“I’ll make sure to stop by a McDonald’s on my way back,” Steve said with a chuckle. He sighed, his mind coming, as it usually did, back to Bucky. 

“You know I think this whole situation reminds me of what I don’t have,” Steve confessed. When Natasha raised an eyebrow questioningly he continued, “I mean, if he wanted it, he’s got himself a family. A woman who clearly cares a lot about him and he has a child,” He shook his head. “He never showed any signs of wanting that. It was the opposite in fact, he’d always talk about how he couldn’t be tied down to a dame. I was the one who wanted the wife, the children, the whole white picket fence deal,” Natasha was silent, not wanting to intrude on his thoughts. 

He looked pained, his eyes watered, his lips trembled and his chin quivered.

“Should I tell him; I mean, part of me just wants to forget all about it and move on, but, as his best friend, shouldn’t I tell him. He might lose it all. What if he never remembers. Then what?” 

Natasha let him talk, this wasn’t her department. 

“Steve, you’re a good man, the best I know, if anyone knows what to do in this situation, it’s you.” 

“I was afraid you’d say that,” Steve replied. He rubbed his hand over his face. “I have to tell him. I owe it to him, to Assa, to his son,” He groaned and noticed that Natasha was smiling. He rolled his eyes at her. “You know you could’ve told me that when we started this conversation,” He said, exasperated.

“Yeah but I wanted you to work it out for yourself,” She smirked. Steve mock glared at her.

“I hope Vision decides to make chili again,” He said with his own smirk.   
“So how do you do it, heal people, is it something you learned to do or is it….. You know, does it come natural?” 

Assa smiled, she had been sitting in the gardens when Bucky had come and sat next to her. He seemed timid, not something she was used to seeing on him. 

“My mother taught me how to control it, how to find the precise point and focus on it, but other than that, it was always there for me to use.” 

“Must’ave come in handy.” He said looking anywhere but at her. He tried to pretend that the sun was in his eye, but it was obvious he just needed a reason to look away from her. 

Assa didn’t know how to act, on one hand he had come to her, seemed to want to talk, but on the other he couldn’t even look at her, she simply didn’t understand.   
“I suppose it did,” She replied eventually. 

A silence fell between them for a few moments, the two of them just enjoying the beautiful scenery.   
“So…” Bucky said, breaking the silence, “Will you be going back home after we’re done? y’know, wherever home is,” 

The question took her by surprise, for so long she had considered HIM her home but not anymore it seems. She looked away, this time she was the one trying to avoid his gaze.   
“Awkward question?” Bucky asked perceptively,

A light smile came to her lips.   
“I guess it is. I honestly don’t know where I’m headed. I’m starting from scratch it seems.”

 

“So you’re coming with us back to the US?” Bucky replied, she nodded. “I guess you could find somewhere nice to live there, Brooklyn’s great but, of course, I’m totally biased,” He added with a quick grin. 

“I hadn’t thought quite that far.” She squared her shoulders and turned towards him. “Where I come from, women mourn for a year and a day. They don’t cut their hair, dont wear jewelry or makeup, everything stops for a whole year. It’s like time stands still for them.” She stood up. “Making plans now, without taking any time….. Without stopping to mourn, it’s ….. Quite hard.”

“What are you mourning?” Bucky asked, his tone turning serious. 

“My old life, my old ways, my husband.” She tried to walk away but felt rooted on the spot. “I feel so lost.” She tried to breathe but felt tight, like someone sitting on her chest. Bringing her hand up to her chest she tried to will herself to breathe, slowly. A scream formed in her throat and she held it back emitting but a whimper. Her other hand came to her face and she felt undone. Letting go she fell to the ground sobbing. She was broken, in pieces and at this time she didn’t think anyone or anything could put her back together again. 

Bucky was on his feet in an instant. He approached her slowly, cautiously, almost as if he was afraid of hurting her. He knelt down and wrapped his flesh arm around her slim shoulders. When she didn’t resist her pulled her closer so that he head came to rest on his muscular chest. He ached to stroke her hair to calm her but, in his limited experience, people tended not to like being touched with the metal arm. 

“Oh!” A voice from the archway said. Bucky looked up to see Steve standing there looking, for all his size and importance, like that awkward skinny kid from back home. 

 

He felt Assa move and push him away, she wiped at her eyes while apologizing profusely and quickly walking away embarrassed. Bucky could still her crying, but instead of going after her he stayed to explain things to Steve, the last he needed was for his best friend to think he would hit on a new widow. 

“Um, sorry for interrupting,” Steve apologised, his cheeks were tinged with pink. 

“You weren’t interrupting anything,” Bucky shrugged. “She was upset and I was comforting her,” 

“Yeah and we all know what happens with you and crying dames,” Steve shot back, the words coming out of his mouth without him intending it. 

Bucky ignored the jab. 

“Did you know Assa just lost her husband? Was he someone you knew?” It was genuine interest, why had no-one mentioned it before. 

“Yes actually, he was,” Steve replied quietly. Bucky’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion for a moment as Steve continued to stare at him. What seemed like an age passed between them before Bucky realised.   
“No,” He said, “It was...me?” 

“Yeah Buck, it was.” Steve replied. Bucky shook his head in disbelief and sat down, perching on the edge of the lawn chair as if for support. He looked down at his hands, his new shiny metal one and his familiar flesh one. He clenched his fists.   
“No wonder she was so upset,” He said quietly. “I don’t even remember her,” He shook his head again as if he was trying to clear it. He looked up at Steve. “Why don’t I remember her?”

“Because she married The Soldier,” Steve explained gently.


	9. Chapter 9

****The knock on her door woke her, she must have fallen asleep after working on The Soldier’s reanimating sequence, those always took a lot out of her. Stretching, Maidchen made her way and opened the door. The Soldier stood there, leaning on the doorway, freshly showered. It was a surprise, usually, coming out of cryo, The Soldier should have been sleeping for the next day or so. 

Noticing her surprise he swooped in and kissed her, it was their second kiss, something he had been thinking about since he had claimed the first. Pushing her gently back into her room he closed the door behind them, snaked his arm around her and pulled her to him. After a hint of restraint, he felt her mould herself to him. Felt her lips give into him, her hands making their way under his shirt to his burning skin. ****

 

She felt a stir and opened her eyes, Blue eyes were staring at her, she must have fallen asleep by his bedside again. The look he gave her was one of confusion, interest and some amusement. Assa shook her head, straightening up, she had been dreaming. The realisation of WHAT she had been dreaming hit her and she blushed crimson. 

Getting up she pulled her robe closed and headed for the door before being stopped by a strong metal arm around her middle. 

“Wait, don’t go.” His voice soothed her. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck, his lip lightly touching her neck. “Stay tonight.” She wanted to say yes, wanted to let go, wanted to just give in and be with HIM one last time. “Please.” 

That last word was her undoing. With tearful eyes she turned around and kissed him. And though she knew it wasn’t her man, her husband, it didn’t matter. She gave in; let go; gave all she had, all he needed and took from him what she could. It was cathartic, afterwards, lying in his arms, a quasi stranger, she had not felt this good in years. 

Waking up in his arms, Assa regretted her actions. She had been weak. She had let her emotions get the best of her. Given in to one night’s temptation without thinking about the effects it would lead to. The bed moved and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer. 

“It doesn’t have to mean anything, Assa.” He said softly. “ It can, but doesn’t have to.” She felt his soft lips on her shoulder, felt him leave the bed, heard him walk to the bathroom, the water rush in the pipes. The shower door opening and closing, and she cried. 

There was a light knock on the door, like every morning, but this time when Steve peeked into the room what he saw was not Assa on the floor sleeping, instead, she was in bed, half covered by the blue silken sheets, her back to him. He could hear soft sobs and see her shoulders hiccup but he chose to close the door and walk away, this was none of his business.   
Bucky showed up for breakfast refreshed and freshly showered. Sitting in front of Steve he poured himself a coffee from the pot on the table. He looked at his friend and instantly felt guilty. 

“Don’t say it Stevie, I don’t need to hear it.” He said seriously. “Things happen, it doesn’t change anything.” He took a sip. “Not really….. I mean… only if we let it.” He got up almost throwing the mug at the wall. “Shit Steve… I don’t know anymore.” 

Sitting back Steve watched his friend, he was torn. On one hand he wanted to be mad, wanted to tell Bucky exactly what he thought of his stunt. But on the other, how could he blame him for wanting something, anything, that would tie him down to his new reality. In fact he probably would have done the same.

“Just keep in mind Buck, to you she’s just a dame, but to her, well, you’re more.” Bucky glared at him. 

“She is not JUST anything.” He spat back at Steve, “I didn’t sleep with just anyone then, and I’m certainly not sleeping with just anyone NOW.” He said angry as hell. “We had a moment Steve.” He said sitting down, the steam drained out of him. “We had a moment and we went with it; you can’t blame us for that….. Can you?” His had changed to a pleading tone. 

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that Buck, I’m just worried.” Steve was being honest, this whole situation worried him, it could easily blow up in their faces, and then where would they be. 

The day went by without Assa showing up at either breakfast, or lunch, in fact she had specifically asked to have her meals brought to her room and to not be bothered she blamed a migraine. 

“You should talk to her,” Steve finally said over a beautifully cooked supper. The kitchen assistants had surpassed themselves, making a juicy steak and a range of fresh vegetables. Steve was merely playing with it, pushing pieces about his plate, deep in thought. Bucky was tucking in with aplomb, seemingly not upset by the previous night, despite his anger earlier. 

“Maybe she needs time to think Steve,” Bucky replied through gritted teeth. Ok, so he was definitely still annoyed. “Did you think about that?” 

“I just don’t want her to become another Ginny,” Steve said coolly, taking a sip of his red wine. Usually he didn’t consider himself a wine drinker but Wakandan wine was something else. Bucky rolled his eyes at the suggestion. 

 

***”I’m sorry Ginny, he’s not here,” Steve said apologetically. This was the third time this week that a tearful Ginny, a dame Bucky had met at the dance hall a week ago, had shown up at their apartment. She’d been a one night stand, a simple night of fun and now she was quickly turning into the one that wouldn’t go away.   
“Oh...ok,” Ginny sniffled. “Well, when you see him, tell him I really want to talk to him,” 

“I will Ginny, I promise,” Steve replied, pulling a handkerchief out of the pocket of his slacks and handing it to her. He was quickly running out of them. She took it gratefully and turned away. Steve closed the apartment door and could hear her sobs echoing down the hallway. 

As soon as the door was closed, Bucky came creeping out of the bathroom.   
“She’s gone,” Steve said before his best friend could open his mouth. 

“Thank fuck for that! I’m tellin’ ya Stevie, that’s one crazy dame!”***

 

“This is in no way the same as that,” Bucky said, shoveling more steak into his mouth. “Besides, Ginny was kind of...crazy?” 

“I still think you should talk to Assa,” Steve replied shortly. “Did you know she’s told T’Challa and his assistants that she’s got a migraine? hasn’t been out of her room all day. I’m willing to bet that it isn’t a migraine.” 

“Steve,” Bucky put down his knife and fork and massaged the space between his eyebrows. “Can you just stay out of this? I don’t want to sound like an asshole here but it’s really nothing to do with you,” 

“Fine,” Steve replied, rising from his seat. He picked up his wine glass. “Just make sure you do whatever you need to do to get her out of her room. We’re supposed to be flying back to the US in the morning,” He continued, turning on his heel and leaving the room.

 

The knock on the door startled her. She had been reading a book borrowed from T’Challa’s library, putting the book down she stretched before opening the door and letting Bucky in, leaving him to close the door while she went back to the cozy chair. 

“I take it Steve sent you?” She asked while reaching for a half empty glass of wine, a bottle waiting to be emptied on the table in front of her. He shrugged, finding a glass on the tea cart and filling it before sitting across from her.   
“Even if he did, I would’ve come anyway,” Bucky replied.He took a sip of the wine and sighed deeply. “Last night was a mistake but not in the way you might think,” He continued slowly, as if he were choosing his words carefully. “At least for me. We don’t really know each other…” He took a deep breath. “And for us to do that, for me to do that, was wrong.” He slowly, tentatively slid his flesh hand across the space between them. When she didn’t resist, he wrapped his hand around hers. “When I say it was wrong and a mistake, I don’t mean that in a bad way...I’m really messed up right now and I’m scared of hurting you, worried that I already have.” He squeezed her hand. “I guess what I’m trying to say, in my own dumbass way, is that last night meant something to me,” He ducked his head, hoping she wouldn’t notice the flush across his cheeks. “And I’d really like it if you’d come with me to America and we can get to know each other a bit more…” He sighed frustratedly. “I know we already did know each other...oh god, I’m fucking this up aren’t I?”

She shook her head. “No, you’re doing fine. It’s me, I messed it up. I wasn’t honest with you. “ She tried to look him in the eyes but couldn’t choosing instead to focus on their hands. “ I take it you know ?” She said softly. “About us?” She waited for him to nod, 

“Yeah,” Bucky answered. “Steve kinda told me? don’t be angry at him or anything but we’ve always kinda had this thing, ever since we were school kids, where we could kind of read each other? anyways, I asked, he confirmed.”

She took a deep breath.   
“Did he also tell you that the…. that “ She almost broke down again. “Did he tell you that there’s a child?” 

“There’s...a child?” Bucky asked, instantly feeling his veins turn to ice, panic rising in his chest. He had a kid? The Winter Soldier, notorious assassin and serial murderer had been a father?

 

Assa nodded, noticing his face turning a unsavory grey. 

“Yes, The Soldier and I we have a son.” She looked up at his eyes, seeing the panic but refused to calm him down, refused to interfere, Bucky needed to feel this, all of it. 

“I...I…” Bucky stuttered, feeling his stomach churning. He got up, standing bolt upright, eyes wide with fear. “I’m s..s..sorry...I can’t….I can’t do this right now,” He bolted from the room, desperate to get away. He blindly ran down the length of the corridor, not caring where he ended up, just needing to get away. His heart was pounding, there were unshed tears in his eyes. 

He reached the end of the corridor before he turned around and vomited all over the polished marble floor. 

“Buck?” A concerned voice from somewhere behind him. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling guilty when he hoped the voice didn’t belong to Assa. “Bucky?” The voice was more frantic now but he couldn’t stop vomiting, feeling like everything he’d ever eaten was coming up. His throat was beginning to burn, his stomach muscles clenching painfully. “Shit Buck,” 

There was a hand on his back, rubbing small slow circles. There were tears running down his cheeks now as he heaved and retched.   
“Breathe for me pal, that’s it, nice and slow,” The words were soothing. “Can you sit down for me Buck?” Gentle hands carefully guiding him to a nearby seat. He was trembling all over now, the pain in his stomach was beginning to subside. His heart was beginning to slow to its normal rhythm. “That’s it Buck, it’s ok, you’re safe”

Bucky opened his eyes and Steve swam into view.   
“S...Stevie,” Bucky replied breathlessly. “What...happened?” 

“I think you had a panic attack Buck,” Steve said, carefully taking a seat next to him. One of T’Challa’s attendants was already beginning to clean up the mess. “What’s going on?” 

“N...nothing,” Bucky stuttered. “I think I’m gonna head to my room, get some sleep,” He stood up, shrugging off Steve’s touch and, before Steve could argue or even reply, he was halfway down the corridor.


	10. Chapter 10

To say that the flight back was awkward was the understatement of the decade, Bucky had not even acknowledged Assa and she in part had done her best to do the same, though Steve could see she was hurting. They’d entered the plane, Steve trying his best to make idle chatter, Bucky and Assa remaining silent as they boarded. Steve took a seat near the front. Bucky seemed to be holding back somewhat, Steve looked at him curiously until the pieces fit into place. He was waiting to see where Assa would sit. Once she’d taken a window seat near the front, he’d strolled to the very back and sat down on the opposite side, facing her. He studiously ignored this fact and stared out at the window.

Assa felt ashamed, she had believed that maybe, he would remember her, that maybe what he had told her about getting to know each other might really mean something, but then, deep down she had known that telling him about Alarik might be catastrophic. Still, she stood by her decision. He had needed to know, it was his choice to make and how could he without all the information, now he wouldn’t even look at her; wouldn’t acknowledge her at all, it was as though she were invisible.

Curling up on herself she smiled at Steve when he came to sit across from her, he reached softly and took her hand, laying a light kiss on it before letting it go with a squeeze. The captain came out to prepare them for take off, Steve changed seat to be next to Assa, tightened his belt and pulled her hand in his. 

“I hate takeoffs,” He said with a nervous smile. “Always made me skittish.” He glanced in Bucky’s direction to see him shooting daggers before leaning back in his seat and looking out the window again. “I guess Bucky gets nervous too,” He continued, nodding towards Bucky. 

Assa shrugged and tried to pull her hand away gently but Steve wouldn’t have it. Sighing loudly he forced himself to ask the question he didn’t really want to ask. 

“What happened yesterday? did you guys talk at all?” He looked at her, pleading, if he was going to fix this he needed to know what was broken. Assa looked away, focussing on the tarmac flying by the lift off was smooth and soon they were in the air. 

“I told him,” She whispered, trying not to feel sorry for herself as she said it. “ He panicked.” Steve could hear the quiver in her voice. “And here we are.” She added finally.

“I’m sorry Assa,” Steve said apologetically. He felt a little stab of guilt, maybe he should’ve warned her about Bucky’s attitude towards children. But then, he reasoned internally, 1940’s Bucky and present Bucky weren’t the same person. He quickly directed his train of thought away from that depressing idea. “I think all he needs is some time,” He added awkwardly when he realised he hadn’t spoken for a few seconds. “He’ll come around eventually,” 

“He doesn’t need to come around, Steve,” She said softly, “It’s not his child. He just needs to understand that……. “ She pulled her sari over her hair. “He was talking about getting to know each other and I wanted to be honest.” Her hand went to the rings. “I guess I just wanted him to know.” The quiver in her voice changed and Steve knew she was crying, “It was selfish.” 

“It wasn’t selfish Assa,” Steve countered, trying his best to sound reassuring. “He needs to know because despite what’s happened, he has responsibilities” Steve shrugged. “I grew up without a father and I’m pretty sure my Ma always regretted it. No matter who he is now, he has a son and that’s the cold, hard fact.”

Assa looked at him, thinking over what he had just said. She seemed unsure. She had long ago resigned herself to the fact that her son wouldn’t have his father yet, now, that was no longer a certainty. 

“What if I don’t want him to be?” She asked tentatively. “ What if I just walk away….?” 

“This is going to sound harsh,” Steve replied. “And I don’t mean it to but...well now he knows, he has rights. It’s not your sole decision any more,” 

 

“But it is Steve, it is MY decision, Bucky is not the man I married, NOT the father of my child, and I can reserve the right to deny him if I so wish.” This was a side of Assa Steve had never seen, the fighting side, the mother bear side, he had to admit this side might actually have a chance against Bucky.  
“I know I have no grounds asking you this but can you give him a little time? give it to yourself too. We’re going to my friend’s place, the farm I told you about? it’s quiet, no paparazzi around to bother us. It’s a peaceful place,” 

“A chance to what Steve? Decide he wants to be a dad, decide he wants to take my husbands place?” She unbuckled the seatbelt and tried to storm to another seat but feeling Steve’s hand reaching for hers she stopped. 

“He’s been through a lot,” Steve reminded her. He changed his tone using, what Clint often called, his ‘Captain America’ voice. “You both have, you can’t drop a bomb on him and take his reaction at face value. You more than most know what’s been done to him over the last seventy years,”

 

“I know…..” She said sadly; “I know all he’s been through, I get it, I’ve been in his mind, I know I should give him time, let it settle in, be understanding, but right now, I JUST DON’T CARE.” Assa sat back down, breaking into sobs. She wasn’t strong enough for this. 

Steve glanced in Bucky’s direction to see if he’d heard her raised voice and consequent sobs but he was wearing headphones. He was engrossed, or at least pretending to be, in something on the screen in front of him. Steve sighed heavily, why did he always get landed with the crying dames? 

Assa breathed in a few times, closing her eyes she centered herself, this was not who she was. She was strong, she was resilient. Hadn’t the elders always told her so?  
“I’m sorry Steve,” She said apologetically; “ I shouldn’t have raised my voice.” She looked over at where Bucky sat. “Go,” She said softly, “I think he is in need of a friend right now.” 

“Or a kick up the ass,” Steve suggested with a wink. “I know Buck. Leave him to stew in his own juices for a while. You want anything to eat? I’ve heard that the chef on board is amazing,” 

 

  
Clint’s farm was a quiet, sprawling landscape tucked away in the back end of nowhere. It consisted of a couple of fields, an old wooden barn and a ramshackle yet cosy looking house. Steve always felt a wave of calm wash over him as soon as he stepped onto the land. When Clint had first started working for Shield, he’d demanded a bolt-hole somewhere safe and quiet for when he wasn’t working on missions. Not many people knew that Clint was green-fingered as well as being the best shot Steve knew. He grew some corn and strawberries and would occasionally stop by Steve’s apartment with his home-grown treats. 

The car borrowed, of course, from Tony, kicked up clouds of dust as it rattled along the driveway leading up to the house. Assa was sitting beside him in the passenger seat. She’d calmed down towards the end of the flight, returning to her usual stoic self. Bucky on the other hand, was as petulantly silent as ever. He’d stepped off the plane, and gotten into the back seat without a single word. The only movement he’d made since then was to give Steve’s seat a little kick in a silent demand to move it forward. 

As soon as Steve got out of the car he was greeted by a tan blur, barrelling towards him whilst yapping excitedly.   
“Hey Lucky!” Steve greeted the dog happily as it jumped up in an attempt to lick his face. “Who’s my best buddy huh?” 

Bucky got out of the back seat and, for the briefest of moments, Steve thought he saw a hint of a smile when he saw the dog. 

Assa watched them go, unsure of this whole attempt of normalcy. Slowly, she gathered the folds of fabric and reached for the door handle, only for it to be opened for her by Bucky. Surprised, Assa thanked him softly, but before she could raise her head to look at him Bucky was gone, walking towards the farmhouse. 

“Why is it every time I retire you need something?” Clint said as he opened the screen door. Lucky charged back towards him, yapping and weaving between his legs as Clint walked over to greet them.   
“You’d get bored otherwise,” Steve replied with a wink. Clint clapped him on the shoulder and offered him a grin. “I see your pal is still the strong silent type,” He added, nodding his head in Bucky’s direction. 

“He’s...brooding,” Steve said lowering his voice. Bucky’s only rebuttal was to roll his eyes and clamp his arms across his chest with a shrug. 

“Well, come on in, plenty of brooding space here!” Clint waved them towards the front door.

Assa followed them in, not quite sure who this man was, but trusting in Steve she didn’t make a thing of it. Instead she followed the men one of which had already taken her bag. 

Inside the house was cosy, decorated with mismatched furniture. There were a few brightly coloured, if a little wonky looking, woven rugs on the wooden floor.   
“Wanda’s learning to weave,” Clint said by way of explanation. 

He lead them into the large kitchen. It was spotlessly clean with a large range and pine cabinets. In the center was a big pine table with six chairs around it. On top of it lay a massive hunk of bread and various cheeses and preserves. Alongside that were four glasses and a bottle of red wine and a few beers.   
“For the lady,” Clint said, motioning to the wine with a flourish. “I’m not gonna pretend it’s anything like the Wakandan stuff you’ve been having but it’s a few levels above the stuff you could power my tractor with,” He smiled at Assa. “Clint, Clint Barton, fully paid up member of Team Cap,” 

 

“Assa couldn’t help but laugh, a light sound, something Steve hadn’t heard often coming from her.   
“Nice to meet you Clint, I’m Assa.” She said holding out her hand and shaking his. Looking around the kitchen she saw Bucky, and decided to give him a break. “Thank you so much for the offer Clint, but I think I’m going to head to my room, if I have a room?” She enquired smiling. 

“You certainly do,” Clint replied. “It’s the first room on the left. You’ll find everything you need, towels and stuff. Nat threatened me with some of Vision’s chilli if I didn’t change the sheets,” He shrugged. “I know you don’t know who they are but seriously, if you meet him, do not let Vision cook for you,” He pulled a face. 

She thanked him with a smile and went to find her room, leaving the men to talk. 

“Any vodka?” Bucky asked as soon as Assa was out of the room and he could hear her footsteps on the creaky old stairs. 

“As a matter of fact yes,” Clint crossed the kitchen and pulled a bottle of vodka from one of the cupboards. “You drink it all, you explain to Nat.” He added, handing it over. He rummaged in another cupboard. “You Russians take pint glasses with your vodka right?” He joked. 

“I’m not Russian.” Bucky replied flatly. He unscrewed the top from the bottle and took a quick swig, relishing the slight burn. It was indeed the good shit. 

“Easy big guy,” Clint said, handing him a shot glass with a cartoon dog on it. “Not straight from the bottle, drink it like a human.” 

“Is that supposed to be funny?” Bucky said testily. He sat down at the table and took the proffered glass. 

“Well...yeah actually.” Clint answered. He sat down opposite Bucky and grabbed himself a bottle of beer, cracking it open on the corner of the table. “And for the Captain?” 

“Beer’s fine,” Steve said reaching for a bottle. Once they were all settled and had drinks in hand, Clint’s expression turned serious. 

“So, give me the four-one-one. What are we looking at here?” He asked. 

“Well Assa has been working with Bucky and has successfully managed to remove the triggers that turn him into the Winter Soldier,” Steve started to explain, picking at the label on his bottle of beer. “So that’s one less thing to worry about. She’s still working with him but things are a little...complicated,” He looked to Bucky for a reaction but Bucky merely stared into his shot glass of vodka like it was the most interesting thing in the world. “What’s been happening in the press lately? anything we need to worry about?” 

“For the most part it’s died down,” Clint replied, taking a sip from his bottle. “But as soon as it gets out that you guys are back in the US, I reckon we’ll be looking at a major shitstorm. You’re welcome to stay here a long as you like but I can’t totally guarantee the wolves that’ll be baying for the Winter Soldier’s blood won’t slip past my defences.” 

“Thanks Clint,” Steve nodded. “I guess what we’ll need to do is keep our heads down for the meantime. Assa can continue her work here, we can get anything she might need for further sessions. Tony’s desperate to make it up to us,” 

“I bet he is,” Clint rolled his eyes. “Asshole.” 

“So,” Steve turned to Bucky. “Anything you wanna add Buck?” 

“Any more alcohol?” Bucky asked, taking another shot. “I’ve had a shit day.” 

“You know we can’t get drunk right?” Steve raised an eyebrow, trying not to show how concerned he was. The Bucky of old liked a drink or two but he’d never knocked it back like water like he was doing now. Steve supposed it was the shock but it didn’t look like Bucky was going to confirm or deny that given his current mood.   
“Maybe YOU can’t,” Bucky replied. “Inferior serum remember? I can get as shitfaced as I like and right now, I wanna get seven shades of shitfaced,” 

“You’re gonna have to face up to your responsibilities Buck,” Steve said, picking his words carefully for fear of inducing another panic attack. “Like it or not you’re a father,” 

“I’m guessing I missed something pretty major here,” Clint said as he stood up. “I’m gonna drink this on the porch. If you guys wanna fight each other, take it to the barn ok? no smashy smashy in the kitchen. Cap, you know where the bedrooms are when you wanna turn in,” He offered a dorky little salute and left the kitchen with Lucky trotting along at his heels. 

“Well I don’t like it Stevie,” Bucky said angrily as soon as Clint was gone. “I mean, what the fuck? those fuckin’ triggers are barely out of my head and she tells me I’ve got a fuckin’ kid?” He shook his head in disbelief. 

“I know why you’re so angry,” Steve replied calmly, taking another sip of his beer. It was at times like this he wished he could get drunk. “It’s because you’ve got feelings for her and you’re scared,” 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ Steve! Of course I’m scared! I’m fuckin’ terrified! I’ve got most of the world wanting me dead and the rest of it wanting to see me sent to some facility somewhere for the rest of my life. Then she comes along, plucks those triggers out like they’re nothing and all of a sudden I feel like I’m fuckin’ fifteen again!” He took another shot of vodka. “You have no idea what she does to me Stevie, I feel like I’m goin’ crazy here. Why do you think I’ve been so moody? I’m not a total asshole you know,” 

“Then you gotta talk to her Buck,” Steve continued. He wanted to tell Bucky about Peggy and how much she’d sent his senses into a spin but he held back. It was still something of a sore wound that he wasn’t willing to pick at. “She got real upset on the flight over here, you need to tell her how you feel,” 

“And what?” Bucky challenged. He shook his head and poured another shot. “Have her reject me?” 

“Is that what you’re afraid of?” Steve asked curiously. This was interesting. Bucky ‘Ladies Man’ Barnes, afraid of his feelings for a woman. “You really are turning into me,” He added with a wink to show he was joking. If Bucky understood or remembered their moment in the bar all those years ago, he didn’t show it. Instead he looked up and Steve was taken aback to see tears glistening in his eyes. 

“I love her Stevie. I don’t know how or why,but I really love her,”


	11. Chapter 11

He’s fresh from the shower. He doesn’t take one as much as he should cos water ain’t cheap. That and sometimes the damn thing doesn’t work properly anyway. You could find yourself under a hot spray one minute then, without warning, freezing your balls off under the coldest spray he’d ever felt in his life. But it beats living at his parents place. Having his own apartment, as shitty as it was, gave him a lot more freedom to do the things he liked such as hanging out with Steve and going dancing. 

The crappy shower was worth it. His hair was slicked back with the last of the Brylcreem he’d managed to scrape out of the tub he shared with Steve. His Ma had done his best with his old suit and he’d shined up his shoes real good. He flashed himself a smile in the mirror…

The mirror cracked, shattering into pieces. He could still see his reflection in the shards that remained within the frame. His hair, once so perfect, was long and straggly. His eyes were dark and his face was covered in blood. He looked down at his hands, both were gleaming red. Then the screaming started. Long and loud and cutting through his very soul. He was a murderer. The faces came again, men and women. It was for the greater good. Except it wasn’t. He was a cold blooded killer…

 

Bucky woke up, sitting bolt upright in his bed. Another damn nightmare. He looked around the room with confusion before he remembered that they’d left Wakanda and were currently holed up in Clint Barton’s farm house in buttfuck nowhere. Sighing deeply, he wiped the sweat off his forehead with a corner of the sheets and ran a hand through his tangled hair. He’d half hoped for a hangover when he’d finally collapsed into bed after talking with Steve. It would be something to distract him, keep his mind off of the swirling, non-stop mess of crap his brain seemed to be these days. 

It was disorientating, not knowing who you really were and at the same time trying to live up to other people’s expectations. Everyone seemed to see him as a completely different person than the last. The Asset, The Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes...it was like three glasses had shattered and he was forced to sift through the pieces to make some semblance of a useable glass again. 

Once his breathing and heart rate slowed down, he swung his legs out of bed and pulled the purple t-shirt that Clint had provided him with, over his head. Rubbing his eyes he made for the door. Since he was awake he might as well fix himself a drink. Going back to sleep after one of his nightmares was never easy and, nine times out of then, he preferred not to. 

He crept down the stairs, taking great care to make his footfalls light so that the wood wouldn’t creak too much. Unsurprisingly the kitchen was deserted aside from the empty beer bottles and the almost empty bottle of vodka. It was partly his training and partly his enhanced hearing that picked up on the voices coming from the porch. He could just about make out two figures sitting on the steps, talking in low voices. Bucky moved forward, wanting to know what was being said. 

“I don’t know how to handle him any more,” Steve was talking. He sounded mournful. There was a pause in his words and Bucky saw the shadow on the left put a small bottle to his lips. “I feel like I’m putting him under this pressure to be the Bucky I knew before the war and I feel guilty for doing it because I know that that’s never gonna happen. I’m not the same guy that went into the ice so why should I expect Bucky not to have changed?” 

“Hey man, this is one hell of a messed up situation,” Another voice, Clint’s, replied. “I mean, there isn’t really a life manual anyway and the last time I checked there definitely wasn’t one for frozen and brainwashed super soldiers. You gotta give the guy time. It’s one hell of a fucked up world to come back into and a lot of people want to see him pay for his crimes.” 

“I know,” Steve sounded resigned now, the shadow slumped as if he were putting his head in his hands. “I don’t even know how we’re going to tackle that. My priority has been getting those triggers out of his head to lessen the chances of anything happening and now we’re back here I gotta start thinking about how we’re going to get him out of this mess,” 

“The woman, Assa, has she been helpful throughout all of this?” Clint asked.

“More than I imagined,” Steve admitted. “But she brings her own complications. To cut a long story short, she and Bucky were married while he was still under Hydra’s control and they ended up having a child who’s now living in Asgard which is where Assa is originally from,” Steve groaned as he recounted the information. It was just another thing in his long list of things he needed to worry about. 

“Ok...either I’m really drunk right now or my hearing is messed up because I’m sure you just said Bucky has a wife and kid,” Clint sounded taken aback. 

“It gets more complicated,” Steve continued grimly. “She married The Soldier, not Bucky. So when she got rid of the triggers, she effectively got rid of the guy she married,” 

“Jesus…” Clint took a sharp intake of breath, “Honestly man, I wouldn’t even know where to start untangling that thread,” 

 

Bucky turned away and crept back up the stairs. He didn’t want to hear anymore. He passed the room that Clint had given Assa and, for a moment, touched the doorknob, silently arguing with himself. Taking a deep breath and hoping he wasn’t going to make another complete ass of himself with her, he opened the door. 

He needn’t have bothered with being so quiet. Assa wasn’t sleeping. Instead she was sitting in an old rocking chair looking out of the large window. He could see from the glow of the moonlight that she was crying again. He’d seen her crying to Steve on the plane but he’d felt scared. He didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing and make it worse. He also didn’t want to do anything that would make her hate him. From what he could understand he was effectively her husband on the outside but a total stranger on the inside.

“Another nightmare?” She asked softly as Bucky slipped into the room. There were no other chairs in the room so he perched himself on the end of the bed. She didn’t turn around but continued to stare out of the window.   
“Yeah,” He admitted. 

“I expected as much. If you need me to calm your mind, I can do that for you,” Assa replied politely,flatly, quite different from the last time they’d spoken. 

“Actually I was kinda hoping it would be the other way around,” Bucky said nervously. He looked down at his hands. “I’m sorry for the way I reacted,” He continued, feeling like he was stumbling along, flailing for the right words to say. He felt like he was trying to traverse a minefield, not knowing if the next step would cause an explosion. “And I know I was a total dick and I upset you but I’m gonna be honest. The kid thing? that was a hell of a lot to take in so soon after coming out of cryo. I mean, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact we were married,” 

“We weren’t,” Assa replied, sounding a little choked up. She was still refusing to turn around. He wanted to reach out and touch her so badly. “I was married to The Soldier.” She said hoping to not sound like a petulant child. “He’s gone now.” She said in a calmer tone; “He is gone and no part of him is left, I made sure of that.” There was a bitter hint to her words and Bucky started to appreciate the enormity of what she’d done for him. 

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, feeling sheepish about how he’d acted the past couple of days. He wanted to say so much more, but nothing came to him, just being close to her made him lose his senses. All he wanted to do was touch her, hold her, make it alright again, but he could never do that. Instead he would have to settle for maybe making her smile again, one day.

“It’s not your fault Bucky, It’s something that was done to you; I can never give you back who you were BEFORE Hydra, but at least I can give you who you can be, now, without the triggers.” She turned to look at him, a sad smile on her lips. “No matter what they made him do, you need to know that he was always good to me. He was…. My world for so many years. Now I don’t know what to do with myself.” 

“Why don’t I remember you or...us?” He asked bluntly, it was something he’d wanted to know since Steve had told him about Assa and The Soldier. “Why do I remember everything horrible I did, every kill, every wipe session, every bad thing they ever did to me, but I can’t for the life of me remember you, the one good thing?” Now it was his turn to be weepy, his voice quivering though he tried to keep a tight grip on his emotions. 

Assa stood up, she wanted to touch him so badly, to let him know it would be ok, that he had a whole life in front of him now, that he didn’t need to hurt anymore, but she stopped herself. 

“Early on, I realized every time they wiped you, you’d forget me,” She sighed,”We weren’t anything close to lovers then, not even friends, but it made my job harder, having to work on a new relationship every time you came out of cryo. So, I tied the triggers and the memories of me together, every time they would wipe you, trigger you, you would remember me.” Gently she took his hand, Looking him in the eyes. “With the triggers gone, so are all your memories of me, of US.” She stated simply, letting go of his hand. 

“It’s very hard for me to look at you and not see him, I know it’s not fair to you, but all I want to do is be with you, even though I know …… “ She shook her head. “My brain knows but my heart doesn’t care, it seems.” She whispered, a tiny smile on her lips. 

Bucky was speechless, what did you answer to that. Back in the day a dame would have said that and he would have given her exactly what she wanted, no need to think, but this, well …..Assa deserved more, especially considering the circumstances.

Slowly Bucky reached for her hand, leaving her enough time to pull away, gently taking it in his he pulled her closer, much closer, they were eye to eye and Bucky could see the confusion, fear and longing in her eyes. 

“I can’t be HIM,” He whispered softly. “but I can be me, and maybe being me isn’t so bad, maybe…” He hesitated. “ Maybe I can be enough, not now, but one day.” He saw the fear pass, the confusion disappear, he felt something lapping at his thoughts and he smiled softly. He knew she was just making sure, verifying he wasn’t pretending, wasn’t trying to be something he wasn’t ready to be.

When he felt her leave his mind he leaned in and kissed her, just a light kiss, something sweet to keep them hoping for more. He felt her melt against him and smiled, moving away slowly. 

“Goodnight,” He said before turning and leaving, making sure to close the door behind him. 

 

The birds were chirping when Assa woke up, she looked around and realized she was in bed all tucked in but didn’t remember moving from the chair. Stretching, she got up and got ready for her day. Today she and Bucky needed to work on anxiety control. Breathing, thinking happy thoughts. She hoped it would be easier than it sounded, but she knew better. 

Getting to the kitchen she joined Steve and Bucky already having their coffee, seeing her Bucky got up and pulled her a chair, serving her coffee and, before sitting back down, laying a soft kiss on her head. 

“Morning.” He said smiling. Assa blushed, looking at anything but Steve and Bucky, whispering a greeting to both. 

Steve was confused, things had changed between the two, but when, and how? His face must have shown his surprise since Bucky looked at him and winked.   
“Why don’t you pick up your jaw off the floor there Stevie, Nothing to see here.” He said grinning, a slight blush on his cheeks, “We talked things out. We’re ok.” He said finishing his toast. He winked at Assa and saw her turn a deep shade of pink. “Aren’t we Sweetheart?” He added just to see her blush some more. He had to admit he loved that shade on her. 

“Uh, did I just miss something huge?” Clint walked into the kitchen. He was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt that was covered in dirt smears. He was carrying a small punnet of strawberries. 

“Yep but that’s nothing new,” Bucky replied with a smirk. Clint rolled his eyes and threw a strawberry at him. Bucky, of course, dodged and the strawberry fell to the floor where Lucky leapt up from him dog bed and claimed it. 

“It’s way too early for food fights,” Steve complained good naturedly. It was good to see Bucky like this again, smiling and acting like the Bucky he knew. It was also surprisingly pleasant to see Assa in good spirits too. He’d grown quite attached to her since they’d met and he was hoping it would be a friendship that she would want to keep up with once her work was done. 

“So Maria called,” Clint said as he sat down at the table and pushed the strawberries into the center. Bucky immediately pounced on them, plucking out the biggest and eating it with great relish.   
“Who?” Bucky asked, mouth full of the fruit. Assa shook her head at him fondly. 

“Maria Hill. She worked for Shield with us Buck,” Steve cut in to explain. 

“She’s been talking to a few of her old legal contacts,” Clint continued. “It’s pretty much a given that, at some point, the US is gonna want to put you on trial for your ‘crimes’,” Clint explained to Bucky, taking great care to use air quotes when he said ‘crimes’. “Nobody here is really surprised right?” 

“We knew it was probably an eventuality,” Steve agreed, looking at Bucky who nodded and grabbed another strawberry. 

“As unfair and wrong as it is,” Assa said with more than a hint of contempt. 

“Well yeah,” Clint replied. “Let’s face it, it fucking sucks but this is what we’re dealing with. The good news is that Maria thinks there’s a pretty good chance we’ll be able to pull the brainwashing card,” He paused for a moment. “The only problem with that is that you’ll be found not guilty for everything but there’s a high probability they’ll want to admit you to a mental institution which, again, fucking sucks but hey it’s gotta be better than prison right?” 

“If that’s the best we’ve got, I’ll deal with it,” Bucky shrugged. He looked a little defeated but was obviously trying his best to keep a brave face on in wake of the news. 

“But the public don’t know Bucky is currently back in the US?” Assa questioned. She slid her slim hand across the table and took Bucky’s flesh hand. 

“Nothing showed up in the news so far,” Clint shrugged. “None of my neighbours round here will care if they happen to spot him, if it isn’t about cattle shows and homemade beer they don’t wanna know,” 

“Then we should keep it quiet, make sure that nobody discovers him here,” Assa continued, giving Bucky’s hand a squeeze. “I will continue to work with him, improve his mental state and perhaps when the time comes we can argue that he’s mentally fit to be out of an institution.” 

“That could work,” Clint nodded in agreement. “They might still wanna keep a track of his whereabouts or have him come in for outpatient sessions but it’s definitely an avenue to explore,” He tossed another strawberry at Lucky who chased it around the floor with his nose for a few seconds before eating it.   
“We’ll worry about that when the time comes,” Steve said with an air of finality. “Right now we need to concentrate on getting you feeling better,” He nodded at Bucky and offered him a smile. 

“Do you have somewhere calming I can work with Bucky?” Assa asked Clint. 

“If outside is good for you, there’s a gazebo out back,” Clint tossed a thumb in the direction of his backyard. “Surrounded by trees so it’s private, I got a couple of chairs and a couple of loungers out there. I like to sit there when I’ve come home from a rough mission,” 

“That sounds perfect,” Assa replied with a smile.


	12. Chapter 12

“Find a pleasant memory, something soothing that you can latch onto at anytime. Something close to the surface.” They held hands, sitting on the ground facing each other. They’d taken up Clint’s suggestion and decided to hold their session in the gazebo at the end of his backyard. Assa felt Bucky’s thoughts, making sure his focus was strong. Raising her eyebrow she opened her eyes looking at him, a stupid grin on his face. “That’s your soothing thought?” She asked trying not to blush, the images she saw of them together in his bed in Wakanda. 

“Well, you said pleasant memory.” He stated flatly, “And that’s a very pleasant memory.” Assa rolled her eyes. “Ok, sorry, let me try again,” He focused again, closing his eyes. She felt the image shift, something soft, a light kiss a soft voice, his mother. “How’s this?” He asked. 

“Very good.” She said softly, loving the choice of memory. “Now hold onto it,” She heard his intake of breath, “How does it feel, what’s the first word that comes to you.?” 

“Unconditional.” He whispered, Smiling softly, an unusual warmth in his voice. Assa loved the feeling she got from him, comfort and love and acceptance in waves. 

“Tell me about her, your mother;” She asked. “What kind of a woman was she?” She felt him focus even more, organizing his thoughts. 

“She was a kind woman, used to tuck me in bed every night, kiss my forehead and sing to me.” There was a smile in his voice. “She worked hard, her hands were rough but to me they were the softest hands in the world, kinda like yours.” He said as he caressed the top of her hand with his thumb. “Her name was Winifred,” He continued. “I can still smell her perfume if I concentrate hard enough. My Dad bought her it for one of their anniversaries,” Bucky inhaled deeply keeping his eyes closed. “Roses and jasmine,” He said after a moment or two. “It was really expensive stuff, I remember the look on her face when he gave it to her,”

“Perfect,” Assa smiled. “You’re doing really well, hold onto that thought for me,” She sent strong, calming waves through their joined hands. “Tell me more about your childhood, it sounded very happy,” 

“It was,” Bucky continued. “Me and Steve were always getting into scrapes. His Ma would treat me like her second son. She was such an awesome woman, so loving and kind and she’d do anythin’ for anyone,” 

Assa tied the feeling down, made it easy to get to, left it on the surface, this way if he did panic, if he needed a quick out, this thought, his mother, his childhood, would be easy to grasp.   
“Are you ready to test it out?” She asked gently. Bucky nodded, fear threatening to overtake him but he focused on the feel of her hand in his, the calming waves she was sending out. He knew he could trust her. “Ok, when you’re ready, I want you to tell me about when you lost your arm,” 

“Ok…” Bucky replied, a little shakily. He took a deep breath. “I...woke up...didn’t know where I was, was strapped to some table…” He started, already feeling his heart beginning to beat faster. “There were noises, lots of noises...people talking in a language I didn’t understand...they...they...didn’t...I was...awake for...it,” 

 

“Breathe Bucky,” She said softly, “Think of your mother, her voice, her soft hands, her perfume.” She felt his heartbeat stabilize. “Good.” SHe voiced again. “Go on; you’re doing great.” Her hands squeezed his and she felt him respond. 

“It hurt...it hurt so fucking much...thought I was gonna die…” Bucky tried to take a deep, cleansing breath. He was suddenly aware of the scent of roses and jasmine invading his nostrils. He breathed it in like it was oxygen. “I guess I must’ve passed out at some point cos when I woke up, I had the metal arm.” 

“What’s the next thing you remember ?” She asked in a whisper, her thumb making calming circles on his hands.

“The training…” Bucky replied. “Conditioning...they tried their hardest to break me...told me Steve was dead,” He took another deep breath, trying his best to concentrate on the scent that he could feel slipping away. “When they couldn’t do it through words...they...it became physical...I tried to resist…” The scent disappeared suddenly and Bucky felt his breathing start to quicken. “But...I couldn’t...relentless...it was...I was…”

 

“Stop.” Assa said in a commanding tone. “Come back to me, breathe.” She held his hands a little tighter. “Open your eyes. You’re not there anymore; you’re here with me.” 

“Tell...me...tell me...I’m s..s..safe…”

“You are safe.” She said softly. “Here no one will touch you.” She sent out comforting tendrils and soft thoughts of his mother, making sure to follow his heartbeat, his breathing, doing what she needed to let him take back control. 

 

Steve brought the axe down on the log, satisfied as it split neatly into two pieces. Clint didn’t really need the firewood, judging by his supply in the barn, but Steve got the impression that he’d been asked to chop it as a sort of release for all his pent up emotions. He had to admit that it was working somewhat. He pushed the two halves aside and placed another log on the chopping block. He was about to bring the axe down again when he heard Lucky barking and saw the dog running towards him with Clint not far behind. 

“Hey boy!” Steve said delightedly as Lucky jumped up to greet him. He loved having the dog around. He hadn’t mentioned it to anyone yet but he’d secretly sent an email to Sam, asking him to use his contacts at the VA to look into the prospect of getting a service dog for Bucky. 

“Good news,” Clint announced as he reached Steve. “Bucky has a lawyer,” 

“Already?” Steve used the back of his hand to wipe the sweat off his forehead. “Wow, that was fast,” He paused, realisation hitting him. “Tony?”

“Pepper actually,” Clint replied. “She got to talking with Maria and it turns out her best friend is a lawyer. A shit hot one too,” 

“How much does she charge?” Steve asked. He wasn’t short of money, he still had nearly all of his back pay from the US Army sitting in his bank account. If need be, he would use it all to keep Bucky out of prison or a mental hospital. 

“Well you might wanna talk it over with her but I got the impression she’s doing it pro bono,” Clint answered. “I mean, think about it, The Winter Soldier trial is gonna be the biggest legal case this decade, hell, this century. She wins for him and she’ll be up to her neck in work for the rest of her career,” He shrugged. “Anyway, she’s gonna be on Skype in an hour if you want to talk to her,” 

 

An hour and some colourful swearing from Clint later, Steve was sitting in his room with Clint’s old laptop. It had been a job and a half to get it working again but Clint had managed and he was convinced it would hold out long enough for his conversation with Bucky’s lawyer. Before he could really gather his thoughts and feelings on the idea that this Claire person was going to help them, the laptop made an annoying little tune and a box flashed up on screen. Steve had never used Skype before but Clint had told him to press the ‘little green button with the camera icon’. Steve clicked on it and hoped for the best. It took a few seconds for the connection to come through but before long he was ‘face to face’ with Claire. 

The first thing that struck him, quite unexpectedly, was how beautiful she was. It seemed highly inappropriate given the circumstances but he was, after all, still a red blooded male. What caught his attention were her eyes, beautiful, large, green, her hair was loose, falling in waves around her face, she seemed tired but ready to work, but what Steve noticed most of all was her smile, genuine, warm, simply perfect. 

“Captain Rogers,” She said warmly. “Such a great honor to meet you.” The sincerity in her voice came through crystal clear and Steve was enthralled. 

“Nice to meet you too! oh...and you can call me Steve,” Steve replied, suddenly feeling flustered. He was taken back to that first car ride with Peggy. He felt clumsy and awkward and hoped that he wasn’t going to make a fool of himself. “Thanks...thank you for helping us, me...I mean Bucky,” He almost face-palmed but then remember she could see him so he settled for what he hoped wasn’t too dorky a grin. 

 

Claire laughed, a light sort of giggle, swiping her hair over her shoulders she looked at the papers in front of her and hoped he wouldn’t notice her juvenile blush. 

“So, my client would be ….. Sergeant Barnes, Correct?” She tried to seems professional and hoped she hadn’t failed miserably. “Being tried for acts of treason, murder and …..” She shuffled her papers around; “a lot more it seems.” She said seemingly surprised. “Sorry,” She added, “ I just received the file a few hours ago.” 

“No, no it’s fine,” Steve replied reassuringly. “Yeah that’s Bucky. From what I understand the government is trying to hold him accountable for everything he did as The Winter Soldier. Maria Hill, I don’t know if you’ve met her, seems to think that we might be able to avoid prison by pressing the issue that he was the victim in all of this,” 

The woman on the screen seemed to think for a moment. 

“I’ll need to meet him, make a case.” She looked up at Steve, her big green eyes staring at his blue ones. “I’ll take this case, I don’t see how I couldn’t.” He saw her pick something up off camera. “How about I come to you… maybe…. After tomorrow?” She looked up questioningly.

“That would be great,” Steve answered, feeling hopeful for the first time in weeks. “Just make sure you’re not followed. I don’t see why you would be but it’s best to make sure. We want to keep Bucky’s return to the US as quiet as we can for as long as we can,” 

“Understood.” She said simply. “Captain Rogers, it was a pleasure.” She added with a grin. “I simply cannot wait to finally meet you.” She added as an afterthought. 

“Me too,” Steve replied, feeling the blush on his cheeks and hoping to god that it didn’t show through the video feed. “I’ll see you in a couple of days…” He paused, realising he didn’t know how to end the call. He felt stupid as Claire gave him one last, almost knowing, smile and ended the call at her end. 

 

“Stevie’s got a crush! Stevie’s got a crush!” Bucky sing-songed later on that evening. Everyone was, once again, gathered around Clint’s kitchen table. Clint had shown himself to be quite the capable cook, providing them with a delicious beef stew. As they’d eaten, Steve had explained the situation with Claire and recounted their earlier conversation. It was at that point that Bucky had decided he wanted to be as obnoxious as humanly possible.   
“Shut it Buck, I do not,” Steve protested. He’d blushed as he’d talked about Claire. The one external sign that he did indeed have a crush. Not that he was prepared to admit it to Bucky. 

“Oh my god Stevie, you so fuckin’ do!” Bucky teased. “It’s so obvious!”

 

Assa rolled her eyes at the two men’s antics.   
“Is this a normal thing for you two?” She asked between bites. 

“Unfortunately yes,” Steve replied, pulling a face at Bucky who gave him the finger in return and stuck his tongue out. 

“My little Stevie! all grown up!” He chorused, reaching forward to ruffle Steve’s blond hair. 

“Remember what I told you guys,” Clint reminded them through a mouthful of stew. “No smashy smashy, barn.”

 

Assa couldn’t help but laugh lightly, this was the most they had said to each other over a meal in days. Everyone seemed comfortable and no one felt out of place. 

“Just let it be Bucky, Steve has a right to keep some things to himself.” She said trying to be the voice of reason,. 

“What she said,” Clint agreed, motioning to Assa with his fork. “Plus I’m eating here, I don’t really wanna think about Captain America doing the do,” 

“I hate you both,” Steve said, feigning contempt. “Besides Buck, you’re one to talk! Don’t think I don’t notice you giving Assa the goo-goo eyes every time she walks in the room,” 

Assa blushed beet red and looked down at her plate. Clint, seeing this, threw Steve a ‘Watch-What-You’re-Saying’ look. Steve had the good grace to look somewhat embarrassed.   
“I’m sorry Assa, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable,” He apologised. 

An uncomfortable silence blanketed the table. Steve looked at Bucky who shrugged. Assa kept her eyes on her stew, saying nothing.   
“Sooooo...how about we break this awkward moment up with a little light relief?” Clint said after a couple of minutes of silence. “Let’s talk about the trial!” He said with a teasing grin. 

“You guys can talk battle plans,” Bucky replied, putting down his fork and standing up. “Assa and I are gonna head to the gazebo if that’s ok with you?” 

“Fine by me,” Clint shrugged. Assa didn’t need to hear it twice, she put down her own fork and left the table, heading out of the door that led to the backyard. 

“I’m really sorry Buck,” Steve said emphatically. “I really didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, my mouth got carried away...for a second it felt like we were-”

“Back in Brooklyn?” Bucky replied with a wistful smile, “Yeah, me too. Don’t worry about Stevie, I’ll talk to her, you guys work out this trial stuff and fill me in later,” 

 

Bucky followed Assa down to the gazebo where she was already sitting on one of the loungers. He sat down on the second one and offered her a smile.   
“You didn’t need to run off Sweetheart, Steve didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just our way.” 

“I am not your Sweetheart,” She answered with an edge in her voice, turning to face him as he grabbed her hand, pulling her just close enough to stand forehead to forehead.

“But you are,” He said in a whisper, “Just because I need some time and I don’t know where I’m going, does NOT mean that I don’t know what I want.” His tone was warm but definite. He added with a smile, kissing her forehead. Feeling her relax he leaned in for a light kiss, only to be denied when she moved away. 

“Didn’t you want to work more? That is what I’m here for” She asked awkwardly. He rolled his eyes before lightly pulling on her wrist again leading her back to him. “Bucky…. This isn’t work.” She said with a hint of a smile. He slid his metal arm around her waist pinning her against him. Looking into her eyes he saw no objections.

“I’m currently working on my self restraint.” He stated before kissing her again. He heard her moan softly before kissing him back. “Very hard work.” He added before giving her a last kiss and leading her to a tree where they both sat in the grass. 

 

Breakfast was early the following morning. Clint laid on the works, eggs, bacon, pancakes as well as an assortment of juices although nobody was eating very much. Bucky gave Steve a knowing smile when he came downstairs dressed in a smart shirt and clean jeans.   
“All dressed up and nowhere to go?” Clint teased as he helped himself to more coffee. 

“He’s doing it for Claire,” Bucky stage whispered before Assa shot him a warning look. 

“I just like to look presentable when I’m meeting somebody new,” Steve replied in an uppity tone before casting his eyes over Bucky, “Unlike you, you ever heard of a thing called a razor Buck?” 

“Hey, some people like the rough look,” Bucky said with a wink. Assa smiled and blushed as she helped herself to some fruit. 

There was a knock at the door, startling everyone. Steve and Bucky naturally snapped into combat mode, looking tense and edgy. Assa was quick to take hold of Bucky’s hand.   
“I’ll go,” Clint replied, sounding unsure himself. 

“You’d best get upstairs Buck,” Steve said, nodding to the stairs. “You too Assa, just in case, they probably have your name in the files,” 

“Sorry, I’m early,” A voice called out before Clint could open the door. “It’s Claire, here for Sergeant Barnes,” 

Steve visibly relaxed but Bucky still stayed somewhat tense as he slid back into his seat. Clint opened the door and Claire walked in. Her brown hair was tied into a neat ponytail and she was dressed in a neatly pressed grey jacket and matching pencil skirt. On her feet were some black stiletto heels.   
“Dressed for the country I see?” Clint offered her a wink. 

“I like to look good when I meet my clients for the first time,” Claire replied, smiling. “May I come in?”

“Oh shit, yeah,” Clint stood aside and she walked into the farmhouse. “Sorry, we were kind of at action stations here in case you were Hydra. Anyways, take a seat at the table, help yourself to anything on the table you’d like,”   
Claire nodded her thanks and took a seat at the kitchen table, Steve hurried to pour her a cup of coffee, knocking over the maple syrup bottle in his haste. Bucky rolled his eyes and righted it, shaking his head.   
“Oh I didn’t even ask you if you wanted coffee,” Steve said, looking embarrassed. “Maybe you prefer tea?” 

“Coffee’s good,” Claire extended a slim hand with perfectly manicured nails. “Pleased to meet you in person Captain,” 

“Call me Steve,” Steve replied, handing her the cup of coffee. “And I really want to say thanks for doing this for us,” 

“Oh it’s my pleasure Steve,” Claire said, offering him a ravishing smile. Steve grinned back a little awkwardly. Claire was carrying a black leather document holder, she placed it down on the table and pulled out her file. “And it’s good to meet you too Sergeant Barnes,” 

“Call me Bucky,” Bucky replied. 

“Ok Bucky,” Claire nodded at him and consulted her file. “So the government is looking to charge you with counts of murder, treason and other crimes against humanity. It’s a long list and to be honest they’d probably most likely seek a death sentence or, at the very least life imprisonment,” 

“Doesn’t surprise me,” Bucky replied grimly. It was on the tip of his tongue to say that it was no less than he deserved but he knew Assa wouldn’t let that one fly. 

“So after consulting with Maria Hill, I’m going to try my damnedest to get the judge to see you as the victim. We’ll need some medical proof of any mental health conditions you have so we may need to get you evaluated by an approved doctor but that shouldn’t be an issue. I’m not going to lie, it’s going to be an uphill struggle and some aspects are going to be hard to prove but I’m determined that we get the right result for you,” Claire explained, all the while scribbling notes in her file. 

“We were hoping that because Buck’s already been doing some therapeutic work with Assa here we can argue that he doesn’t need to be kept in some facility,” Steve replied. 

“I remember you mentioning that,” Claire replied with a nod. “That’s certainly the best outcome although I’ll be frank, it’s not a likely one. If we’re successful in proving that Bucky was a victim and one of the longest serving prisoners of war, they’re going to want to assess his mental state and will most likely want to admit him to a psychiatric facility for the duration of that time,” 

“I guess that makes sense,” Bucky muttered, keeping his expression neutral. Assa didn’t react at all, merely sitting back in her chair looking deep in thought, almost as if she were conducting an internal argument with herself. 

 

“I think the best scenario is one where we bring Bucky in to the authorities. I can negotiate the surrender, make sure you are treated fairly and that the Geneva convention is followed.” Her whole speech was aimed at Bucky. Silently he nodded. 

“Ok. Do it.” He said finding Assa’s hand and squeezing it tight.


	13. Chapter 13

Bucky felt calm, centered, the decision had been made and now all he had to do was wait. Steve had tried to argue, saying they could wait for the demands, they didn’t need to bring him in, that no one knew Bucky was state side and they could use that to their advantage, but Bucky was sick of running, and if this could give him a leg up then he needed all the help he could get. 

Assa had been silent all day, simply there for him to lean on, reach for when he needed it. She seemed far away, deep in thought, completely cut off from him and what was going on. 

After talking for hours with Claire about what to expect next, how the negotiations would work Bucky needed a break. Claire and Steve had already gone outside, Steve walking her to her car, being the gentleman that he had always been. Bucky liked seeing him like this, blushing and awkward the best part was how much blushing Claire was doing in response. Steve needed someone in his life. He deserved the chance. 

Bucky and Assa found themselves outside, far from the farmhouse, walking aimlessly in silence.He held her hand in his metal one, felt her warmth and her softness, something he wouldn’t feel for awhile wherever it was that they would be sending him. He stopped, pulling her to him, his other hand finding her face, he kissed her, hard, felt her give in, felt her tremble, he knew he was crossing a line, but he didn’t care; He needed this, needed her. He felt tears on his cheeks and ignored them, kissing her harder, wanting more. This was not just some fun and flirting, he was hurting without her, and that realization made him break. 

“I love you.” He whispered between kisses, “I love you and I will never forget you again.” He felt her falter, hesitate but it lasted half a second. 

“Bucky,” His name on her lips was heaven. “I need you.” She was crying now. “I need you so much.” He looked at her, not sure about what she meant. His eyebrows raised in confusion. He felt her back away, saw her reach around her neck and unclasp her chain, her fingers found the rings, slipping one on her ring finger she held the other one up for him. “Please,” He heard her whisper. “I can’t live without you, not again.” 

Taking the little silver ring from her he worked it on his flesh hand, it felt cool, soft, like it was moulded perfectly to his finger. Looking at her he saw the tears, her eyes lowered, the chain had been dropped on the ground, somewhere, hooking his fingers under her chin he made her look at him, made her really look at him before kissing her again. By accepting and wearing that ring, he was making it, them, official. He would not back down, not walk away, not forget or betray her. He would be forever hers.

“I love you Assa.” he worded the words slowly, making sure she understood them, their meaning, what it took for him to say them, to accept the ring, to wear it. 

“And I love you, Bucky.” She let herself lean into him, her ear against his heart, it’s beat reassuring her.   
“I won’t be gone long, maybe a few weeks, you’ve been through worse, Sweetheart.” He ran his fingers through her hair feeling the telltale signs of crying ebbed, heard her sniffle a few times before she looked up at him again. “I’m leaving tomorrow, Assa,” He said softly. “ We still have tonight.” He looked at her and winked, knowing it would elicit a smile. “One more day ‘til I ship out,” He joked. 

They walked back to the farmhouse hand in hand, Clint had literally rang the dinner bell, a cow bell hanging from the the side of the back door. They came in last, Bucky ushering Assa in front of him, pulling a chair out for her and sitting next to her, across from Steve, his hand still holding hers.

Earlier, Clint had asked Bucky what he’d like as his ‘last meal’. Steve had given him the full Captain America glare or ‘Ameriglare’ as Clint called it but Bucky had just laughed and decided on hot dogs. He and Steve had always loved the hot dogs at Coney Island whenever they’d been able to afford them so it seemed fitting somehow. Clint had given him a quick salute and headed into the nearest village to buy the supplies. 

The kitchen table was laid out with everything Bucky could’ve imagined for hot dogs. There were buns and weiners of course, but Clint had also purchased various sauces and relishes. There were onions, pickles, chilli, cheese, jalapenos...the list went on.   
“Thought we should send you out in style,” Clint said, producing another bottle of vodka with a flourish. He’d tied an old apron around his waist, and was putting on a very dodgy sounding prohibition era bartender’s accent. “What can I get ya?” 

“Vodka, straight up, no ice,” Bucky replied, playing along. Assa giggled and started to help herself to the food. She’d never had hot dogs before so it was an interesting experience. Steve however, didn’t look overly impressed by the spread or Clint and Bucky’s joking tones. “Why the long face Stevie?” 

“Seriously Buck?” Steve said. He hadn’t touched any of the hot dogs and was sipping from a bottle of beer moodily. “You’re going to prison tomorrow and I’m meant to celebrate that? Nobody knew you were here, we could’ve had more time. You could’ve continued to lay low while Claire sorted out the negotiations.” 

“It’ll help my case Stevie,” Bucky explained, dropping the jesting tone immediately. “How would it look if I knew the government wanted me arrested and I continued to evade them?” 

“It’d look like you had something to hide,” Steve conceded. He still didn’t look very happy about it. He sighed heavily. “It’s just...well, I feel like I’m only just starting to get you back and now you have to go away again,” 

“I get that,” Bucky leant forward and squeezed his shoulder. “But it’s not forever right? Claire’s a kick ass lawyer and she’s gonna get the result we want,” He offered Steve a grin and put a hot dog on his plate. “So get that down ya neck and stop being a party pooper! I’ll be back and annoyin’ the shit outta you before ya know it,” 

She had left Both Steve and Bucky to talk, had kissed Bucky goodnight and headed up, Assa needed to think. Where Bucky was showing complete faith in Claire, Assa didn’t feel so confident; Most people around the world already had their minds made up about The Winter Soldier, why would it be any different for Government Officials?

Sitting on her bed she focused, tried to ease her mind, what could she do? It was out of her hands. As much as she preached leaving control and giving in to the moment, right now she was unable to do so. In fact, every bone in her body pushed her to lash out, fight, do something, anything….. Save HIM. 

There was a light knock on her bedroom door. A moment later, Steve slipped inside. Wordlessly he sat down in the chair underneath the window and sighed heavily. Assa noted that his face looked red and puffy, almost as if he’d been crying. She didn’t want to question him about it, knowing how much it must’ve taken for ‘Captain America’ to let a virtual stranger see him so vulnerable.   
“Tell me you don’t agree with this,” Steve said sadly. 

She struggled with the questions. Shaking her head she focused to find her words. 

“Yes,” she said lightly, “and No.” Taking a deep breath she leaned towards him and took his hands in hers, wanting to comfort him. “I think he and Claire are right, this will give him a leg up, it will show good will and will give less ammunition to the ones wanting to burn him at the stake.” She paused, taking another breath, focusing again. “But, I don’t think it will be quite as easy and as painlessly as they might think it will be.” She squeezed his hands. “I think we might lose him for a while, and that terrifies me.” 

“It terrifies me too...I mean, we’ve both been there. We both know how hard it is,” Steve took a shaky breath, trying to concentrate on her comforting vibes. “I told a good friend not so long ago that even when I had nothing, I had Bucky. We were so close, best buds you know? I told him everything and he was there through every sickness I ever had growing up. When he went away with the Army I felt like my whole world had ended. Then when Colonel Phillips told me he was dead...I just didn’t think, I didn’t want to believe it. Bucky, my Bucky, couldn’t be dead. So I went after him, right into enemy territory and, just as I thought, he was there. You probably know this part but they experimented on him. He was...never quite the same after. We fought alongside each other but he was...different. Quieter. He started having these nightmares in his bunk at night. He always denied it in the morning but I knew something inside him had changed…” Steve used his free hand to wipe at his eyes, he really didn’t want to start crying again. Not in front of Assa. “And then...he fell off the train,” He paused again, taking another shaky breath. “And as I watched him fall, I knew that I’d lost him for real this time. There was no denying it. Nobody could survive that fall...I tried to go on, I really did. I thought maybe if I defeated Hydra, defeated Schmidt, that it would somehow make it feel like it had all been worth it. Only it didn’t. The world was a lot safer but my world, as it was, no longer existed. Even the love of a woman, Peggy, didn’t seem to matter any more.” 

“So you went down with your plane,” Assa said, remembering what she’d heard from the German soldiers after Schmidt’s disappearance.  
“Yeah I did,” Steve nodded, smiling humorlessly. 

“I need to thank you for that, Had it not been for you killing him, I would have never met my Soldier.” She smiled sadly. 

“Well glad my idiocy helped bring you guys together,” Steve smiled slightly and then continued. “I was brought out of the ice and I had to get used to this whole new world and I guess the distraction helped. I met people, made new friends, found a new purpose in the Avengers. Then the whole Winter Soldier business happened.” Steve shook his head. “Sorry, I’m rambling...like I said at the dinner table, it feels like I just got him back and now they’re taking him away again. I know it’s selfish and I know what he’s doing is the best thing for him but I can’t help the way I feel,”

“This is his first REAL decision in over seventy years. He was brainwashed, treated as a subhuman, tortured,” Assa stood up, he had never seen her so angry. “They did things to him….. , “ She shook her head, clearing her mind. “This is HIS decision, and WE cannot take this away from him, no matter how we feel about it; This is not about US.” She said calmly. “It’s his right, his choice.” Sitting down again her hands went to her neck, but the chain was gone, in stead her fingers went to find the ring and fiddled with it on her ring finger. “We have to let him do this.” She said finally. 

“I have an offer, that’s actually why I came up here,” Steve replied. “We’re going to need to be back in the city for the trial and to see Claire regularly. I don’t like the idea of you being in a hotel so I was wondering if you’d like to take my spare room? My apartment’s quiet. The decor isn’t up to date of course but it’s home,” 

“I think it’s better if I don’t,” SHe answered quickly, “ There are things that I need to do that require….. Well….. It would be better if you didn’t know Steve.” She said patting his forearm. “Some things are better left that way.”

“If you’re sure,” Steve said. “I mean, I’ve seen aliens drop out of the sky,” He joked with a shrug. He leant in a bit closer, almost as if he was afraid of being overheard. “I’m also the Captain of terrible ideas when it comes to my best friend so...you know...whatever it is you’re thinking of doing. I’ll support you anyway you need it,” 

She smiled at him, something not quite sad.

The door opened, cutting their discussion short, Bucky leant against the doorframe. He looked a little tipsy, swaying ever so slightly on the spot. 

“What’s going here?” He asked slowly, as if he had to think about the right words. Looking from Steve to Assa questioningly. 

Steve got up, smiling.   
“Last night before you ship out Sergeant Barnes?” Bucky offered him a wobbly salute. “Then I’ll leave you guys to...talk.” He nodded at Assa and Bucky and left the room, making sure to close the door behind him. 

“Well that was weird,” Bucky said staring after Steve. Looking back at Assa he seemed to clear his head, his demeanor became steadier and his eyes brighter. 

“He feels like he’s losing you again.” She said plainly. “So do I actually.” She got up from the bed and leaned into him, his arms folding around her. 

“Let’s not talk about it tonight.” He whispered, “ In fact, let’s not talk at all.” He added with a wink. “I just want to forget about the whole world tonight.”

She kissed him first this time, her hands finding his nape and dragging into his hair, she heard him growl and smiled. They kissed like that for a bit, each trying to gain control but ultimately it was he that gained the upper hand. 

Her feet were swept away from under her and she found herself in his arms, securely tucked in against his chest, his lips still on hers, demanding, more so than usual. He brought her to bed, laying her down softly, following through, his heavy body over hers, trapping her beneath him. 

His metal arm made its way down her side, slowly, making her shiver, and his flesh hand held her wrist above her head, he liked her like that, submissive, willing. Assa bit at his lip before kissing him again, leaving a drop of blood on his lower lip. Growling more he pinned her harder before making his way down her body, ripping material as he went. He simply didn’t care. 

She responded so well, her panting and moaning pushing him on, and when she called out his name, it was the sweetest sound he had ever heard. Working his way down he kissed every bit of skin he could find, nipped when he could, licked, until he had her mewling and screaming his name. Smiling to himself he went on, not stopping until she was well spent, his tongue full of her taste, his fingers slick, kissing his way back to her lips he quickly got himself naked, throwing his pieces of clothes here and there not caring where they would land. 

He kissed her roughly as he claimed his prize, making her groan, her eyes rolling up and her neck stretching back, he bit her, hard enough to leave a mark but didn’t care, his nails digging in her thigh, his metal hand holding her tightly in place. He worked her raw, over and over, hearing his name from her lips, her groans her moans, it was all for him. He pushed her, wore her down all night, worked his emotions out on her, his needs, his fears, they all came out in this one night with her; Until finally, he let her sleep, worn out himself he pulled her against him, holding her tight and went to sleep, the smell of their bodies together filling his nostrils, the marks he had left on her making him possessive of this slight sleeping form next to him.


	14. Chapter 14

“Don’t say anything without me there,” Claire said for the fourth time, “I managed to get you leave to keep your wedding ring, but don’t be surprised if they try and take it from you.” She was walking beside him, a foot between them, eight guards flanked Bucky; they had arrived by helicopter. A bleak looking facility had loomed before they landed on an indoor helipad, the ceiling closing up over them, somewhere in the middle of the ocean. They had put him in shackles, his wrists loosely tied to his ankles, every one of his steps making an insane amount of noise in the silent facility. None of the guards had said a word but they’d all shared a similar look of contempt when Bucky had stepped off the helicopter. 

They stopped, a door buzzing open. Three of the guards were required to swipe cards near the door. There would be no escaping from this place. Security was obviously a high priority. 

“This is as far as I can go,” Claire said “But I’ll be there tomorrow, I’ll bring Steve and your wife.” She said looking him straight in the eyes. “We will meet the judge at the courthouse to arraign you in the morning.” He saw her move forward to hug him, but she stopped herself, the guards were on edge. He nodded, trying to seem comfortable with what was going on, though every part of his body screamed to get away. 

 

“It’s ok Claire, I’ll be ok,” He said trying to seem nonchalant, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” The front guards moved on and he followed, the buzzing stopping once the heavy metal door was locked behind him and his guards. 

He was lead to a cell, something small and quite clinical, all white, with a cot against one wall, a toilet and sink in a corner, bars on one wall, so thick there was no hope in him ever bending one. He turned around and let the guards unshackle him, the handcuffs coming off only once the door was closed and locked. He fitted his hands through the food slot and let them take them off. 

Rubbing the stiffness from his flesh wrist he sat on the cot, this was it, this was what he should be expecting for the rest of his life. Sighing he looked around the tiny room once again, it was all he deserved, really. He laid down, closing his eyes he focused his mind on the knowledge that the next day he would be seeing Steve and Assa, that maybe he would get a break, get out on his own recognisance, highly unlikely, but still, one could hope. He wanted to distract himself from the dark thoughts that threatened to enter his mind. It would be so easy to use his metal arm to end it all but then, what about Assa? What about Steve? No. He couldn’t do that to them. Not when they’d both just gotten him back. No matter how hard it was, how isolating this place was going to be, he needed to stay strong and trust Claire to get the best results. 

 

After a few more tries and some arguing, Steve had finally managed to make Assa accept his invitation to stay at his apartment. It was nice not being alone at home after all that had happened. Coming home without Bucky was a hard blow, but knowing that at least he wasn’t alone made it bearable. Getting Assa’s room prepared, making sure she had clean sheets and enough towels gave him something to do. It hadn’t been confirmed to him but he was pretty certain the only facility that would hold Bucky, in the eyes of the government at least, would be the facility his team had been sent to during the Sokovian Accords business. He hated to think of Bucky contained within one of those tiny rooms. He’d spent enough of his life being contained. He deserved to be free, to live his life, to figure out who he was now and what he wanted to do. 

 

Later that night after a simple dinner of pork and beans with Assa, Steve lay in bed, the lights off, his window opened, the sounds from the city like a lullaby. As was usually the case these days, he found he wasn’t able to sleep. He couldn’t hear anything from the room next door, maybe Assa had managed to give in to slumber. He certainly hoped so. Saying goodbye to Bucky had been hard on her and she’d been very quiet since. She’d barely spoken over dinner and had eaten a minimal portion before excusing herself to her room. 

He got up, making his way to the kitchen and was surprised by the light on above the stove, he could smell a slight whiff of tea, Assa was sitting at the table, her hair loose, in a simple T-shirt. He poured himself a cup as well, taking his time, he wasn’t prepared to socialize, not now. Sitting down across from his guest he tried to smile, but it didn’t feel genuine.   
He saw her hand come up to her throat before settling on her ring finger and fiddle with the silver band present there. 

“Claire said we would be welcome for the arraignment.” He said not knowing what else to say. He saw her nod, but not look away from her cup. “Who knows, maybe the judge will let him go home till the trial.” He added, trying to sound positive but only sounding bland. “ We might have him with us in time for supper.” Assa looked up at him then, her face stern. Her eyes were blank and her expression was nothing if not brooding. She was obviously about as convinced as he was with his words. 

“ Steve, I don’t think Bucky is coming home tomorrow, or anytime in his lifetime.” She said sounding grave. “Not without a push, anyways.” Her eyes went back to her cup. 

“What do you mean?” He looked at her, there was something there, she was hiding something. “What do you mean Not without a push?” He asked again. Assa looked away, went to get up but was stopped by his strong hand over hers. “Assa, if you’re planning something….. I gotta know. Maybe I can do something to help. Hell, I want to help,”

Assa looked at him then, her eyes pleading. She plucked his hand away from hers gently, patting it before walking away.

“Don’t ask me Steve, just trust that there are still some avenues open to me.” He saw her slump her shoulders. “I need to think, need to figure things out.” She added, uncertain. 

“Try and sleep Assa, it might help.” Steve didn’t know what to say, these bland sentences seemed less than she deserved. But what was there to really say in this situation? Any optimistic outcome or promises would just sound empty. He sighed at the injustice of it all. Hadn’t everyone been through enough?

Dawn came quickly, sleep, not at all. Steve and Assa had spent the rest of the night in the living room, sitting silently, no words could describe what either of them felt, or thought. Slowly they got ready for the day ahead. There was coffee and breakfast, both prepared by Steve and served with a smile, then a shower with less pressure than Assa had hoped for, the pipes shaking as she enjoyed her not quite hot enough shower. She dressed in what she considered “normal” clothes, grey pencil skirt and a white shirt, a light blue leather jacket and matching stilettos to finish the look, all thanks to Claire; not what Assa was used to, but she would manage. 

The downstairs door buzzed and Steve knocked at her bedroom door. He looked her over a few times before smiling and blushing.

“Time to go,” He said turning serious again, “The car is waiting.” 

 

Claire sat in the backseat of the SUV, looking through her papers. She had read them all, knew all there was to know about the case, but still she was nervous, a man’s life depended on her. The car door opened and Assa took a seat next to her, then Steve, sitting across from her. She smiled lightly, hoping she wasn’t blushing. Though she loved the feeling he brought to her, she didn’t want him or anyone else to think her unprofessional. 

 

“Morning Steve,” She said trying to sound terse. “I presume you both had a rough night.” Looking from Assa to Steve she noticed the dark circles under their eyes. Assa shook her head, Steve shrugged, neither for up for much conversation. “Well today is just Bucky’s chance to enter his plea so it should be over relatively quickly.” 

“What have you advised him to plead?” Steve asked, tugging at the collar of his shirt where it was rubbing the back of his neck. The last time he’d worn this suit was at Peggy’s funeral and he was trying his best not to think about that.   
“We’ve agreed he’ll plead not guilty on all charges,” Claire replied, trying to focus on the papers and not how handsome Steve looked in his suit. “Bucky’s a victim in all of this and that is the angle we’re taking so entering a not guilty plea supports that,” 

“Do you think the judge will let him on his own recognisance ?” Steve asked. It was hard not to be overwhelmed by this woman. Not only was she beautiful, but she also had a quick wit and was obviously very intelligent. Despite the grim circumstances in which they’d met, Steve was going to have to ask Pepper where she’d been hiding Claire all this time. 

“I’ll be honest with you Steve, it’s very doubtful,” Claire answered honestly. “Even though we’re stressing that Bucky is a victim, the judge will most likely want him to remain incarcerated until the trial simply because they’ll see him as a danger to others and a flight risk.” 

“But he’s not!” Steve protested, feeling anger bubbling up. “He needs to be somewhere he can call home, surrounded by people who love and support him,” He glanced over at Assa but she was staring out of the car window, deep in thought.   
“I know,” Claire replied soothingly. “But I don’t think that the judge is going to see it that way unfortunately,” She shuffled through more papers. “Assa? sorry if I’ve pronounced that wrong. If you don’t mind while we’ve got a journey ahead of us, I’d like to ask you how you came to be in Bucky’s life? if I know some of your background and relationship to Bucky it’s going to make it a lot easier to convince the judge and jury that he’s got a good support system in place,” 

Assa looked at the woman, not quite sure what was expected of her. 

“ You think that hearing that I met him while working for Hydra will help his cause ?” She asked incredulous.

“Oh,” Claire tried hard not to look as taken aback as she felt. But then, she didn’t make it where she was today by not being shrewd. “Actually yes,” She nodded to herself and scribbled something down on the papers. “You could act as a witness to what he was put through,” 

“I’m the one that was tasked to set the triggers in place, I made him what he became. If anything, I should be the one in that prison.” 

“No,” Steve said firmly. “That’s not true Assa, you didn’t have a choice. Just like Bucky,” 

 

“I know Steve,” She shook her head. “Claire, I will do what you need me to do to help Bucky. Just tell me what you need.” 

“Perfect,” Claire replied with a smile. She could feel Steve’s eyes on her. It wasn’t a wholly unpleasant feeling. In fact, it was quite flattering to think that Captain America himself was looking at her in that way. She shook her head, pushing that thought aside as he focused on the task at hand. “I might need to have you prepare a witness statement and once it goes to trial you’ll most likely need to take the stand and be cross-examined,” 

Assa nodded, she understood. 

“Anything else you might need from me ?” She asked softly. Claire quickly consulted her notes.

“Yes although it’s not a very pleasant question so I do apologise,” She flicked through a couple of sheets. “Steve tells me you’ve been working with Bucky in a mental health capacity. At some point it’s going to be asked what your credentials in that field are, how qualified you are to perform therapeutic sessions with him,” 

“I don’t think the credentials I hold are such that would be accepted by the court.” She said with a slight smile. 

Claire smiled back at her, much to Assa’s surprise. She leant forward in her seat and lowered her voice. They didn’t know the driver of the SUV, he was just hired help and Claire didn’t want to put Assa at risk in any way.   
“Excuse me for using the word but you’re a mutant aren’t you?” She said in a whisper. “I’m very much an advocate for mutant rights,” 

Assa shook her head. 

“No Claire, Not a mutant.” She said in a whisper. “ My mother is from Asgard.” She paused, letting the information sink in. 

“May I ask how you came to be working for Hydra? were you taken by force?” Claire asked gently. 

“Yes, I was kidnapped and taken from the cloister where I lived and worked. I was told that from that day I was a Hydra asset.” 

Steve watched the two women talking and found it hard to contain himself. As the journey went on he could feel his anger rising. Bucky always used to tease him that he always stuck up for what was right and never before had Steve been so convinced that what he was fighting for was right. It pained him to hear that Assa too had been a victim of Hydra. He’d gotten quite close to her in the short time he’d known her and the thought of her suffering, being ripped from her home to serve them, made him sick to his stomach. He felt the calming vibration coming from his friend and let himself relax, getting angry now wouldn’t solve anything. 

The car came to a sudden stop.  
“We’re at the courthouse,” The driver called out. Claire nodded and thanked him and they exited the vehicle, Steve taking great pains to get out first and hold the door open for the women. The courthouse building loomed in front of them. A large, bleak, brick building that had the air of an official building and was equally as imposing. Steve swallowed hard as Claire confidently walked up the stairs to the front door. 

He and Assa followed her, feeling a little bewildered. Neither had had the experience of being in a court building before and both were unsure of what to expect. In his head, Steve saw a large court room with a very official judge in full robes with a gavel, ready to pass judgement on Bucky. He found himself reaching for Assa’s hand and gripping it tight not sure of whether it was for his comfort or hers. 

Claire chatted to the clerk behind the desk with ease. She was obviously a familiar face at the court as Steve heard the clerk asking a couple of personal questions. He took the opportunity to watch her as she chatted away. She really did have a beautiful smile. He drank in the little personality quirks she displayed, her confident stance, the way she tilted her head to one side as she listened to the clerk and the way she would occasionally fiddle with the end of her smooth, sleek ponytail. Her poise and her confidence reminded him a lot of Nat. He could see the two women getting along, that’s if they hadn’t already met. He could also see Nat approving should he ask Claire to maybe go for a drink somewhere…

“Ok, we’re in consultation room C,” Claire pulled Steve out of his thoughts as she approached him, her stilettos clacking on the polished marble flooring. “It’s just this way,” 

“Is it always this eerily quiet?” Steve asked as he followed Claire who obviously knew the way. Assa trailed along behind them, still obviously thinking deeply. He was thinking of the courtroom dramas he’d occasionally seen whilst channel surfing, with people shouting and cameras flashing.   
“They’re actually running on a skeleton staff today,” Claire explained. “They thought Bucky’s case was too high risk to have other people around,” She added grimly. “It’s mostly for his own protection. They didn’t want to risk any vigilante action,” 

Steve could understand this. He hadn’t mentioned it to anyone, not even Nat, but he’d secretly used Clint’s laptop to search the internet to find out what people were saying about Bucky. Mostly it didn’t make for very pleasant reading. There was lots of news websites with forums where people spewed their anonymous hate for the Winter Soldier, saying that he should be put to death for the murders. There were a handful of people that were supportive, seeing Bucky as a prisoner of war, but they were few and far between. Steve had shut off the laptop after an hour or so, not wanting to face the fact that getting the public and a judge to see that Bucky was the innocent party, would be very much an uphill struggle. 

They arrived at their destination and Claire knocked a couple of times on the door before opening it. The room was nowhere near as grand as the entrance. It was minimally furnished with a dark green carpet and a large mahogany table. On the left hand side of this table sat two men. Steve presumed that they were the lawyers acting on behalf of the government. Claire graciously shook hands with them both before sitting down opposite, Steve and Assa following suit. After a few moments of awkward silence between everyone, the door opened once more and a man walked in in a dark suit, carrying a file folder. He was followed by another man in navy blue pants and a matching shirt. There was a tag attached to the pocket of the shirt which read ‘Bailiff’. The man in the dark suit sat down at the head of the table, presumably he was the judge.   
“We’re waiting on Sergeant Barnes?” He asked in a very official sounding voice. The bailiff nodded and consulted his watch. 

“He should be arriving with his escort in a few minutes,” He replied. The judge nodded and greeted the two lawyers and Claire with a curt nod. He was an old man with tufts of white hair and black horn rimmed glasses. He had a continually stern expression. He reminded Steve of Colonel Phillips.   
The door opened a final time two minutes later and Bucky was led into the room surrounded by eight guards. He looked tired and was wearing the prison scrubs that Steve remembered Clint and everyone wearing when he’d arrived to break them out. There were restraints around his wrists and those were attached to a chain around his waist. Steve felt sick as he noted that all eight guards were armed with guns and tasers. Bucky didn’t look at him as the guards sat him down at the other end of the table. He did however glance at Assa who let out a barely audible sound of distress. He watched as Bucky offered her a stoic smile that seemed to say ‘I’m ok, really’. 

Walking in the room his eyes had first found Steve, his rock, the person he had always depended on ever since they’d been kids. He tried to meet his gaze but Steve was looking at Claire, obviously smitten. Spotting Assa, he smiled, trying to let her know he was OK, an immediate feeling of comfort and safety enveloped him and the plain smile he had given her change to something genuine. He was not alone. 

“Now that we’re all present, we can begin. My name is Judge Matthews and I’ve been assigned to preside over the case of United States vs Barnes, case number 120F. Sergeant Barnes you have been charged with multiple counts of murder, treason and acts of terrorism against The State. Do you understand these charges?” 

“Yes,” Bucky replied. His voice sounded hoarse. Steve wondered if he’d been crying. Not that Bucky would ever admit it if he had.   
“And I see that you already have a lawyer so you are fully understanding that this is your right?” 

“Yes,” Bucky repeated. 

“And how do you intend to plead to these charges?” Judge Matthews asked sternly. 

“Not guilty,” Bucky answered. He didn’t sound wholly confident. Steve ached to reach out and give him a hug but even with his limited knowledge of the legal system, he knew this probably wouldn’t be allowed.   
“Ok, that has been noted. Thank you Sergeant Barnes,” Judge Matthews replied. The two government lawyers were frantically typing away on their slick looking laptops. Steve found himself automatically hating them for whatever lies they were almost certainly typing. “Given the nature of the crimes you are accused of, I feel that I cannot release you under your own recognizance,” The judge continued, looking grave. “At this time I consider you a threat to the public so it is my recommendation that you remain imprisoned until your trial,”


	15. Chapter 15

After the disastrous outcome of the arraignment, there was only one place Steve wanted to be. Aside from his apartment, the Avengers Compound was the closest thing that felt like a home and right now he needed to be there and amongst friends. Claire had departed after the arraignment, shaking his hand formally and reassuring him that she was going to put her all into this case. Assa had wanted to return to his apartment. Steve was concerned by how detached she was. He’d fully expected her to be upset but she remained stoic, calmly saying that she needed some time to herself and that she would speak to him later. She was obviously planning something and it gave Steve an uneasy feeling. 

Left alone, he’d headed straight for the Avengers Compound and was now sitting in its plush kitchen. Sam was grabbing a couple of beers from the fridge. He’d recently moved into the compound, turning his old apartment into a halfway house for troubled teens. He still did a few shifts at the VA as he didn’t want to break the trust he’d built up with his group but most of the time he was in the kitchen planning the latest upgrades to his Falcon suit and trying to work out a way to get Redwing to ‘talk’.   
“So, you wanna talk about this?” He asked, putting the two bottles down on the kitchen table and taking a seat. “Cos I’m here man,” 

“Not really,” Steve replied with a heavy sigh. What was there to say? By now Bucky would be back at the prison and he was limited to visitors. Steve had graciously agreed to give Assa the lion’s share of the visits but that didn’t mean he was happy about it. Sam was watching him with a searching look. He opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by Tony breezing into the kitchen. He was dressed in his usual jeans and band t-shirt and had smears of oil on his face.   
“Hey Cap,” He greeted as he made a beeline for the coffee machine. Things were still a little awkward between him and Tony. After what had happened, they weren’t really sure how to talk to each other anymore. The one thing that they had wordlessly agreed on was not to talk about the Accords. “Birdman,” He added nodding at Sam who rolled his eyes. 

“I thought you told Pepper you weren’t working on any more new suits,” Sam replied with a raised eyebrow.   
“And therein lies my genius,” Tony answered. “Because what I’m working on isn’t a suit. It’s a protective system for the body,” He winked at Sam who shook his head in disdain. He poured himself an unhealthily large mug of coffee and turned to leave. “While I would love to stop and chat with you ladies who lunch, my creativity is just screaming for its output,” He added as he left the kitchen. 

“Remind me why I chose to live in the same building as him?” Sam asked, turning to Steve who couldn’t help but chuckle. 

 

On the ride back Bucky tried not to think about where they were bringing him, instead he focussed on Assa, it was the first time he had seen her in regular city clothes, and he liked it. Those heels making her legs look even longer, the cut of the skirt, just long enough to make him wish it were shorter, he smiled to himself. The effect she had on him was unbelievable, she could make a world renowned assassin googly eyes just by wearing heels and a skirt. He shook his head and smiled again. Picturing her in that skirt would give him more than a few night’s fantasies. Trying to wipe his hands over his face he was stopped by the length of the chain, he was tied like an animal, would be put in a cage again , like an animal, maybe for the rest of his life, and right now, at this precise moment he couldn’t care less. All that truly mattered to him was that he was supported by people that believed in him and loved him, as he was. 

 

The man at the front desk looked at her credentials before nodded her off towards the elevators. Claire thanked him and headed up, this wasn’t something she usually did, show up at a man’s home, but after the day he’d had, Claire just wanted to be sure Steve was ok. She had first called Steve’s home phone, but Assa had let her know that he was staying at the compound for the night. Knowing that, Claire had simply headed out. She was no stranger to the compound. 

The elevator dinged and the door slid open showing Steve standing there waiting for her, feet squared, hands together in front of him. His eyebrows raised when he noticed her empty hands. Stepping aside he ushered her in.

“It’s a surprise to see you tonight, Claire.” He said with a smile, hoping this was a social visit. She seemed slightly embarrassed, her cheeks brighter than usual. 

“I didn’t mean to intrude,” She said quickly, “I just wanted to be sure you were ok. It was a rough day for you. I wish it could have gone better.” Steve smiled at her, a genuine smile, he liked her, alot, and maybe this impromptu visit meant that she liked him too. He could feel that awkwardness again, that worry at the back of his mind that he’d say or do something to mess it up. Sometimes he still felt like that skinny kid from Brooklyn, the one who would receive a disgusted look just for offering a girl a peanut from his bag.

“It’s fine, Claire, would you like some tea, or coffee?” He asked showing her to the communal kitchen. He took two mugs out of the dishwasher and waited for her cue. There was a plate of Vision’s homemade cookies on the counter but Steve thought better of it. While he didn’t consider himself an expert with women, poisoning them probably wasn’t the way to go. 

“Coffee please,” She said softly, “unless you have some wine.” His eyebrows shot up again and he grinned like a teenager. 

“Wine it is.” He said putting the cups away and finding wine glasses instead. Rummaging through the cupboards he found a bottle of red wine, opened it and, holding both glasses and the opened bottle of wine, ushered Claire to the balcony where they could have a bit of privacy. 

Claire accepted a glass, sitting down on one of the chairs overseeing a large grassy area. 

“It’s very pretty out here, quiet,” She said looking out away from the compound, “I always love to come here, gets you away from it you know?”

“Oh, you’ve been here before?” Steve enquired. He caught a whiff of Claire’s perfume. It smelt of vanilla and musk.   
“Plenty of times,” Claire replied with a smile. “Pepper likes to throw dinner parties and she also needs someone to rant to about Tony,” She continued with a laugh. “So this place is home for you?”

“About as close as it gets,” Steve answered. “I’ve got an apartment back in Brooklyn. Just couldn’t leave it behind fully,” He smiled. “But here feels like home too, it can get lonely at my place sometimes,” 

“I know what you mean,” Claire said wistfully, swirling the wine in her glass. “I live alone too,”

“You don’t have a boyfriend?” Steve blurted it out. Claire giggled. “Sorry, I’m terrible at talking to women, even now,” 

“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Claire replied with a wink. Steve blushed. He was really starting to like her. She reminded him a lot of Peggy. He wondered if she liked to dance. Did people even do that anymore? He’d spent so long fighting as Captain America that he hadn’t really kept up to date with what people did on dates now. “You know, my older sister used to have your poster on her wall, I’d always look at it, it’s kind of strange to see you sitting here right now,”

“I’m just a normal guy really,” Steve said with a shrug. “About as normal as a hundred year old German lab rat who’s fought off aliens can be,” He added with a laugh. “If I’m honest I’ve always wanted the simple life, nice home, nice garden, the right woman,” He looked at her shyly and she smiled. “I’m really glad you came by tonight, I needed it,” 

“It’s my pleasure,” Claire replied. “I’m happy to do it any time,” 

“Then maybe...you’d like to come back tomorrow night for dinner?” Steve ventured. “I’m no great shakes at cooking but I can put together a mean chicken pot pie,” He cursed internally. Claire seemed like a modern, metropolitan woman of the world. She was probably used to all kinds of fine dining and here he was offering her something as basic and boring as chicken pot pie. If Bucky were here right now he’d probably be calling him a mook.   
“That sounds perfect,” Claire beamed at him. “I can’t remember the last time I had some good home cooked food,” She drained her glass. “I’m looking forward to it,” 

 

Bucky grimaced as he lifted the lid off the foil tray that had just been silently pushed through the door to his cell. He supposed, at one point, whatever was on it had been meat but it had long since resembled anything like it. Next to it was some overcooked rice and a few limp looking green beans. It made him long for the food back at Clint’s place. He wondered what Assa was eating tonight. He already missed her deeply. More than he would’ve ever thought possible. He wondered how he was going to survive if he was sentenced to life in this squalid hell hole. He shoved the terrible food to one side and stared down at his wedding ring.   
“Barnes,” a voice barked through the door. One of his many guards. “Step back,” he ordered.

“I’m not at the door asshole, use your eyes,” Bucky replied back. He took great pride and pleasure in being able to answer back this way. There had been no answering back at Hydra.   
“Your lawyer has arranged you to have these,” The guard posted a pad of paper and a ballpoint pen through the door slot. They dropped to the floor. “No funny business with the pen or we take it away,” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Bucky rolled his eyes. He knew about fifteen ways to kill a man with a ballpoint pen but the guard didn’t need to know that.  
“Any letters you write will be available for the recipients to pick up at the entrance,” the guard continued. 

“Thanks,” Bucky replied sincerely. At least now he could write to Assa and Steve and let them know how he was doing. “Any chance of something better to eat? Porterhouse steak maybe?” 

Unsurprisingly, the guard didn’t reply. 

 

There were no stars here, that’s what she didn’t like about the city, that and the rush, people always running, always in a rush. She missed her little house in India. Looking up at the sky now she wondered how her son was doing, her mother, how so much easier it would be for her to just travel home and leave all this behind. 

Assa wished Steve had come home, she felt lonely, small, tonight she would have needed a friend. Instead she stood here, in front of a window look out towards the sky, a half empty bottle of whisky in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Old habits she thought she had left behind years ago. 

Another swig of the bottle and the effects were finally felt, her thoughts losing their clarity, her body swaying lightly. She felt light, almost light enough to fly. 

“You seem unsure, Child,” A voice she hadn’t heard in years. “Seeing you like this, is quite disappointing, you are stronger than this.” She turned to see her mother, tall and proud, looking down at her. She had the glow of an Asgardian, the almost holy aura they seemed to radiate. 

“Mother,” She said reverently, her eyes looking down at her feet, something that always happened when she was in the presence of her mother. “You shouldn’t be here.” She added quickly, turning to look out the window again. 

“I go where I am needed,” She heard her mother walking around the apartment, “And you, my child, need me.” She added sternly. There was no mothering here, no motherly instinct. This was the mother Assa had always known, cold and distant. “You’re thinking of breaking our laws, Child.” It was a statement, not a question, “You know what they will do to you if you go through with this….plan of yours. You know the Elders will have to punish you deeply for such a serious transgression,” 

“I am aware of the risks Mother,” Assa replied. 

“I see you have been indulging in Midgardian weaknesses,” Her mother continued, motioning to the packet of cigarettes and nearly empty whiskey bottle. “You are so much greater than the beings who walk this earth Child. You were put here for a purpose. A noble purpose.” 

“It’s for the man I love Mother,” Assa said defensively. “Do you really think I would take rule-breaking so lightly? That I would do so with little thought for the consequences? I am aware of the punishment. This is something I need to do, with or without your support,” She added defiantly, emboldened by the whiskey. “ After all, as you so often put it, I am my Father’s daughter.” 

“You will have no support from me,” Her mother said coldly. “I value my place in Asgard. That simple Midgardian you profess to love will abandon you soon enough. That is their way. I will ask you one final time my daughter, do not risk your people for a lowly human,” She warned. 

“Like Father was a lowly human?” Assa spat. She wouldn’t usually speak to her mother in this manner but this was for Bucky. She cared little for her mother’s petty disapproval. 

“Your father was a good man,” Her Mother replied. “A rare occurrence from what I have seen. Do as you feel you must, but you know our laws. Do not expect me to be standing in your defence when the Elders here of this,” 

“I won’t need you to,” Assa continued adamantly. “I’ll be with the man I love!” 

“Then so be it,” Her Mother answered. And, just as quickly as she’d arrived, she was gone. Assa was left alone with the cool night air and the quiet hum of the traffic outside.


	16. Chapter 16

My Dearest Assa,   
Prison life is shit. It’s definitely not the hotbed of sex the movies make it out to be. The guards are all assholes and the food leaves a hell of a lot to be desired. I’d kill for a steak. Probably shouldn’t say that around the guards though. 

I miss you. So much. I can’t wait until you can come and visit me. Claire says she’s working on it. I feel like we were only just getting to know each other again before I was taken away. Still, we have the rest of our lives to do that and if things go our way with the trial, we’ll be back together soon. 

You looked amazing at the arraignment by the way. Like stunningly knock-out beautiful. Not that you don’t always of course! But it was like water for a dying man seeing you there. I felt the comfort you were giving me and it helped a fucking lot. 

Claire says that you’re allowed to write back to me, it’ll just get checked over by the guards so make sure you don’t include any escape plans! Only joking. Well, I’m coming to the end of my page now so I guess I’ll sign off. My paper is rationed as is my time with this pen. But if I can walk away a free man after all of this it’ll have been worth it 

Write back to me soon, I miss you. I’ve also asked about conjugal visits! :)

All my love,  
Bucky

 

Steve put the candle back in the drawer. Five minutes later he pulled it out again. He put it in the center of the table. He moved it to the left. Then moved it to the right. Were candles too obvious? Maybe he should put it away again.   
“Man, you move that candle one more time and I’ll throw it out the window,” Clint grabbed the candle and put it back in the middle of the table. He’d arrived that morning claiming not to be able to sleep while everyone was so far away but, of course, everyone knew it was see to Nat. Steve would’ve probably teased him about it if he wasn’t so damn nervous. 

“You don’t think it’s too much? too obvious?” Steve asked, examined the silverware for smudges or signs of old food.   
“I think you’re overthinking things,” Wanda piped up from the couch where she was currently halfway through weaving her latest rug, a rainbow coloured monstrosity that was specially for Clint’s bathroom.   
“See when the kids are telling you that you’re over thinking, then you KNOW you’re overthinking,” Clint replied. He grabbed the cutlery from Steve’s grasp. “Now go make yourself pretty, I’ll lay the table,” 

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” Steve asked, feeling like he was going to be sick. He’d spent almost an hour trying to pick the perfect outfit before settling on a nice pair of black pants and a soft blue shirt which he’d neatly ironed. Clint rolled his eyes expressively.   
“It was a joke Cap, at ease,” 

“You should relax Steve, all that frowning is gonna give you wrinkles,” Sam commented as he entered the kitchen. Steve glared at him and he held his hands up defensively. “Woah, easy man, I’m just here for the popcorn,” He said, pulling a couple of bags out of the cupboard. He turned to face Clint and Wanda. “Come on you guys Studio Ghibli marathon upstairs. Let’s leave Cap to his wooing,” He continued, hustling Clint and Wanda towards the elevator. Once they had boarded, Sam turned around giving Steve a wink and a thumbs up. Steve smiled back gratefully. 

He had to admit that Clint had done a good job with the table. He’d even remembered the, which he’d neatly folded beside the cutlery. The pie was in the oven and Steve had prepared a light salad for starters. After trying and failing three times to make it himself, the dessert was store bought chocolate fondants. Pepper had texted him a wine recommendation and it was chilling in the ice bucket beside two glasses, ready to be poured.   
“Captain,” Friday’s calm voice suddenly spoke, startling Steve. “I have a visitor for you. She is currently en route to your floor via the elevators,” 

“Thanks Friday,” Steve replied, feeling his anxiety rank up a notch or three. He tried his best to take a deep, cleansing breath and remember the advice Bucky gave him all those years ago

 

“Just be yourself Stevie,” Bucky said as he adjusted Steve’s tie so that it looked just right. It was a Friday night and Steve had let Bucky talk him into getting all dressed up to the nines for a double date. He was nervous as hell.   
“But dames don’t like me,” Steve protested. He couldn’t help but compare himself to Bucky. Whereas Bucky’s shirt and slacks were a perfect fit on his lithe frame, Steve’s clothes were practically hanging off him. He’d just gotten over another bout of pneumonia so he’d lost a little weight. That, compared with his usual skinny body, didn’t exactly make him look like a hot commodity.   
“Well this one does, otherwise she wouldn'ta asked you on a date,” Bucky flashed him a grin. Steve wasn’t convinced. For a start, he and this girl had never even seen each other. He doubted Steve Rogers was a name the dames passed around like they did with Bucky. 

“Can’t I just stay at home?” Steve whined. He was feeling sick and shaky with nerves now. Bucky rolled his eyes at him as he grabbed the little pot of shared Brylcreem and started to style his hair. “C’mon Buck...you don’t need me to have a good time,” 

“You’re going and that’s the end of it,” Bucky replied. “Like I said, s’not like it’s hard. Just be yourself. You’re a great guy Stevie and any dame would be lucky to have ya,” 

 

The elevator doors slid open, pulling Steve out of his reverie. Suddenly Claire was there, right in front of him. She was wearing an elegant red dress, her hair a beautiful cloud of chocolate curls. She clacked across the flooring in yet another pair of high stilettos. Steve noticed they had the same red soles that Pepper’s did.   
“Good evening,” He greeted. He could feel his hands shaking. Was he supposed to shake her hand? or maybe pull her into a hug? What did dam-women even like these days? Steve was beginning to regret this. That was until she smiled at him and he reminded himself of why he’d asked her. She looked stunning when she smiled. She also seemed to be at home, walking around the kitchen and admiring the various gadgets it contained courtesy of Tony.   
“Well something smells wonderful,” Claire replied, sitting down at the table. “I’m famished too, been working all day,” 

“I thought we’d start with a salad and then move onto the pie followed by chocolate fondant for dessert,” Steve announced this list like a waiter reciting a menu and immediately felt foolish. 

“You’re cute,” Claire said. She sounded genuine when she’d said it, not condescending like the girls back in Brooklyn used to be. “You’re not used to talking to women are you?” She added, giving him a look that reminded him of Peggy when she’d said the exact same thing. 

“I guess not,” Steve chuckled. 2017 and he STILL didn’t know how to talk to women despite counting Nat and Wanda as close friends. 

“So,” Claire uncorked the bottle of wine and poured two glasses. It astounded Steve how comfortable she looked, how sure of herself she was. It was amazing. Didn’t she ever feel nervous or scared? “This salad,” 

“Oh! yeah!” Steve cursed inwardly. Here he was standing by the stove like an idiot when Claire had already mentioned she was really hungry. “Here,” He fetched the two bowls of salad from the fridge, adjusted the timer for the pie, and sat down.   
“How did you know ranch dressing is my favourite?” Claire asked as she tucked into her salad. She winked at him, “Do some reconnaissance with Pepper?”

“It’s my favourite too,” Steve answered, feeling a blush across his cheeks. She smiled at him again, that same smile that seemed to turn him weak at the knees. He was glad he was sitting down. “So Claire, tell me about yourself. How did you get to know Pepper?” 

“We went to same high school,” Claire replied. She sipped her wine. “And then we were roommates in college. While I was studying law, she was studying business so it’s no wonder she does such an amazing job heading up Stark Industries,” She continued, “I’ve done a bit of legal work for them but human rights law is really my passion. I’m very big on mutant rights,”

“That’s great,” Steve grinned at her. The way she talked about her work was so passionate. It was a pleasure to see her face light up. “I bet you have a lot of stories about Pepper,” 

“Oh no, she’d kill me,” Claire said with a laugh. Her laughter was like music to Steve’s ears and he found himself making a silent vow that he would always try to make her laugh and smile. 

 

Two hours later and all three courses had been eaten devoured by the two of them. They had retired to the lounge area, bringing the wine bottle with them, and were now sitting on the couch watching some silly romantic comedy called ‘What’s Your Number?’. It wasn’t the worst movie Steve had seen but it was easy to watch and didn’t require too much attention on their part. Claire had kicked off her shoes and leaned back against the large cushions, her long legs curling up under her like a cat. She’d spent the first half hour of the movie teasing Steve about how he looked like the main male character. 

“Except you wouldn’t see me walking around naked,” Steve said, shaking his head at the screen. Claire giggled.   
“Shame,” She replied then covered her mouth. “Whoops! must be the wine!” 

“You...like me?” Steve asked, astounded. He’d hoped that would be the case but he could never be too sure. It wasn’t like he had all that much experience. A few kisses here and there over the years didn’t mean he could read women any more than when he’d been a virgin back in the Forties. Claire rolled her eyes at him fondly and moved a little closer so that her shoulder bumped up against his.  
“Of course silly,” Her slim white hand stroked his forearm, “I like you a lot,”

“I...like you...too” Steve stuttered, feeling the blush creep up his cheeks again. He didn’t know what made him do it, perhaps it was one too many romantic comedies but he bent his head and planted a chaste kiss on her lips. “Oh...god! I’m sorry! was...was that ok?” He asked nervously.

“More than ok,” Claire replied. She snuggled even closer to him, her fingers moving down his arm until she entwined her hand in his, “There’s just something you need to know about me before this goes any further,” 

“Ok,” Steve idly stroked his thumb over their clasped hands. He was pretty sure that there was nothing in the world that Claire could tell him that would dampen his feelings for her.   
“When I said I lived alone, I wasn’t being exactly honest,” Claire continued. She took a deep breath. “I actually have a daughter, Charlotte. I call her Charly. She’s six months old,” 

“Oh,” Steve’s first thought was, ‘is that all?’. The way she’d said it, with a look of trepidation on her face told him that she was used to it being a problem. Maybe it was too soon to tell her, but the thing Steve longed for the most was a family. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t biologically linked to a child, as far as he was concerned that wasn’t the definition of a father.   
“So is that a good ‘oh’ or a ‘get off my couch and be gone’ kind of ‘oh?” Claire was looking up at him, her green eyes shining hopefully. Steve gently cupped her chin and kissed her again. When they parted, slightly breathlessly, she whispered breathlessly “yeah, that was definitely a good ‘oh’” 

 

The whiskey was gone, Assa was on her last cigarette, sitting there on the balcony, in one of Bucky’s t-shirts she felt everything but the cold. His hands on her skin, the heat from their bodies, the hurt from seeing him in shackles. Everything hit her, everything stung. 

Knowing her mother would not support her had not come as a surprise, still, it hurt. Never had Eir stood in her daughter’s corner; not once, why would Assa have ever thought it might change this time? She took a last drag of her cigarette, stumped it and threw it off the balcony to land on the sidewalk four floors down. She’d hoped her mother would understand about this. After all, Eir had fallen in love with a Midgardian. 

“I have come here to plead with you,” A familiar voice said from behind her. Assa didn’t turn around. Heimdall, since marrying Eir, had been one of her closest friends in Asgard so it was no surprise that he was here, obviously intending to try and change her mind.  
“If my Mother’s threats didn’t work, nothing you have to say will either,” she replied. Heimdall’s hand came down on her shoulder. It was comforting but at the same time made her miss Bucky’s touch all the more.   
“Love can make you do foolish things Assa, I am understanding of that but you know you will not be allowed to continue living here if you are to be discovered by the Royal Guard,” Heimdall continued. 

“My mother and I have been through this,” Assa sighed not wishing to repeat herself. She was a headstrong woman and now that her mind was fully made up, nobody, not even Bucky would change it. “I am doing what I need to do to protect my love and you’re either with me or against me,” 

“Assa,” Heimdall took a deep intake of breath. She felt a little guilty, using her friend like this, but she would need his help if she was to carry out the plan successfully.   
“I’ll make sure you don’t get into any trouble,” Assa continued.

“That is not what I am concerned about,” Heimdall replied quickly. “I don’t want to see you confined to an Asgardian prison,” 

“If it happens, it happens,” Assa said adamantly. “At least Bucky will finally be free,” 

“You are a fool for love my dear Assa,” Heimdall answered but sounding fond this time. “How can I assist you?” 

“I need to get to a Midgardian prison in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. It won’t be now but I’ll call upon you when I need to go” Assa replied gratefully. She knew that Heimdall wasn’t breaking any rules by doing this but he wasn’t exactly following them to a T either. She would probably never be able to thank him properly for doing this.   
“Your wish is my command dear Assa,” Heimdall said, giving her shoulder a squeeze. 

“Thank you Heimdall,” She replied ,feeling all the more confident for his agreement to help. 

When she turned around, he was gone. Assa went back inside and grabbed her bag. She needed to get to the airport and fast. 

 

“Somebody’s in love,” Clint commented as he strolled into the kitchen and plucked a piece of toast from the table. He bit into it and immediately pulled a face.

“That’s what you get for teasing me,” Steve said smugly. He was sitting at the kitchen table making his way through a large bowl of cereal. He laughed as Clint made a beeline to the sink and spat the offending toast into it.

“How the hell did he fuck up toast?” Clint demanded, he held his mouth under the tap to try and get rid of the taste.  
“He used some weird vegetable extract spread that Tony brought back from Australia,” Steve replied. “Vegemite?” 

“Remind me never to go to Australia,” Clint mutter as he grabbed a knife and then sat down opposite Steve and took an apple from the fruit bowl. “So, the big date went well?” He continued, starting to cut chunks off the apple. 

“Captain Rogers?” Friday interrupted. “You asked me to notify you when Miss Assa left your apartment. She has done so with her packing case. It appears she is heading for the airport,” 

“Shit,” Steve cursed. “Thanks Friday,” He added. He didn’t know how Tony had done it, but he’d been able to link Friday to his apartment so that she could monitor it in his absence. Ever since he’d found out that Assa was planning something he’d asked the AI to let him know if it looked like she was leaving permanently. He’d felt a little guilty, almost like he was spying on her but it was a necessary evil. If Assa was going to do something stupid, he wanted to be there to help, especially because she would be doing it for Bucky. Steve wasn’t wholly sure about the extent of her powers but he’d figured that they would have something to do with this plan of hers. He very much doubted she was going to the airport to return to India. But then, he thought to himself, why an airport?   
“We gotta go?” Clint asked, putting down the knife and the apple.

“You don’t,” Steve replied, getting up. He wondered if he could get to the airport before she made whatever flight it was.   
“Hey man, I’ve been eating one too many pizzas lately, I could do with the exercise. Retirement doesn’t suit me,” Clint winked as he followed Steve to the elevator. 

Steve smiled gratefully. Maybe he would need the backup.


	17. Chapter 17

The airport was busy, people milling around taking time to look in the shops, others marching purposefully and a few people running to catch flights. Assa passed the security details with no issue, her passport in hand and entered the departure area. Thousands of people leaving and arriving in the city, the country, seeing thousands other people, meeting with family and business relations. Just as she’d thought, this was the perfect place. 

Assa stood there, her plane had been called, one way to Paris; from there she would take another one way flight to Moscow, from there to Bombay then to Hong Kong, off to Vancouver before showing up at the prison, unannounced. Hopefully, she would be quick enough to not get caught before she was done. She’d planned her destinations strategically, trying to cover as much as possible in her limited time

Her plan was simple enough, she just hoped that it would be successful. 

Finding her seat on the plane, she focussed herself, her hands clasped, her eyes closed tight. She poured that focus on feeling everyone in the plane, sending her tendrils out she pushed herself passed the metal walls and into the airport. Assa could feel them all, their emotions, their desires and, most importantly their thoughts.

What she sent out was smooth, deliberate, pity for The Winter Soldier, sadness for his past, positivism linked to his persona and a lack of anger towards his deeds. She sent it all out, making sure to catch every single person she felt, not missing anyone. They would never know it, but their view of the Winter Soldier had just been askewed by someone they never knew had gone into their mind. Every time they would talk to someone, touch someone, these ideas would spread, like wildfire.

As the plane sped up and took off, Assa was sure she saw the lightning linked to Bifrost travel. She had managed, this time, to elude them. 

 

She slept through most of the flight, landing in Paris. Invading the thoughts of so many people at once left her tired, at the nearest cafe Assa had some coffee and breakfast, before calling Steve, the last thing she needed was to have both Captain America AND the Asgardian Royal Guards on her tail. There was no answer but she would keep trying. As soon as she was finished her meal, she headed to the two biggest tourist locations, starting with the Eiffel Tower.

The more people she touched, the more there was a chance that the judge, the witness pool and the jurors would be affected, as well, with the world on the poor Soldier’s side, no one would dare sentence him to death, or even life imprisonment. She was counting on the press, on the public opinion, and she was betting everything she had. She counted on there being a world wide protest against his imprisonment and impending trial.

She left Paris within the hour. Her plane was called and, like before, she boarded, again she focused on the souls around her, sending out the same feelings as she had hours before. Falling asleep in her seat, Assa did not see the Lightning from her window seat. Instead she dreamt of Bucky.

 

They hadn’t gotten to the airport in time. Not that Steve really expected to. They had no way of knowing where Assa had gone to.   
“Shit,” Steve cursed after he and Clint had scoured the airport looking for any sign of her, “We’ve obviously missed her,”

“Language Cap,” Clint teased around the rim of his coffee. Steve however was not in the mood for jokes. He knew that whatever Assa was planning wasn’t going to be good. She’d been so secretive about it and he recognised that. It was the same way he approached his riskier ideas. The ones Bucky would definitely disapprove of if he knew…

“You fuckin’ did what?” Bucky snarled as he picked at his pork and beans ration. Night had fallen in Azzano and it would be at least another six hours before they returned to the camp. The wounded had been given priority transport and everyone else was going to have to make the long trek back. 

They’d bedded down for the night and made a small campfire, taking it in turns to keep watch. Steve had just relieved Dernier. Bucky had been awake through Dernier’s, Dugan’s and Jones’ look out shifts.   
“I was trying to make sure people were safe,” Steve replied, very much regretting telling Bucky this story.   
“And getting yourself killed into the bargain?” Bucky threw the fork into the tin with a clatter and tossed it aside. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ Stevie, you’re a punk!”

“It wasn’t a real grenade,” Steve said, going for reassurance. Bucky just rolled his eyes.  
“Oh well geez,” He spat sarcastically. “Let’s just jump on every grenade we see cos it might be some test,” 

“Yo, Cap! Check this out,” Clint was standing by one of the large screen TVs that were in the airport’s seating area. It was the early morning newscast. As Steve trotted over, a picture of Bucky flashed up on the screen. The volume was very low, almost inaudible, Clint was screwing up his face in concentration. Not for the first time, Steve was glad to have his enhanced hearing.

“United States vs Barnes is one of the most hotly anticipated trials of the decade,” The news reported was saying. “And support has been flooding in for the Winter Soldier, aka James Buchanan Barnes, from around the world. We have early reports that online petitions are being created to see to it that Barnes is released. Earlier this morning in Paris, a demonstration was held near the Arc De Triomphe with crowds gathering to lend their support to Barnes’ cause,” 

Steve’s phone rang, breaking his focus on the newscast; looking at the number he recognized it as the number Assa had given him a few days before. It rang a second time in his hand, before he answered it.   
“Assa! where are you?” 

“Paris,” Assa replied. “At the airport,” He heard her take a sip of something and the clink of a cup against something. 

“Assa you gotta tell me these things,” Steve said, “I could help...the team could help. You can’t go into these things on your own,” 

“But I have Steve,” She replied serenely. “I have been doing that my whole life,” She didn’t sound sad at this fact, more determined. Steve could appreciate a determined person intent on flying solo for the sake of a loved one. Particularly when that loved one was Bucky.  
“I saw the news,” Steve continued. “How on earth did you manage something like that?”

“Clearly she’s got some of that Santa Claus magic shit,” Clint butted in. Steve shot him a miniature version of the ‘Captain America Glare,’ and he promptly shut up. Steve heard Assa laugh lightly, as was her way. 

“It’s OK Steve, it’s all going to be fine. Trust me.” He heard a sigh, then nothing, the line went dead. 

 

The next few days were hectic; seeing her travel everywhere with hardly a stop to breathe, every time she would be leaving just as the Royal Guards would arrive, allowing her to breathe a bit easier every time. Vancouver would be the tricky part, she would need to make herself travel from there to the prison cell, and that was something she had only learned in theory, in practice, Assa had never been able to move from place to place like her mother could. For that she was going to need Heimdall. 

The plane landed and she waited for everyone to get off, taking her place in line to disembark. Assa was tired, exhausted, Vancouver had been beautiful from the air, and she hoped maybe one day she would be able to visit it with her husband in tow. She had thought that of every city she had landed in so far. She had no baggage, no carry on. People had found it odd but then they’d probably supposed she was some kind of nomad. The first thing she did in each airport she arrived at, was make her way to the bathrooms. Locking herself in the first one she found and focusing once more. Again she’d felt everyone around her, being tired, it took longer than usual to rally her thoughts, but after a few minutes Assa managed to send out what she needed. Seconds later, opening her eyes, she felt the earth shake and knew someone was coming for her, they were near, getting nearer, and just as the bathroom door slammed open.

Heimdal was the only one she knew that could do this for her, help her, and so she focused on him, putting every ounce of her need in the thought, in the demand. Suddenly, she felt heat and light, opening her eyes, looking around, she saw Bucky, sitting on his bunk, looking at her with incredulous eyes. Heimdall had not let her down.   
“Assa?” Bucky was looking at her like she was a mirage. “Ok...now I know I’m going stir crazy…”

“It’s really me,” Assa replied, letting out a soft chuckle despite her tiredness. Bucky gaped at her and suddenly hauled himself off his narrow bunk and threw his arms around her tightly. She allowed herself to lean against him a little, he felt like home.   
“Here to bust me out?” Bucky asked into hair, half joking, half serious. He felt her shake her head. He reluctantly broke the hug and frowned in confused. “How… what are you doing here ?” 

“I came to say goodbye.” She tried not to cry. “I don’t have much time, I don’t know how long I’ll be gone” His eyes were full of pain and confusion, she wasn’t sure she could do this. “Just know that I love you. That always will.” There was a terrifying noise and the sleeping guard at the desk startled awake. Seeing Assa he instantly hit the emergency button. 

Assa knew that noise meant the guards had found her and she needed to make this quick.

“You can’t just leave. Not now.” He plead. “I need you.” There were tears in his eyes and his whole body was shaking. 

“It’s not by choice My Love.” A door burst open near the desk and four large men walked through, armed with knives swords and shields. Assa pulled Bucky in for a last kiss, making sure she sent him thoughts of hope and love. Breaking away she laid her hand on the cell door, it clicked and, slowly she pushed the door open, walking through and meeting the four warriors. Assa had time to look up at meet Bucky’s gaze before all five disappeared in a bright flash. 

 

Asgard never changed, even when it did, it didn’t; not really, the same buildings, same people, same shit, different day. Crossing the bridge from Heimdall’s post to the main city. Looking out she saw the waterfall, the stars far above, the mountains standing tall behind  
the city; this was her mother’s home, her people’s home, but it wasn’t and never would be hers. Gently she was coaxed out of her thoughts by one of the guards, it was time to move on, Odin waited for her in the great hall. It was late and most of the city slept, it was odd walking down so many empty streets. When finally they reached the palace, Eir was there waiting for her wayward daughter.   
“You should know by now, My Child, that you are no longer welcome here,” Eir said disdainfully, looking down her nose at Assa. 

Assa rolled her eyes not bothering to engage her mother.   
“You dare to defy me?” Eir thundered. “After what you have done? This won’t do. You will answer to me,”

 

“Mother, enough is enough, you were banned from Asgard for years before father died. How dare YOU?!” 

“Do not bring my own circumstances into this. It is you who have defied your home and brought shame onto mine and your step father’s names. Consider yourself lucky that I am even willing to converse with you,” She sniffed, looking at Assa as if she were nothing more than an gnat. “I can assure you that you have heard the last ‘My Child’ that will ever pass from my lips,” 

This was priceless, Assa simply couldn’t contain her inner Clint. 

“If that were true, it’d be great.” She said while walking by, ignoring her mother and just continuing on to to great hall. 

“For shame. If you refuse to answer me you will answer to the Great Odin!’ Eir shouted down the corridor in an uncharacteristic loss of control. 

“Good, uncle Odin always did like me .” Assa answered not even looking back, she was done with her mother. 

“Continue to talk like a common Midgardian! That is where you belong now! With those barely human creatures, scurrying around in their gutters! I shall see to it that you do not drag your poor child down with you,” Eir called back. 

Ignoring her mother was something Assa had never done, but now, she wished she had years ago. It was liberating. She no longer felt like she had to answer to that woman. She walked onwards to the Great Hall feeling as though, at least as far as her feelings for Eir were concerned, she had closure. 

 

The hall was empty, no one except for Odin, sitting patiently on his throne. The guards stopped, leaving her to continue alone, her steps were loud in the silent hall, echoing against the thick marble columns, the ceiling must have been at least a hundred feet above her, and Assa realized that this place was the only place she had ever felt dwarfed; a feeling she did not like.  
As intimidating as the Great Hall could be, there was also a serenity to it. As soon as he heard her footsteps he looked up. As was usually the case with Odin, it was impossible to tell what he was thinking solely by the expression on his face. She moved towards him and he nodded at her in acknowledgment.   
“I have been waiting for you Assa, what have you to say for yourself?” He asked sternly but not angrily. 

“Nothing, Great Odin.” She answered clearly. She saw him lean forward, looking at her with questioning eyes.

“You are a smart woman,” He continued. “You are truly an asset to those you meet. However, I cannot overlook what you have done. Are you understanding of this?” He asked, his voice grave. 

“I do.” Assa wasn’t sure what he expected of her, was she supposed to lie, cry, beg for forgiveness, ask for something she did not want or need. She had done it all knowingly, hoping that maybe Odin would see it in his heart to send her away, back to earth, but she knew, was convinced, it would not be that easy. 

“I ordered my guards to allow me to speak to you alone. You may be wondering why a trial is not taking place. I have no need for such motions. Whilst your crime is grave, you are my family and I will be lenient on you,” Odin explained. “Your Mother was most adamant that you should be banished and imprisoned away from the palace. This will not be the case. While Eir wishes she could decide, it is I who is King and therefore I shall place the restrictions. Are you understanding of this also?” 

 

“Yes Odin.” Assa bowed her head, grateful that her Uncle was going to show her some shred of mercy, however small that may be. He had clearly not taken her mother’s earlier histrionics as seriously as he could have.   
“You will not leave this palace,” Odin started, sounding firm. “You are to be banned from returning to Midgard and you will not consort with any Midgardians. I have asked my son to ensure that no contact is made between you and your Midgardian friends. Have you any questions?” 

 

Assa had expected this, but now, faced with the reality, it was too much to bare. Bending her knees in front of him she looked up, catching his one good eye.

“Fair Odin, Great Odin, why not just banish me, send me to midgard, let me die there like a mere mortal. Please.” She said trying not to cry. “ Please uncle.” 

“No,” Odin replied bluntly. He frowned, obviously not appreciating her audacity at daring to challenge his ruling. She was clearly on very thin ice. “The restrictions are as I have explained. I have one further proviso. In order to ensure your compliance. I will accept no argument. I have arranged for you to marry Hydir the Brave. He is one of our finest warriors and he will see to it that you and your son are kept in good wealth,”

“No” It was simple, she would not, could not give into that one particular rule. “My Lord Odin, I cannot marry him or anyone else.” Standing up she held her head high. There was no negotiating this, she would die before marrying again.

“This is not a discussion,” Odin continued. “I have a room prepared for you within the palace. The guards will take you there now,” He added with a tone of finality. 

“How long do I have before you sell me off as a broodmare uncle?” She asked petulantly. “Do I even get time enough to forget my own husband? Or am I expected to be well married and full with child by the end of the first moon?” 

“That has yet to be decided,” Odin replied dismissively as if he wasn’t selling her entire future. “I have been patient with you. Now, you are dismissed until I call upon you again,” He motioned to a couple of his guards that had been waiting by the grand doors at the end of the Great Hall. They marched towards Assa and stopped when they flanked her, obviously waiting for her to move. 

 

There was no curtsy or acknowledgement from her part, when the guards reached her she simply turned to follow. Odin would get nothing more form her this day.


	18. Chapter 18

“I’m sorry Buck,” Steve said sadly as they sat across the small table in Bucky’s cell. He hated seeing Bucky here, confined yet again. It wasn’t fair. Bucky deserved to finally be free, to experience for himself the amazing changes that had taken place in the world. He deserved to travel. He deserved a life outside of a cryo unit or four walls. He deserved Assa. “I’ve tried to make contact, I really have, but nothing so far,” He shrugged helplessly. There wasn’t much he could do. His own contact with Assa had been non existent. 

“She can’t have just disappeared!” Bucky growled. He was trying his hardest not to take it out on Steve but damn it was fucking hard. Assa hadn’t had the time to explain where she was going and Bucky could only assume that she’d been taken back to Asgard. He refused to accept that her surprise visit would be the last time he saw her. “What about that God you know? Have you asked him? she’s probably in Asgard somewhere,” He added desperately. 

“Thor’s been off planet for a long time,” Steve replied. “Nobody is one hundred percent sure where he is,” He admitted. “We’re really trying here Buck. I know how important Assa is to you but you need to be at your best for this trial. You gotta bring your game when they cross examine you,” Bucky opened his mouth to say something but Steve quickly cut him off, knowing what was coming. “And don’t tell me you don’t care about the trial now. You have to. You can search for Assa yourself as soon as you’re a free man,” 

Bucky merely grunted in reply which Steve recognised as his reluctant agreement. He decided to offer Bucky the one bit of good news he had, hoping that it might cheer him up, even a little bit, although it seemed a long shot. A very long shot.   
“You’ve got a lot of support outside,” He continued. “People are signin’ petitions, runnin’ demonstrations, all kinds of things. They know the truth Buck and they’re willin’ to fight for you just like we are,” 

“Kinda makes sense,” Bucky said thoughtfully. “Because somethin’s up with the guards too. They’ve been nothin’ but total assholes to me since I got here but ‘bout a week ago they started actually callin’ me by my name. One of ‘em even slipped me some candy. I had no fuckin’ clue what that was about,” 

They looked at each other for a moment and said, in unison, “Assa,” 

“She’s certainly somethin’” Steve said, impressed. Assa had obviously covered a lot of bases when she’d worked her magic. It was a genius idea really, travel the world, using her powers to make people see the truth about Bucky’s situation. If it meant that Bucky would get off with no jail or hospital time, he would be forever grateful to her. Bucky seemed to thinking the same thing as he sighed sadly and twisted the wedding band around his finger.   
“I just want her back Stevie,” He said quietly, sounding as if he were on the verge of tears. Steve reached across the cold steel table and patted Bucky’s flesh hand.

“We’ll get her back for you Buck, I promise,” He replied with a lot more conviction than he felt. Bucky nodded gratefully. He was determined that some way, somehow, his wife would be back in his arms before long. 

****

“Steve Rogers, we meet again,”   
Steve turned around. After visiting Bucky he’d decided that the first thing he needed was a good stiff drink. There was a bar not far from his apartment. It was cosy, quiet and guaranteed to be almost dead at this time of night. It was one of those old-timey bars, leather and dark oak booths with an old jukebox playing hits from the forties and fifties. It was frequented by mostly older people who just wanted a quiet drink rather than hordes of raucous youths looking for a good time. He’d just ordered a whiskey and was surprised to hear a familiar voice. When he turned around, Claire was standing there. 

She’d obviously come to the bar straight from work. She was still dressed in another well cut business suit and yet another pair of red soled stilettos. She smiled at him and Steve felt his heart skip a beat. All those silly cliches contained within the lyrics of love songs that he’d always dismissed seemed to ring true when he was around her.   
“Hi Claire,” He greeted with a smile. He found himself realising that after a shit day such as today, she was just the tonic he needed. If he didn’t stop himself, he could easily imagine coming home to her at the end of every day. 

“Shitty day?” She asked, almost as if she’d read his mind. “Me too,” She slid onto one of the stools at the bar and nodded to the barman. “Gin and Tonic please,” 

While the barman fixed the drinks, Steve sat down next to her. She was wearing a different perfume this time, this one smelling more fruity. It was incredibly sexy and Steve found himself wanting to kiss her again. Instead, he settled for placing his hand on her knee. He usually wouldn’t be so forward but Bucky’s situation with Assa had taught him that any moments needed to be seized.   
“Want to talk about it?” He asked her, pleased when she didn’t shy away from his touch.

“It’s ok,” She replied as the barman handed her the drink. “I get the feeling my night has just gotten a whole lot better,” She smiled sensuously as him. “I’m glad I ran into you. How about some dinner? there’s an excellent steak place just around the corner,”

“PJ’s Steakhouse?” Steve grinned. It was his favourite restaurant. He could easily put away a steak, fries and onion rings with room for dessert. PJ’s did the best cheesecakes he’d ever tasted. It was just what he needed. “Sure, my treat,” 

“Sorry Cap,” Claire said saucily. “But tonight the pleasure’s all mine,” 

They had skipped the restaurant, Steve’s hand had climbed a little higher than Claire’s knee and the kiss they had shared as she made her interests obvious made it so it took most of both their self restraint to get to Steve’s apartment. There, things only intensified. Claire knew exactly what she wanted and it was obvious Steve was more than willing to give it to her. 

They entered the apartment gracelessly, in a mess of touching and kissing, the door had barely closed onto itself that Claire and Steve had already worked themselves out of some of their clothes. Steve took a second to look at her, her eyes, so bright, her face flushed, lips red from kissing, she wore matching bra and panties Steve would have expected nothing less, her heels were still on but not for long. 

Claire pulled him closer, her arms tight around his neck as he picked her up and held her tight against him, her legs coming around his waist, walking towards the bedroom he heard one then the other shoe fall to the ground. 

 

Assa tried her hardest not to glare across the table. Hydir was a perfect gentleman in many ways and could be quite the wit but it was painfully obvious that he would be no match for her. He wasn’t Bucky. 

They were eating their evening meal, provided to them from Odin’s personal kitchen servants. It was an impressive repast, some of the finest Asgardian roasted meats with fresh exotic vegetables and rich sauces. There was wine to go with it, a beautiful vintage that in other circumstances would’ve been perfect. Assa didn’t care for its taste but she drank deeply from her glass anyway. She needed to get out of her head for a while, away from all the thoughts about her husband. 

She was determined that she would see him again. As Steve liked to say, they’d been through too much together to call it quits now. She too knew the pain of getting Bucky back, only to have him cruelly snatched away.   
“Assa?” Hydir was looking at her, frowning in confusion. She’d obviously missed another one of his asinine questions. She sighed, picking at her plate. She wished it was Clint’s home cooked food. She longed to be back at the farm. 

“I’m sorry Hydir,” She apologised genuinely. After all, this forced coupling wasn’t his fault. She knew that he would make a perfectly fine husband one day, just not hers. 

“I am too Assa,” Hydir replied, taking her by surprise. “This wasn’t my idea,” he admitted. “Not that I don’t think you are beautiful because you are but I can tell your heart belongs to another,” he continued sympathetically. He sighed as if he were struggling with an internal battle. It was a moment or two before he spoke again. He leant forward, his tone conspiratorial. “I believe we may be able to help each other,” 

“How?” Assa frowned. She was already trying to work out a way out of this but, with it being an order directly from Odin, it was looking like it was a hopeless situation. 

“I too love another,” Hydir explained. He checked to make sure the guards were out of earshot. Assa leant forward. “The love that is forbidden here,” He added. 

“What do you mean?” She asked confused. 

“During the last great war,” Hydir said, if he felt shame he did not show it. “I became entranced by one of my own warriors,”  
“My love is forbidden also,” Assa replied. “I’m sure you’ve heard that he is a Midgardian,” Hydir nodded sympathetically. “We were married...are married,” She corrected herself quickly. “While I am honored that you would share something so private with me, I’m still not sure how you can assist me,” 

“I can delay the wedding,” Hydir answered. “Odin will believe me if I make excuses. I can be very busy commanding my army against the Frost Giants, my hope is that this will give you enough time to contact your Midgardian friends. Brother Thor may be of some assistance although I do not know where he is at the moment. It has been a while since he visited the palace,” 

“How long do you think you can delay without it being suspicious?” She asked intrigued.

“Of that I am unsure,” Hydir admitted. “However I will try my hardest to give you as much time as I can, you and I are cut from the same cloth Assa. We are both rebelling against our own people. I do not need to tell you that such a thing isn’t easy. That is why I believe we must stick together. I will do what I can. I refuse to fail. You deserve to be with your husband, no matter where he is from,” He finished nobly. 

“And you deserve to be with your love as well,” 

 

Dearest Assa, 

I know this letter won’t reach you. Hell, I wouldn’t even know where to send the damn thing. I’d guess you’re back in Asgard. Come back soon. I need you. The trial’s starting soon. Steve told me that a bunch of people are fighting for my freedom now. Pretty fucking weird huh?....I know what you did Assa. It was risky. It was stupid...but Jesus fucking Christ I’m grateful. You probably gave me my only shot at freedom. 

That’s why I need you to come back. Maybe I can live with you on (or in? whatever.) Asgard. I don’t know how this off planet space shit works. We gotta be together. You, our son and me. We’re a family and ain’t nobody gonna split us up again. We’ve come too far for that shit. 

This is kinda feeling like a diary now. I guess I’ll show you all these letters I’ve been writing WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN. 

All my love,  
Bucky XOXO (One of the guards tells me that’s how kids today sign off. Maybe he’s yanking my chain?) 

Looking at the letter he had just written Bucky sighed, he wasn’t sure if he was ever going to see Assa again, touch her or hold her again, the feeling was unbearable. He closed his eyes and went to his comfort thought, it had easily been replaced from his mother’s soothing voice to Assa’s. Thinking about her made heart sing, he felt free, felt like himself when he thought of her and right now that’s what he needed. Smiling he opened his eyes to find the newly written letter gone. The pen was there, the few bare pages underneath it were there as well. But the letter itself was nowhere to be found. 

 

Eir had again categorically refused to give Alarick back to his mother, the scene had been melodramatic and quite over acted. Assa simply couldn’t take anymore of her mother's sanctimonious bullshit. Once Odin ordered Eir to send Alarick to the Palace with all his things, Assa simply turned around and left, refusing to acknowledge her mother or Odin. She didn’t want them to see her tears. She knew that she would be punished, she’d always gone into her plan knowing this but she was grateful that she would be allowed to see the only tangible part of Bucky that she had right now. 

She was allowed into the palace gardens so as long she was chaperoned by a couple of guards. They would follow her around everywhere, barely giving her a chance of privacy. She walked down a pathway that, under any other circumstances, she would consider beautiful. Rows and rows of exotic flowers stood neatly in lines. Large fruit trees were behind them, their boughs studded with fruits of every colour of the rainbow. The air smelt fresh and sweet but to Assa this was all her prison. Beautiful or no, it was a prison all the same. 

She reached an ornately carved bench. Various creatures of Asgard were carved into it’s legs and back. It was as good a place as any for her to sit down and ruminate.   
“I wish you could see our son Bucky,” She whispered. She would be seeing him as soon as he arrived at the palace and, as far as she was concerned, it wasn’t a moment too soon. 

There was a flurry about the guards and one stepped up to her holding a letter, it held Heimdall’s seal in black wax. Surprised but curious, she took the letter and opened it. It was handwritten, in pen, something quite uncommon in Asgard. She’d recognise that writing anywhere. It was from Bucky.

 

“Still no sign of Thor?” Sam asked. He’d just arrived at the compound, fresh from one of his group sessions, to find Steve and Clint sitting at the kitchen table. Steve was brooding into a cup of coffee and Clint was helping himself to a party size bag of Doritos. Sam grabbed himself a soda from the fridge and sat down, popping the can open. “I take it that’s a no,” He continued when nobody ventured an answer. “Oh Jesus what’s that smell?” He asked, wrinkling his nose in disgust.   
“Vision made oatmeal for breakfast,” Clint said around a mouthful of cheesy Doritos. He swallowed. “So, anyone got any bright ideas as to how we summon a God? I mean, I’ve seen a few episodes of Supernatural so I could try it. Can’t guarantee I won’t get a demon instead,” He shrugged. Sam rolled his eyes. 

“Is Thor the only way you guys to get to this Asgard place?” Sam was still adjusting to this whole off-world space stuff. 

“Yep,” Steve replied. “That we know of at least,” He stifled a yawn behind his left hand. When he opened his eyes he saw Clint giving him the side-eye. “What?” 

“You got some!” Clint said triumphantly, spraying Dorito crumbs on the kitchen table.

“Cap got laid? Not sure if I want to celebrate or throw up,” Tony announced as he entered the kitchen. “So, how goes the trial for tall dark and stabby?” Once again, he made a beeline for the much used coffee machine. Even when he wasn’t working on things in his lab, Tony rarely slept. He poured himself an ungodly amount of coffee into a giant mug and leant against the kitchen counter.   
“Shut up Tony,” Steve said, with no real conviction. 

“So who’s the lucky lady?” Clint continued, grinning from ear to ear. 

“Nat.” Steve answered bluntly. Clint choked on his latest mouthful. Sam actually had to pat him on the back and hand him a glass of water. Clint glared daggers at Steve who rolled his eyes expressively. It was common knowledge to anyone with eyes and a brain that Clint had a thing for Natasha. “I’m joking Clint, it’s Claire if you really must know.” 

“Cap makes jokes now?” Tony feigned surprise. “Claire as in Pepper’s friend?” Steve nodded in confirmation. Tony looked somewhat impressed. “I’m happy for you Cap,” He said. Steve watched him, obviously waiting for the next punchline. “No, really,” He added quickly before making a hasty exit.  
“Wow, that’s the most emotion I’ve seen from that guy like ever,” Clint said, watching Tony leave the room for the elevators. He shook his head and focused. “So, Thor’s really the only way?” 

“That we know of,” Steve replied, face grave once more. “Asgard is kind of an unknown to us. They keep themselves to themselves. Thor is the only real contact we have,” 

“And none of you guys have seen him recently?” Sam queried. Clint and Steve shook their heads. “Damn. And it’s not like Norse Gods carry cell phones either,” 

“I even asked Jane,” Steve continued. “She’s been away on a research trip and hasn’t heard a thing either,” He sighed with frustration. He tried his best, wracking his brains for another solution but it always came back down to Thor. He tried to remember names, the other people Thor had talked about, how he’d described coming to Earth and, slowly, a picture arrived in his mind’s eye of a man. Thor talked about him being a guardian or some sort. His name began with H...Steve bit his lip, thinking hard, trying to make the rest of the name come to him.   
“Can anyone else smell burning?” Clint asked as he looked at Steve’s deeply pensive expression. Sam swatted at him.

“There’s got to be a way…” Steve said, ignoring the two. He refused to believe that Assa was lost to them forever. 

 

Assa read the letter over one more time, she had already penned an answer which had disappeared magically once she had sealed it, knowing it would be delivered, Assa had smiled. Maybe she couldn’t see Bucky, but at least they still had this going for them, for as long as Heimdall was willing to risk it. 

She missed him, his voice, his touch his kisses. Just knowing he was so far away and locked up, and here she was, unable to get to him. They had taken away everything she had brought with her, even her wedding band. And though her fingers often stayed to her finger and neck, the small piece of jewelry was never there to be found. 

Alarick was a happy child, demanding of her attention, she would often take him out to one of the many parks, or stay in and draw, or tell him about his father. She feared he would never have the chance to meet Bucky, but at least he would have an idea of who the man was. She would tell him about Captain America, the war stories she had heard about, his close friendship with his dad. Assa hoped for now it would be enough.

 

Bucky was on edge, he kept hearing words like innocent, pardon, set free, and all he could do was hope that they were talking about him. Turning around on himself one more time his eyes found something that had not been there seconds before. Quickly sitting on his bunk he gently picked up the blueish enveloppe, knowing without having to look that it was from Assa. Carefully opening it he pulled out the carefully folded paper until he was looking at Assa’s perfect cursive handwriting. 

 

 

My Love; 

I hope this letter finds you well. I miss you, the days feel like years without you here by my side. I received your letter just this morning, and I must say I am quite glad that we have Heimdall in our court, if it wasn’t for him we might never be able to contact each other you and I. 

Alarick is with me now, Odin has ordered Eir to steer clear of us, and we try to make life here as normal as possible, of course, it is far from normal for me. They have caged me and are trying to force me to marry. It seems Odin believes having a man to control me would make my character easier to manage. Hydir and I (My “Betrothed”) have hatched a plan that could have us push back the wedding hopefully long enough to figure out a way for me and Alarick to get back to you. 

If that fails I’m not sure what I would do, I would rather die than be married off. I am already your wife, nothing will ever change that and I refuse to let anyone or anything keep us apart. 

They took away everything I had, my phone, my passport, none of those things really matter, mind you, but they also took away my ring. The only thing I had of you. 

I miss you Bucky, I miss you more every second. I speak of you to your son, tell him about his strong warrior father and his friend, tell him about your super strong metal arm. There are sparks in his eyes when i speak of you. I cannot wait for you to meet him. 

Yours always. 

Assa. 

 

Bucky held tightly on the piece of paper, they were his lifeline, something to keep him sane until he would be set free, when ever that would be. He read it again, this time focussing on the part about Assa remarrying, they were trying to wipe him out of her life, trying to make him disappear, luckily that was not something Bucky was very good at. He would fight. He would do whatever it took, but he would get his family back. 

“Someone to see you Barnes,” One of the guards announced. 

“Using my name now?” He asked with a raised eyebrow. There’d been even more of a marked difference in the way that the guards were dealing with him. He stopped being ‘Prisoner’ and became ‘Barnes’. 

The guard opened the door to his cell and Claire stepped through. She was dressed for the office and looked excited. She grinned widely as soon as she saw him. In her hands she was holding a brown box.   
“James!” She said happily as she handed him the box. “I’ve got great news! your trial isn’t going to happen. A representative from the US Government contacted me today. You’re being given a full pardon and cleared of all charges! You’ll be out of here within the next couple of days as soon as we get the paperwork for your release,” 

“No fuckin’ way!” Bucky replied, shocked. Well Assa was obviously a very fast worker. He grinned from ear to ear as he thought about leaving this place and finally getting to hold her in his arms again. “That’s awesome,” 

“Yep,” Claire said proudly. “And while we’re waiting, I thought I’d bring you a little box of home comforts,” She continued, nodding at the brown box Bucky was holding. He looked at her curiously before tearing into it. He hadn’t thought it possible but his grin got even wider when he saw that it contained some candy bars, soda, a couple of magazines and some chips. He put the box on his little table and pounced on the 3 Musketeers bar. He ripped the top off and started to chow down on the delicious chocolate. Claire couldn’t help but giggle as she watched Bucky ravenously attack the candy bar.   
“Oh my god,” Bucky said, his words distorted by the chocolate. “This is the best fuckin’ candy bar I’ve ever tasted,” Even with the new attitudes of the guards, the food had still majorly sucked. “What did Steve say when you told him?” Bucky asked, swallowing the last of the candy bar and eyeing up the bag of ketchup flavoured chips. 

Claire was about to reply but she was cut off by another one of the guards entering the cell. He was carrying a piece of paper.   
“Sgt Barnes,” The guard announced officially. Bucky looked at him curiously. They’d never mentioned his rank before. “You are Sgt Barnes’ attorney, Miss Twain, is that correct?” Claire nodded in confirmation. “It would seem your case carries some weight with those higher up,” He explained, “I have here the confirmation of your release. Expedited by the judge himself,” 

“You’re not shitting me?” Bucky asked incredulously. 

“I can confirm, Sgt Barnes, that I am one hundred per cent not shitting you,” The guard replied with a slight smile. 

“I’m free!” He said, turning to Claire with the biggest grin she’d ever seen. “I’m fuckin’ free!”

 

Claire drove him to a burger stand before heading out to the Avengers compound, while Bucky was scarfing down his third cheese burger Claire had called Steve to let him know she was coming to look over some paperwork. She wanted to surprise him with Bucky’s release and was only hoping the news hadn’t gotten to the press yet. 

Steve was having a coffee, his third that day, he was nervous, this would be the first time he would see Claire since they had spent that night together, and though she had left him that morning with a breathless kiss and her beautiful smile, he wasn’t sure how to act or how seeing her again would go. “You can take the kids out of the forties, but you can’t take the forties out of the kid.” He whispered to himself bitterly. He finished his cup and noticed the red Audi pulling in towards the building. “Here we go.” He said to himself again, shaking his head at the fact that he was giving himself a pep talk. 

Coming down the stairs he saw the passenger door open Bucky coming out and his heart stopped. Claire had done it.


	19. Chapter 19

When you’re friends with Tony Stark, it takes very little time to throw together a decent “Yay you’re free” party. It takes about an hour in fact. Within that time, the Avengers had gathered to celebrate with food and drink provided by Tony’s never ending wallet.After some hugging and almost tears from Steve at the car, Bucky was welcomed into the Avengers Compound officially a free man. It was a bittersweet moment. While he was glad to be free at last, with no fear of hospitalization hanging over him, there was somebody blatantly missing from the gathering. 

He took everyone’s well wishes and pats on the back with a smile on his face but, as soon as everybody had focused on the food and the drink and Vision’s attempts at dancing, Bucky slipped outside onto the balcony of Steve’s floor. Pulling his cigarettes out of his pocket he lit up and enjoyed the view of the city. He hoped that the Asgardians were treating her well.   
“Hey,” 

Bucky turned around to see Steve standing there, a drink in hand. His best friend was leaning against the door frame.   
“Hey Stevie,” Bucky replied, inhaling deeply. Steve shook his head and rolled his eyes as he approached him. Bucky knew that look well. “I’m a super soldier now Stevie, these things probably don’t even affect me!” 

“You miss her,” Steve said, blunt as ever. Not many people saw this side of Captain America. The straight, blunt-talking side that only came out when he truly felt comfortable around you. Bucky nodded in agreement and let out a wistful sigh.   
“I just hoped she’d be here...I knew she wouldn’t but...I don’t know, I hoped something had happened y’know? that somebody had found a way…” 

“I’m sorry Buck, we were tryin’ honest. But nobody’s seen or heard anything from Thor, we don’t have a lot of options here,” Steve replied sadly. “Why don’t you come back in and enjoy the party?”

“Honestly I’d rather be celebrating my freedom with my wife,” Bucky said with a shrug. Steve wasn’t the only one who could straight talk. When he saw a fleeting expression of hurt pass across Steve’s face, he offered him a short smile. “I’ll be back in in a second, just let me finish this,” He continued, holding up his cigarette. 

Steve nodded and headed back inside. As he slid the balcony door open, Bucky heard a mixture of laughter and cheers as ‘YMCA’ started up. He took a final drag of his cigarette and tossed it over the side of balcony before putting his ‘party face’ on. Steve had a point about enjoying the party. If there was one thing a Stark party was never short of, it was alcohol. As he stepped back into the room, he had every intention of enjoying that part of the party to the maximum. 

A couple of hours later, things were starting to wind down. Pepper, Nat, Claire and Wanda had gone to Nat’s floor, giggling about something. Vision was asleep on one end of the couch, Sam at the other. Clint was slumped over the kitchen table, silly string and streamers wrapped around him in what Sam had called ‘modern art’. Bruce had forgone the party completely, dropping in only to congratulate Bucky before heading back to his lab. Rhodey had left with some of Sam and Steve’s veteran friends, impressing them with his War Machine stories. Scott and Tony had disappeared to Tony’s lab to talk shop. It seemed that alcohol only fueled Tony’s brain when it came to upgrading people’s equipment. Finally, there was Peter, the latest addition to the Avengers who had refused all alcohol for fear of his aunt finding out. He’d spent most of the party talking excitedly to anyone who’d listen and dodging Pepper who was trying to remind him that it was a school night. He’d left shortly after Clint started a karaoke session. 

Steve had had a good time. Everybody had been in good spirits except for Bucky who’d gotten drunker and drunker as the night had gone on. Whenever Steve tried to tell him to slow down, Bucky had merely scoffed and reached for the bottle of vodka that had stayed by his side all night.   
“It’s fuckin’ wrong Stevie!” Bucky slurred as Steve ushered him back to his room. It didn’t have very many home comforts at the moment but it did have an incredibly soft bed. A bed was something Bucky sorely needed right now. “S’fuckin’ bullshit is what it is,” He continued, swaying a little even under Steve’s careful grip.

“I know Buck, I know,” Steve said soothingly. 

“But they're forcing her to marry, Steve….. The fuck am I supposed to do? How do I stop it ?” He seemed desperate, angry, Steve hadn’t seen hims like this since they’d been kids. It was unsettling. 

Steve just closed his eyes, and shook his head, he didn’t know what to say, there was nothing he could say or do that would make any of this OK.

“I mean, She’s my WIFE and she’s somewhere out there.” He said pointing to the ceiling. “And I can’t get to her, they stole her from me, her and my boy; And here I am like an idiot, wishing and hoping, I know I’ve lost her. I can feel it, like there's a piece of my soul that I will never get back.” Steve knew Bucky had turned around so as to hide the tears, he knew it because that’s what he would have done. 

“Come on Buck, let's get you to bed,” Steve said as he pulled down the comforter and made sure to get his friend into bed. “It’ll all look rosier in the morning.” He reached down and pulled the heavy boots one at a time, then pulled off Bucky’s T-shirt before pushing him down gently and pulling the covers up to his neck. 

Bucky seemed to go down quietly, Steve turned off the light and left. Hoping Bucky would sleep, hoping he hadn’t lied and that tomorrow would indeed be rosier. It was something his Ma used to say to him all the time. 

The door clicked closed and Bucky open his eyes; He didn’t want to sleep, didn’t want to wait till tomorrow. He got out of bed and walked out on the small balcony looking out at the stars. Somewhere out there was his family. He sighed loudly, he hoped maybe Assa was looking out at the sky too and thinking of him. It was, after all, the same sky. He hadn’t known her long, but she had become such an important part of his life. Learning of her sacrifice, of her getting rid of The Soldier in order to give Bucky his life back, of seeing her work with him, fight her feeling to give him a choice. All of it had made him fall in love with her, he’d never pinned for a woman before, never wanted the affection or attentions of a particular one, but Assa was different, she was his light, the blood in his veins, the air he breathed. She was his everything and he couldn’t take being apart from her any longer. 

“This is BULLSHIT!.” He screamed at the sky, knowing full well no one would answer. “It’s shit!!!” He was sober now, the effect of the vodka out of his system. It felt good to shout and scream his pain. For so long he’d been silenced but now, now he could let it all out. “WHY!?” He screamed louder, “Why would you let me live, through all of the shit i went through, then loose the only good thing I have in my life…… What The Fuck!?” He shook his head and headed back inside almost bumping into a huge set of pecs. 

There was a strange man standing there. Tall and well built wearing almost medieval like armour.   
“Ok Buddy, you got maybe thirty seconds to explain what the fuck you’re doin’ in my room cos I ain’t in the mood for being fucked with,” Bucky snarled angrily. 

“Peace Midgardian. I am Heimdall, of Asgard, I have come in Assa’s name.” The stranger, Heimdall, explained.   
“Take me to her,” Bucky demanded immediately.

“I have come to take you to Asgard, by order of the Great Odin.” Bucky raised an eyebrow. “There you will have the opportunity to argue your claim over Lady Assa.” Bucky laced up his boots as the Man talked. 

“Let’s go big guy.” He said as he slipped on his t-shirt. 

***

Alarick liked being called Aarick, because only his mommy called him that. Other children had Ladies or Mothers, Alarick had mommy, someone special that cuddled him and made him feel loved and warm. He had played with his friends most of the morning, he knew that because he and his mother had left to go play right after breakfast, and he’d had a snack while playing warrior with Bjorn. Now Mommy was talking with other ladies and Hydir, a new friend. 

They were walking along the long hallways, heading back to their rooms, when his little ears heard a lot of commotion coming from the place where his great Uncle Odin usually sat. He had only been there once, but he remembered the way. A lot of people were heading that way, so many that he tightened his little hand around the corner of his Mommie’s gown. It made him feel safe. Looking around his head spun, flurries from so many dresses and men in colourful clothes and armour.   
Alarick let himself be pulled by his mummy, screwing his neck he tried to look around the bend of a hallway but only saw more people heading towards the grand hall. Looking again he noticed guards walking someone important between them. He kept his eyes focused on that spot and saw a glint of something metallic, and stopped, his hand hanging loosely at his side. A split second later and he was gone, making his way between hundreds of legs and full dresses.

He heard his name a few times coming from somewhere behind, but he was so excited he didn’t bother to care about looking back where he came from. 

Turning a corner he managed to make his way between two large fully armoured guards, before running straight into a pair of strong legs. Startled, the toddler looked up to see whom had dared stop his expedition but fell on his backside the moment he noticed the metal arm, passed that were the bluest and deepest eyes he had ever seen, except for his of course. 

The man looked at him uncertain for an instant before reaching down and picking him up. 

“You’re Alarick?” He heard the man ask. “I’d know you anywhere.” AArick didn’t answer, he felt safe, instead, he leaned against the man and wrapped his tiny little arms around the man’s neck. This man was his daddy. He was sure of it. He felt safe like his mommy did, hard where mommy was soft, but with the same warmth and love. 

Bucky felt his emotions threatening to take over him as he held the soft, warm weight of his son. He’d always thought it nonsense when he heard that when you have a child you feel love for them the first time you hold them but now he knew that it was true. The boy was looking up at him curiously, showing no signs of fear at the metal arm. Why had he acted like such a jerk when Assa had told him he was father? Right now he felt like the most natural father in the world. He wanted to protect this small human that was part him, part Assa and god help anyone who tried to stop him.

The people milling around them suddenly stopped. There were hushed whispers and gasps, some of the louder people were exclaiming, ‘look at that!’ ‘who is that?” ‘he looks Midgardian!’. Bucky didn’t give a damn about any of them. Alarick was his main focus now and the boy was grinning up at him.   
“Let me through!” Assa’s voice came from somewhere to his right. The gathered crowd parted and suddenly she was there, in front of him, looking as beautiful as ever. 

She stopped, confused, before running the short distance to him. Somewhat awkwardly because of Alarick, he pulled her into his arms and the three of them shared their first family cuddle. 

It took them all a moment to notice Odin, on his throne glaring at them, and the guards around them trying to keep the throng of people organized and quiet. Odin slammed the bottom of his spear against the marble floor and everything went quiet. 

“Order. I shall have order in my throne room,” His voice boomed across the room. “Midgardian Barnes, I have summoned you here for a very important reason,” He stroked his beard thoughtfully. “I have ordered you here to judge your claim on Lady Assa If your reasons are noble and fair then I will reconsider my decision to wed her to the Warrior Hydir,” 

Bucky wasn’t listening, he was holding Assa tightly while his son held onto him for dear life, his head nuzzled in the crook of his dad’s neck. The woman in his arms felt so much smaller the when last he held her. He kissed her head before giving Odin his attention,still not letting go of his wife or son. 

“I have no claim to defend, If Lady Assa, MY WIFE, wants to come back with me then she should be allowed to. You have no right to keep her here.” He said loudly, his jaw clenching.

“And what of our rules? our laws?” Odin asked. “It is forbidden for an Asgardian to marry a Midgardian,” 

“Bullshit.” Bucky said bluntly, eliciting a few gasps from the crowd. “If it’s so god damn fuckin’ forbidden then why was Assa’s mother allowed to marry a Midgardian?” He challenged. 

“EIR was banished for that union..” Odin answered sternly. 

“Father,” A confident voice boomed from the back of the throne room. Bucky turned around to see Steve standing there with a man who was even more ripped than he was. He had long blonde hair and was wearing similar armor to Heimdall. “You know this is wrong,” 

“This does not concern you son,” Odin replied. 

“Then I demand your presence in private,” Thor continued. “So we may talk about this,” 

Odin seemed to consider for a moment and then nodded. Thor strode up to the throne and he and Odin disappeared through a set of doors to the left. As soon as they did the crowd exploded in whispers. 

“Well where the fuck have you been?” Bucky demanded as Steve approached him. Steve blushed slightly and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“It’s not like there’s a bus to space Buck,” Steve replied, rolling his eyes. “Thor turned up at the compound and as soon as I explained what was going on, he brought me here,” 

***

Inside the inner throne room, Thor and Odin stood across from each other, both had their arms clamped across their chests.   
“Father you know this is nonsense,” Thor said. “You are so concerned at losing face with your subjects that you would split up a family? Would you do the same with myself and Jane? I beg of you, allow this family to be,”

“This is not for you to discuss.” Odin said sternly. “It does not concern you; Lady Assa went against our laws, used her powers to manipulate thousands of people, she was brought here as punishment, the rules were clear. There is no discussing this with you son.” He walked to the window, looking out. “True I sent for the midgardian, but it was to confirm my suspicion that he would not be worthy of your cousin or her son; Now look where it’s brought us.” 

“It concerns me Father,” Thor argued. “For this is my family. The Captain and his friends, they are my colleagues, my family on Midgard. What say you to the fact that I, your own son, had gone against your laws? You have not cast me out, not stopped me from returning to my second home. Your laws are as extinct as the Frost Giants Father. If I have learn one thing during my time with the Avengers, is that you must fight for what is right. If Captain America trusts this man then so do I.” He added firmly. 

Odin looked at his son, he was tired of arguing, tired of fighting. 

“Send her in, let us speak in private.” He said motioning towards the door. Thor nodded and disappeared from the room. A few moments later, Assa entered alone. 

“You called for me Lord Odin?” She asked looking down at her feet, not sure what to expect, Odin was known for his changes in temper and heart, and was sometimes hard to anticipate. 

“I am at a crossroads Lady Assa,” Odin answered. “My son has spoken in favour of your husband and I too can tell how deep his feelings run for you. I will admit the way he looks at you reminds me of my own dear Frigga and the way she looked at me,” He sighed heavily. “The child, my dear Alarick, trusts him and who am I to question that?” Assa stood still waiting for more. He appeared to be struggling with something. “I have never before gone back on my word or my ruling but, as my own dear son just reminded me, perhaps change should be at the heart of my kingdom,” He considered for a moment. “That is why I am asking you now to make a choice. You may have your family, you may return to Midgard but you will do so as powerless as the humans you intend to live with,”

 

 

“What of Alarick?” She asked softly. “Will he lose what makes him Asgardian as well? 

“Your child should not have to suffer your discretions,” Odin replied. “His powers shall remain and when he is of age, he must make the choice,” 

“WIll I age? Or will I live like Eir?” 

“That I have yet to decide,” Odin said. “I have little understanding or these super soldiers, I will tie your future to his, that is as much as I can do.” 

Assa was elated, this was her wish, ever since she had started on her plan to free Bucky. 

“But uncle, what of Sir Hydir and his love?” This was something she owed him. “Would you let them live in peace, maybe on some solitary post? Somewhere far from the court?” 

“Hydir’s fate has yet to be decided,” Odin answered. Assa nodded, relief washing over her. Odin smiled at her, his stern, regal facade crumbling since they were alone. “You are a noble woman Assa and I will miss you but you must be with your family. I only ask that you keep in touch so I might know of how well my dear Nephew s doing,” 

“Of course,” Assa bowed politely. Odin reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. Assa smiled widely feeling him deposit something in her hand. Opening it slowly she found the wedding band that had been taken from her; she was finally free.


	20. Chapter 20

SIX MONTHS LATER…..

“Poppy!” Alarick exclaimed as Lucky began to chase his tail. Bucky paused from planeing a beam of wood and chuckled.  
“Close Son! Puppy,” he corrected gently. Alarick beamed at him before toddling away to play with Lucky. 

In the last six months, Bucky and Assa had moved onto Clint’s land and Bucky had started to build them a home. Assa seemed content to make up for lost time with Alarick during the day whilst he built and then, when it became too dark to work, they’d have supper with Clint before retiring to the small RV Bucky had purchased with his army back pay. 

He’d barely been able to believe it when Steve had told him about the bank account they’d kept for him, safeguarding his fortune and allowing it to gain interest. It was more than enough for them to live comfortably for the rest of their lives. 

Steve, of course, had gone back to working with The Avengers although he’d decided recently to take a sabbatical to focus on his blossoming romance with Claire. Bucky was pleased to see his best friend so happy and finally taking the time he needed to have a break from being Captain America. 

Bucky whistled to himself as he continued to plane the roof beam, enjoying the feeling of the sun beating down on his shirtless back. He didn’t remember much about his pre-war years and he still had a lot of therapy to go through, but he was beginning to catch a glimpse of what ‘happy’ felt like. 

He heard the crunch of gravel from Clint’s driveway. He put down his tools and made his way back to Clint’s house to see who the mystery visitor was. They didn’t really have visitors much. SHIELD’s PR team had done an amazing job of keeping Bucky’s location private once the news had got out about his exoneration. 

As he reached the house, he could see Steve’s motorbike parked just outside. He grinned to himself. He hadn’t seen Steve for a while and Alarick would definitely be excited to see his ‘Uncle Steeb’. Steve would always come with a treat for the boy, whether it be new clothes or toys or candy. In fact, the Captain America shirt that Alarick was wearing now had been a present from him. 

Bucky entered the house and immediately he could tell that something was wrong. Steve was dressed in a scruffy pair of jeans and a t-shirt and his hair was tousled as if he’d been running his hands through it a lot. As he got closer, he could see the dark circles around his best friend’s normally bright blue eyes. Something was very wrong indeed. Clint was nearby, pottering around the kitchen, making coffee. As soon as he heard Bucky enter, he turned around and pulled a ‘shit just got very real’ face and quietly left the room.   
“Stevie?” Bucky asked questioningly as he sat down opposite his best friend. Steve looked up at him and Bucky was reminded of the time Steve had had his heart broken by Evie Best. He’d asked her to go dancing and the two of them had actually gotten on quite well. Steve had worked his hardest to save some money so he could take her out to a fancy restaurant and, in the end, she’d blown him off. A couple of days later, Bucky had seen her stepping out with one of the guys from the docks. Steve had been devastated. 

“She’s gone Buck,” Steve replied brokenly. He looked like he was on the verge of tears. Bucky frowned and he shrugged in response. “Claire. She broke up with me,”


	21. Chapter 21

It wasn’t the she was sick, or anything like that, really, she just didn’t care. Ever since her return to earth things had been different, nothing felt…… right, or even close to being ok. Assa sat in a corner of the trailer wrapped in her favorite blanket, looking out the tiny window. It was cold out there, snow had covered the ground already and she could hear Steve Bucky and Clint talk about the coming holidays. She heard Alarik’ interest and excitement everytime one of them mentioned Christmas or New Year’s. His eyes sparkling like they always did when he was looking forward to something; and though that made Assa feel…. Happy for her son, it didn’t really transform into any sort of action or words. Still she would sit there day after day, wrapped in her favorite blanket, looking out the tiny little window in their tiny little trailer as her husband, the man she loved more than anything in this world and the next, built them a home. 

Assa knew her actions and her feeling made no sense, she KNEW she was probably clinically depressed, in fact every single professional she had met with had said the same, but the pills they prescribed did nothing, and Assa simply would not go to any sort of therapy. How could she ever explain away thousands of years of experience to someone who simply wouldn't understand.   
Looking out the tiny window now, she saw Steve, helping Bucky bring in the flooring for the new house, after that all that was needed for them to move in was to do the electric wiring, close up the walls and paint. Everything else was done, the kitchen, bathrooms, even the furniture had been ordered. Bucky had built a palace for his family, four bedroom, three bathrooms, a full laundry room, large rooms with windows on every walls, high ceilings, Assa didn’t know if she could ever thank him for all his work, but even so, nothing about his work and the new house seemed important to her. Nothing worth writing home about, as they said. And there laid the problem, she could never write home, or even go back home, for the rest of her normal human life, Assa would be stuck here, on earth, with no powers, nothing to make her able to make this prison worth living in. What she had always thought as her home, her choices, her freedom, was now feeling like a nasty joke. Now that she was refused entry home, to Asgard, Assa felt as though she had lost everything, even, especially, herself. 

Assa rubbed at her neck, she had tossed and turned all night, her health had been deteriorating. She hardly ate, barely slept and couldn’t seem to manage to go out of the trailer for more than a few minutes at a time. To say that Bucky seemed worried was an understatement. She would wake him up at night, screaming and crying, begging for him, at first he had panicked, waking up swinging thinking he and his family were being attacked, but now, with practice, he simply held her tight and spoke to her soothingly.   
She had lost so much weight, nothing she wore fit her anymore, but Assa simply couldn’t seem to care. She simply couldn’t adjust, though she had thought it would be easy, it wasn’t. She saw what it did to him, her Bucky, saw him eat less and worry more, saw him clench his teeth when he reached for her and she moved away, Assa knew how much she hurt him every time, but there was nothing she could do, right now looking at him reminded her of just how much she had chosen to give up for him, He was a reminder of why she felt like this, and most of the time, she hated him for it.   
She didn’t even try to smile anymore, didn't try to seem normal, not even to Clint or Steve; but for Alarik, for him she did her best, put him to bed every night, sang to him, held him when he needed it, for him Assa would lie, pretend and fake smiles, hugs and comfort, just so her son would never feel unloved. Sometimes though, those fake smiles turned real, her heart skipping a beat, looking at him and knowing he was happy. Sometimes the moment would expand and she would be able to look at her husband and truly appreciate him, but those moments were short, few and far between, and to be honest, Assa didn’t really care about them all that much. 

The door opened and Clint climbed in, handing her a mug of steaming tea. He didn’t say anything, just handed it to her and sat across her, staring at her. Something he had never done before. Assa wriggled uncomfortably. She felt as though Clint had X-ray vision, as though he could see into her soul.   
“So when did you start feeling depressed?” He asked bluntly, not taking his eyes off of her. 

“I...I…” Assa faltered. It felt odd to have somebody come and out say it like that. How had he managed to see through her finely crafted wall that she’d built since she arrived here? 

“Nothing works does it?” Clint continued. “Doctors come and go. They give you this and that, promising this time will be the magic pill that makes it all better. Even worse, they send you to shrinks and expect you to bear your soul to a perfect stranger right?” Assa nodded, wrapping her hands around the hot mug. She could feel tears welling in her eyes. She glanced out of the window again, making sure that her beloved was still tied up on his task. She hated the idea of him walking in to find her in this. She didn’t want to shatter his illusion that everything was finally ok.   
“I’ve been there,” Clint added. “When I was mind controlled by Loki. He made me do terrible things and once Nat broke the spell I felt...lost. SHIELD sent me to all kinds of doctors. They’d dole out prescriptions and I’d pop pills like candy and nothing ever worked. Don’t even get me started on talking to some stranger about that shit either,” Clint shook his head at the memory and sighed deeply. “Anyway, I’m getting way off course here. I just wanted you to know that I know you’re not right and if you ever need to talk about it, well, I’m here for you ok?” Assa nodded, again, not quite sure what to say. “I know it’s hard. And to be completely honest, if you were on your own you probably wouldn’t manage, but you’re not. Your family is here, and they can help. I have never seen a stronger and more courageous bunch of people than Bucky and Steve.”! He looked at her, their eyes meeting, holding fast. “There’s your son too, that little guy needs his mom. So if you don’t do it for yourself, do it for him.” Looking around awkwardly he got up, nodding once and left, slamming the door behind him. 

It was cold out, the gust of snow that hit her made Assa shiver. Soon the sun would come down and the small trailer would get much colder. Assa looked around, putting her mug down, seeing the dirty dishes in the sink, the pile of laundry, unfolded in a basket on the floor. The place was old and musty and for the first time, ever, it bothered her. Assa didn’t want to care, didn’t want to hate what she was looking at, didn’t want to bother with doing the dishes and folding clothes, with getting dressed and eating and drinking, being social, thinking, breathing even, but she had to. She needed to, she couldn’t give up, couldn’t walk away, couldn’t just phase out. Slowly, Assa got up, maybe if she did one thing today. Maybe folded the clothes, it wouldn’t take much, it could be done quickly, and then she could go back to not giving a shit. 

T-shirts, one, two, three, eight, twelve, all folded, put away in his drawer near the bed. Socks, matching, pair by pair, searching at the bottom of the basket, next time she should do those last, she thought to herself, as if there would be a next time. Jeans, sweatpants, kids clothes. Underwear, one piece after the other she folded and put away in its proper place, even making the bed as she went, changing the sheets for clean ones she had found at the bottom of a drawer, She lost herself in the act of moving around and putting things right, until she got to the bottom of the basket, where there was nothing left but her saari. Assa looked at it, her hands grazing the fabric, picking it up, smelling it… clean. Steve had given it to her while in Wakanda, a thank you gift. Slowly she pulled it out of the basket, foot by foot, folding it over her arm, missing the feel of it on her skin when she used to wear it. 

The door opened, loud as always, Alarik closing it behind him, looking around before finding his mother’s eyes. The boy smiled, wrapping her arms around her waist and holding tight. He was cold, his coat wet with snow.

“Lucky loves the snow, mommy. I throw snowballs and he runs after them and catches them. I Love Lucky.” Assa’s fingers played in his hair, rolling his locks around her finger, again and again. Alarik talked about the snow and the upcoming holidays, repeating what Steve and Bucky had told him, excited. He had lost all remnants of Asgardian speech, soon he would start school and be just another school boy. 

The door opened again, this time Bucky walked in, covered in a dusting of snow. 

“It’s gonna be cold out tonight.” He said simply before climbing the few steps into the trailer. Looking around he noticed the empty basket on the floor, his wife holding tightly to their son and the little guy still talking about all he had done and seen during the day, and for the first time in a very long time, Assa saw her man smile, a real smile; not something forced or pushed, but a genuine happy smile, full of hope.“Might be time to move into the house with Clint, for the next week or so anyways, Then we’ll have the house. Weve got the electrician coming in tomorrow, then the flooring, should be all done by next week.”   
He moved close and folded them into a tight embrace, losing himself in his wife’s scent, his lips leaving a chaste kiss on her neck. It had been months since he had seen her like this, functional, or close to functional. He felt her arm find it ways around his shoulder and pull him in tighter. He felt her nod in answer to his proposition. The tight hug broke and Alarik dashed out of the door, running to the main house in hopes of playing with his canine best friend again. Assa stayed close to him, her hand still holding his coat.   
“I thought it would be longer before we moved in.” her voice was soft. “One week, that’s great.” Assa looked up at Bucky, trying to smile. 

“He loves that dog.” Bucky didn’t know what else to say, him and Assa hadn't had an actual conversation in weeks. He pulled the door closed, turning to face his wife, not sure how to talk to her anymore, not sure what to say or how to act. But instead of talking, she came to him, made her way into his arms, cuddling up to the cold winter coat he was still wearing. He tightened his arms around her, wanting it to feel natural, loving, normal, but being so damned desperate, so fucking thankful that she came to him. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t come to him in months, that she hadn’t kissed him or made love to him in forever. It only mattered that she was here, now, in his arms, wanting this, him, his love. That’s all that mattered. Now. He kissed her head, lost himself in her scent, again, something he would never stop doing, Assa was his love, his life, his everything, and finally, after so long, she seemed to want to connect again, who was he to refuse her. 

 

Alarik was cozy in bed, Lucky cuddled up to him, their breath slow and deep. Bucky smiled from the doorway, watching as Assa tucked their son in, sang an old Asagard lullabye before kissing him on the forehead and getting up, leaving the room silently. This was something he loved watching, Assa would do this every night. Pull the covers around the little man, running her fingers through his hair, kissing him tenderly and signing to him. Every night Bucky watched and listened, loving it, this was his soothing place, the thought he went to when he needed solace, balance, strength. His wife, his son, the whole world could crumble around him, but this, in front of him made everything perfect. 

She reached for his hand as they walked along the corridor to the guest bedroom, the room they used when sleeping in the trailer wasn't an option. Assa didn't want to let go, though she hadn't felt like she needed comfort, right now, it felt as if letting go of Bucky' hand would mean letting go of everything, and for some reason, that just wasn't something she was ready or willing to do. Instead, she held tighter. she brought his hand to her lips and kissed it, again something she hadn't done in weeks, any sort of attention or affection aimed towards her husband had been lacking for so long, it seemed almost alien to her to brush her lips on his knuckles. His palm opened and cupped her face, it was warm and comforting, without thinking she sought it, turning her face to follow the warm palm as he moved slowly towards the back of her neck, applying light pressure and moving her closer to him, she found her cheek against his shoulder, his arms around her back, holding her there, she was tired, exhausted, closing her eyes Assa felt something wet slide on her cheek and realized she was crying, a bubble, a huge one, inside of her burst and in an instant she was crying, holding tightly to Bucky' sweater, pulling him as close as she could, drowning him in her tears, she wasn't sad, or hurt, but the exhaustion seemed to be taking its toll, the months of not sleeping properly, with or without medications, the days and weeks of heavy sedations that had amounted to nothing, the hours upon hours of waiting in professional's waiting rooms, having to see doctors and psychiatrists.... weeks upon weeks of pushing everyone away, of wanting to be alone, of not caring, not wanting to care, not wanting to feel, anything. It was all coming out, not at once, no that would have been way too much to ask, but this was a beginning, something to start hoping on, this was a crack in her armour, something Bucky could work on, something Assa herself could, if she wanted to, work on. 

True, the "talk" Assa had had with Clint hadn't been much, but it had been enough to shake her, had been enough to push Assa into a position where she could maybe see, feel what was happening with the people around her, these tears were only an infinitesimal part of the bigger picture, but they were a damn good place to start .Bucky held her while she cried, let her hold him and pull him in, her sobs were tearing his heart apart and he could feel her tears soaking through his sweater, but he didn't move. Even when his flesh arm cramped up he didn't move, just held his wife, whispering softly to her, kissing her hair, not letting her forget that he was there, that he loved her, that he would always be there. This was the most important job he had ever had. Taking care of her, and he wouldn't fail, he wouldn't let himself. Seeing her lose interest in everything in the past months had ripped at his soul, his loving wife turned into this thing, no emotions, no wants or needs, no words, nothing, only a smile and a word or two for their son, but never for him. Bucky didn't get it, he couldn't understand, and though part of him hurt and hated her for hurting him, he knew that in the end Assa was hurting more than anyone else. She had lost everything that made her HER, her powers, her passion, her people, everything. And there was nothing Bucky could ever do to make things easier for his Love. All he could do was try. 

Most of the time he didn't though, try. He would look at her and want to say something, want to do something, but he didn't, thinking it would just get better with time. Time healed everything, wasn't that what his mother had always said? He would spend hours awake at night, not moving, knowing Assa's sleep was light, trying not to move, not to breathe too loudly, trying to forget himself in order to make it easier for her. He guessed, that helped a little. But to go up and talk to her, to try and see what was going on, what was the issue, how he could help, he had never done that. Too scared to he guessed.   
But here he was now, holding his wife tightly as she cried, and all he could do was thank God for this chance to maybe start trying, for real this time. From now on he would work hard and make time for her, he promised God and all that was holly that he would make her his priority, that he would work on her recovery, that he would push her on, not just watch from the sidelines, he had been a poor excuse for a husband, but he would do better, he swore he would. He would get his wife back, would get his family back, make it all ok. If only God could give him this chance. He wasn't asking for much, only time, enough of it to make a difference.

They stood like that, holding onto each other for a very long time, Assa crying and Bucky just holding her. After awhile he guided her to the bathroom, ran her a hot bath and helped her out of her clothes, for a second there he moved away to put the clothes in a pile near the door, leaving Assa alone just long enough to catch her reflexion in the full length mirror.  
She had once been tall, curvy, with round heavy breasts and thick strong thighs, but now, her skin hung from her bones, her cheeks had hollowed, the skin on her neck hung in ropes, the bones of her ribcage came up like dunes in the sand, her collar bone was more defined than was healthy and her legs were so thin Assa had trouble believing they could hold her up. Her stomach was flacid, far from the firm taunt muscles she remembered. It felt as a hard slap when her eyes met the ones in the mirror, focusing on what had once been a mane of long shiny hair, what was left now seemed more like thin dry straw, it had lost its thickness, it’s life. . Assa looked away, noticing Bucky standing there, looking at her looking at herself.

“You’ll always be beautiful to me.” He said looking at her, guessing what she was thinking as he gently helped her in the bath. “It’ll be ok. We can fix this.” He added as he heard her sigh, the hot water working it’s magic. Bucky sat on the floor, leaning on the tub, staying close. Assa noticed something catching the light around his neck, looking familiar, she raised her hand to touch it. “I found it in the bed a few weeks after Asgard. It didn’t fit anymore, so I kept it. Until you would want to wear it again.” She played with it as she had so many time when it had been around her own neck. She motioned for him to take it off. Sliding the loose chain from his neck he passed it on to her, making sure Assa didn’t drop it in the bath he helped her getting it around her own neck.

“Thank you.” She whispered before leaning closer and kissing him. “Thanks for keeping it for me.” 

“You kept US alive for years, the least I can do is make sure you don’t lose your wedding ring.” Assa smiled. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t been myself. I’ll try harder.” She whispered softly, seeing his lips faultre, his smile breaking for an instant before coming back with a vengeance. 

“Sweetheart. We will just come out of this stronger.” Kissing her hand he let his fingers play in the hot water. “ Depression is something you’d have never experienced when you were a healer. I can’t even imagine how it must feel for someone who is used to healing, to always be healthy, to suddenly become ill. “ He saw her look away. “Baby. You are the love of my life. We will figure this out. I promise you.” When she looked back it was the old Assa he saw, her determination, her strength, all he had fallen in love with so many years ago.   
“That's my girl.” He whispered before spraying her with water, making her laugh.


End file.
